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Body Language and Nonverbal Communication Up to 85% of communication is nonverbal! What you NOTICE can greatly help you understand the other person and navigate discussion accordingly Verbals can be contrasted by nonverbals (incongruency) which reveal the other person’s true feelings… …or supported by nonverbals (congruency) which accentuate the person’s feelings Observation can help you bridge individual, cultural, and/or gender differences Repetition: repeat the message the person is making verbally Contradiction: contradict a message the individual is trying to convey Substitution: substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do Complementing: add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message Accenting: accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline a message. It takes more than words to create fulfilling, strong relationships. Nonverbal communication has a huge impact on the quality of our relationships. Nonverbal communication skills improve relationships by helping you: Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling and the unspoken messages they’re sending. Create trust and transparency in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match up with your words. Respond with nonverbal cues that show others that you understand, notice, and care. When you picture people you talk to on the telephone, through email or in newsgroups (such as in your Kaplan class) before meeting them face to face, does your expectation of how they will look usually turn out to be accurate? Facial expressions Body movements and posture Gestures Eye contact Touch Space Voice Intensity. A reflection of the amount of energy you project is considered your intensity. Again, this has as much to do with what feels good to the other person as what you personally prefer. Timing and pace. Your ability to be a good listener and communicate interest and involvement is impacted by timing and pace. Sounds that convey understanding. Sounds such as “ahhh, ummm, ohhh,” uttered with congruent eye and facial gestures, communicate understanding and emotional connection. More than words, these sounds are the language of interest, understanding and compassion. How are nonverbal cues displayed in computer mediated communication (emails and social networking sites)? USE: • Mirroring • assume posture and movements of other person • Pacing: • start with mirroring, then move to more positive posture/movement OBSERVE: • When movement is synchronous • mirroring one another’s movements • When movement is complementary: • harmonious movements • When movement is dissynchronous • differing movements that might show conflict • • • • • • • • • • incongruent smiling look of confusion or being lost expressionless or flat affect affect demonstrating various moods or emotions blood flow changes (e.g. blushing or growing pale) avoiding eye contact, inconsistent eye contact, or intense staring grimacing, frowning eyes welling up tightening of lips agreement, understanding, connection, excitement Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) suggests that there is a link between the way our eyes move and the way we think In NLP, eye movements are known as eye accessing cues—they enable us to access certain information Noticing eye movements can help us to understand how a person relates to the world—i.e. visually, auditorily, or kinesthetically—and communicate with them according to THEIR representational systems Looking up, or defocusing, usually represents visual accessing Looking sideways usually represents auditory accessing Looking down to the right (your left as you face the person) usually represents kinesthetic accessing Looking down to the left (your right as you face the person) usually represents an internal dialogue For those visually accessing, respond in terms of SEEING “This is how you see it…” “I see what you mean” For those auditorily accessing, respond in terms of HEARING “It sounds like you aren’t happy with that grade” “I hear what you’re saying” For those kinesthetically accessing, respond in terms of FEELING “That must feel awful” “I feel happy for you” What do nonverbal cues such as typos, slang, spelling errors, incomplete sentences, and poor sentence structure communicate to the receiver about the sender? Video camera – Videotape a conversation between you and a partner. Set the camera to record both of you at the same time, so you can observe the nonverbal back-and-forth. When you watch the recording, focus on any discrepancies between your verbal and nonverbal communication. Digital camera – Ask someone to take a series of photos of you while you’re talking to someone else. As you look through the photos, focus on you and the other person’s body language, facial expressions, and gestures. Audio recorder – Record a conversation between you and a friend or family member. As you listen to the recording afterwards, concentrate on the way things are said, rather than the words. Pay attention to tone, timing, pace, and other sounds. Take a time out if you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress. Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other people, send off confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior. Take a moment to calm down before you jump back into the conversation. Once you’ve regained your emotional equilibrium, you’ll be better equipped to deal with the situation in a positive way. Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said. If you get the feeling that someone isn’t being honest or that something is “off,” you may be picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues. Is the person is saying one thing, and their body language something else? For example, are they telling you “yes” while shaking their head no? Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal signals you are sending and receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body language. Are your nonverbal cues consistent—or inconsistent—with what you are trying to communicate? SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES Western cultures: Direct eye contact seen as positive Differs for some races African American—more eye contact when talking, less when listening Anglo Americans—often the opposite Prolonged eye contact may be seen as sexual interest Arabic cultures: Prolonged eye contact is common Shows interest Helps them understand truthfulness Japan, African, Latin American, & Caribbean cultures: Avoid eye contact to show respect Many Asian cultures: Suppress facial expression as much as possible Many Mediterranean cultures Exaggerate grief or sadness Most American men Hide grief and sorrow Western Cultures ◦ Handshake is common ◦ Hugs, kisses for those of opposite gender, family ◦ Some differences between African American & Anglo Americans Islamic/Hindu cultures ◦ Typically don’t touch with left hand ◦ Generally don’t touch between genders; with same sexes is appropriate ◦ Common to see two men or two women holding hands (friendship) Many Asian cultures ◦ Don’t touch the head because it houses the soul Latino, Middle-Eastern, & Jewish cultures ◦ Touch is okay—emotion encouraged ◦ Opposite-sex handshakes acceptable; usually same-sex English, German, Scandinavian, Chinese & Japanese cultures ◦ Do not subscribe to overt displays of affection Bowing Slouching Hands in pocket Sitting with legs crossed Showing the soles of feet ◦ Not done, criticized, or affected in US ◦ Shows rank in Japan ◦ Rude in most Northern European areas ◦ Disrespectful in Turkey ◦ Offensive in Ghana, Turkey ◦ Distasteful in Thailand, Saudi Arabia In this picture we see a woman's reactions as her personal space is invaded by three other people. What will happen? a. She will ask them to sit somewhere else b. She will stare at the space "invaders" defiantly, but she will not move c. She will leave, saying nothing to the three people who invaded her personal space This man comes from a culture where HEAVIER women are seen as more attractive. Can you guess where he comes from? a. Jamaica b. New Guinea c. Ivory Coast While traveling in another country, this American woman stayed with a local family. She was honored by being served the 'best part' of the dinner: a bowl of solid, coagulated chicken blood. Can you guess the country she was visiting? a. Greenland b. Vietnam c. Uruguay Can you guess the meaning of this Japanese gesture? a. I'm scared like a bunny b. I've been hearing things about you c. I'm angry In this picture, an experienced flight attendant demonstrates a facial expression she uses at work. Is she performing genuine warmth, or is it concealed irritation? a. Genuine Warmth b. Concealed Irritation