Transcript EveryDay Editing

My
Guru/Hero/Teache
r Crush
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http://www.writeguy.net/
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Sample Lesson: Subordinate clause
Lesson 1
What do you notice about this sentence?
If I were a movie, I’d probably have to
kill off my father in the first scene.
– Paul Acampora, Defining Dulcie
(AAAWWUBBIS)
Listen to:
If I Had A Million Dollars by the Bare Naked Ladies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tajhs_FdT98
Invitation to Imitate:
You may use one of these sentence starters or make up your own.
Write your sentence in the back of your writing notebook.
If
If
If
If
If
If
this were a rap song . .
my life were a video game . . .
this were a TV show . . .
this were a basketball game . . .
my life were a car . . .
I had a gazillion dollars . . .
After
Although
As
When
While
Until
Before
Because
If
Since
AAAWWUBBIS
When a sentence begins with
one of these words, you will
need a comma at the end of
the introductory phrase.
Scan in your books and search
for AAAWWUBBIS sentences.
Group these sentences into one sentence:
He ate dinner.
Then he headed out to see Phil.
Phil was at his house.
If you finish quickly, group these sentences into one sentence:
Hector put on his shirt.
Hector slung the guitar over his shoulder.
The guitar belonged to him.
Hector was surprised at how well he had turned out.
Rowanne was surprised at how well he had turned out.
Ungroup this sentence from Cris Cross:
As if to welcome them, a half-dozen
lights on tall poles flickered to life.
If you finish, ungroup this sentence from Criss Cross:
Because his burden of garbage was
large and precarious, he could not look
down at the path and had to go by the
feel of dirt under his sneakers.
Invitation to Edit: How’d they do it?
When the web is finished, the spider waits for insects to fly into its web.
--Seymour Simon, Spiders
Invitation to Edit: How’d they do it?
When the web is finished, the spider waits for insects to fly into its web.
--Seymour Simon, Spiders
When the web is finished, the spider waits for insects to fly into it’s web.
Invitation to Edit: How’d they do it?
When the web is finished, the spider waits for insects to fly into its web.
--Seymour Simon, Spiders
When the web is finish, the spider waits for insects to fly into its web.
Invitation to Edit: How’d they do it?
When the web is finished, the spider waits for insects to fly into its web.
--Seymour Simon, Spiders
When the web is finished, the spider wait for insects to fly into its web.
Invitation to Edit: How’d they do it?
When the web is finished, the spider waits for insects to fly into its web.
--Seymour Simon, Spiders
When the web is finished the spider waits for insects to fly into its web.
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Sample Lesson: Every Sentence Needs
Ending Punctuation
Lesson 1
What do you notice about this sentence?
Up
Pup
Pup is up.
– Dr. Seuss, Hop on Pop
Invitation to Imitate:
You may use one of these sentence starters or make up your own.
Write your sentence in the back of your writing notebook.
Cat is . . .
Dog is . . .
Fish is . . .
Every sentence needs a way to let the
reader know that it’s finished.
Pop is up?
Pop is up.
Pop is up!
Group these sentences into one sentence:
Jack walks to the store.
Jack walks to the school.
Ungroup this sentence:
Pop jumped on the bed and on the
couch.
Invitation to Edit: How’d they do it?
There once was a baby koala so soft and round that everyone who saw
her loved her.
--Mem Fox Koala Lou
there once was a baby koala so soft and round that everyone who saw her
loved her.
There once was a baby koala so soft and round that everyone who saw her
loved her
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Sample Lesson: Commas in a Series
Lesson 1
What do you notice about these sentences?
It is my first morning of high
school. I have seven new notebooks, a
skirt I hate, and a stomachache.
- - Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson (This is the lead.)
Invitation to Imitate:
You may use one of these sentence starters or make up your own.
Write your sentence in the back of your writing notebook. Try to
have your items in a series tell us about your character.
It is my first day of high school. I have…
It is my first day of swimming. I have…
It is my first day at camp. I have…
Items in a list need commas.
I was twelve years of age when I chopped off my hair, dressed as a
boy, and set off to save my family from impending ruin.
(Some people like Oxford commas, some people don’t.)
I was twelve years of age when I chopped off my hair, dressed as a
boy, and set off to save my family from impending ruin.
Oxford comma
Could also be written like this: I was twelve years of age when I
chopped off my hair, dressed as a boy and set off to save my family
from impending ruin.
Group these sentences into one sentence:
My backpack has some maps in the
big pocket.
I also have keys and a compass in my
backpack.
My lunch from last week is floating
around in my backpack.
Ungroup this sentence:
This is the story of a time, and a place,
and a family. Little Heathens by
Mildred Armstrong Kalish
I have a crew cut, yes a crew cut,
sallow skin, and the kind of mouth that
puckers when I breath.
--Fat Kid Rules the World by K.L. Going
Invitation to Edit: How’d they do it?
The deputy told me to empty my pockets: two quarters, a penny, a
stick of bubble gum, and a roll of grip tape for my skateboard.
--Carl Hiaasen Flush
The deputy told me to empty my pockets: two quarters, a penny a stick
of bubble gum and a roll of grip tape for my skateboard.
The deputy told me empty my pockets: two quarters, a penny a stick of
bubble gum and a roll of grip tape for my skateboard.
The deputy told me to empty my pockets: two quarter, a penny, a stick
of bubble gum, and a roll of grip tape for my skateboard.
Step 1: Decide what convention you want to teach.
Step 2: Find a mentor sentence. Or two. Or three.
• Amazon “Look inside” feature
• Notable Sentences blog: greatsentences.blogspot.com
• Sentence Stalking blog: sentencestalkingstevens.blogspot.com
Step 3: Use the framework to plan your lessons:
• What do you notice about this sentence?
• Invitation to imitate.
• Teaching point.
• Grouping sentences (optional)
• Ungrouping sentences (optional)
• Invitation to edit.
Step 4: Use over one day or over 3 – 5 days.
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Make your own lesson.
Lesson 1
What do you notice about this sentence?
Put your sentence(s) here.
Invitation to Imitate:
You may use one of these sentence starters or make up your own.
Write your sentence in the back of your writing notebook.
Put your sentence frame/starter here.
Put your teaching point here.
Group these sentences into one sentence:
Put sentences to group here.
Ungroup this sentence:
Put sentences to ungroup here.
Invitation to Edit: How’d they do it?
Put your model sentence here.
Put sentences in need of editing here.
Put sentences in need of editing here.
Put sentences in need of editing here.