Transcript Commited Romantic Relationships

Committed Romantic Relationships
Definition:
Relationship between individuals
who assume that they will be
primary and continuing parts of
each others’ lives.
Key Points:
 Voluntary (Western Culture)
 Involve romantic/sexual
feelings
 Primary and Permanent
Dimensions of Romantic
Relationships
Believed to consist of (3) dimensions:
1. Intimacy
2. Commitment
3. Passion
Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship
Passion
Definition:
Describes intensely
positive feelings and
fervent desire for another
person.
Examples of feeling:
•Butterflies
•Sparks
•Being head over heals
*Not restricted to sexual
feelings
*May involve emotional,
spiritual and intellectual
attraction
*Not primary foundation
for most enduring
romantic relationships
*Not the glue that holds
romantic relationships
together
Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship
Commitment
Definition:
A) Intention/decision to
remain involved with a
relationship.
B) Determination to stay
together despite
troubles,
disappointments,
sporadic restlessness
and lulls in passion.
• Not the same as love
–Love is a feeling based on
the reward of our
involvement with a person.
• Strong relationship
between commitment
and investment
–More investment = more
commitment.
• Involves accepting
responsibility for
maintaining a
relationship
• Act of will
Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship
Commitment…Cont.
Two broad categories as to why people
commit
1. Comfortable and Pleasing
• Value Companionship
• Emotional Support
• Financial Assistance
2. Avoid Negative Consequences of Ending
• Violating religious values
• Family disapproval
• Financial hardship
Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship
Intimacy
Definition:
A) Feelings of
closeness,
connections and
tenderness.
B) Abiding affection
and warm feelings for
another person.
• Related to passion
equals feelings
• Link between
intimacy and
passion with
commitment
– Joins partners now
into the future
Styles of love are like primary and secondary colors!
Primary:
• Eros
• Storge
• Ludus
Secondary:
• Pragma
• Mania
• Agape
Styles of Love
Primary Color: Eros
Eros – Powerful, passionate style of love
that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically.
– Intense
– Most intuitive and spontaneous
– Fastest moving
– May include:
• Sexual, spiritual, intellectual or emotional attraction
or all of the above.
Styles of Love
Primary Color: Storge
Storge (STORE-gay) – Comfortable
even keeled kind of love based on
friendship and compatibility.
Storge love:
•Tends to develop gradually,
peaceful and stable
– Most cases: grows out of common
interests, values and life goals.
Styles of Love
Primary Color: Ludus
Ludus – Playful love
Ludus Lovers:
• See love as a game
• Like to play the field
• Enjoy falling in love
• Enjoy romance but not the
settling
Styles of Love
Secondary Color: Pragma
Pragma – Pragmatic or practical love
Between Primary Colors:
Ludus (stable) & Storge (Secure Love)
• Clear criteria for lovers
– Religious affiliation
– Career
– Family background
• Not necessarily unfeeling/unloving
• See practicality as foundation to tall in love
Styles of Love
Secondary Color: Mania
Mania – derives from Greek term theia mania, or
“Madness from Gods”.
Between Primary Colors:
Eros (Passion) & Ludic (Play Rules)
•May devise tests and games to evaluate commitment
•Typically unsure of others love
•Often experiences emotional extremes
•May be obsessed about relationships
Styles of Love
Secondary Color: Agape
Agape – Love others without expectation of personal gain or
return.
Between Primary Colors:
Storge (Constancy) & Eros (Passion)
•Generous
•Selfless
•Put loved ones first without expectations of reciprocation
•Loving and giving is rewarding
**No one is purely agapic, but may have agapic tendencies.
Rules for figuring out your love style:
1. Most have a combination style
1. A primary and a secondary
2. Love styles are not permanent
1. We learn to love
2. Changes occur with more experiences in loving
3. Part of an overall interpersonal system
1. Affected by relationship aspects
1. Your partners will influence your own love style
4. Individual styles of love are not good or bad.
What is important is the partners’ styles fitting
together. 
The Development of Romantic
Relationships
Three broad phases (Western Culture):
1. Growth
2. Navigation
3. Deterioration
The Development of Romantic Relationship
Growth
There are six GROWTH stages:
1. Individuality
2. Invitational Communication
3. Explorational
Communication
4. Intensifying Communication
5. Revising Communication
6. Commitment
Growth:
Stage 1
Individuality:
• Needs, goals, love styles, perceptual
tendencies and qualities that affect
what we ask for in relationships
• People we choose may be influenced
by aspect of ourselves
Growth: Stage 2
Invitational Communication:
• Three great influences
– Self-concept
• Men: Physical characteristics
• Women: Qualities of personality
– Proximity
• Close in location or access (internet)
– Similarities
• Seeks partners with similar values, attitudes and lifestyles.
Growth: Stage 3
Explorational Communication:
• Exchanging information
– People fish for common ground/interest
– Typically done with a “pick-up” line
Growth: Stage 4
Intensifying Communication:
• Intensifying (euphoria) and happiness
• Can’t be together enough
• Learning the other person
• Agree on dating/going steady (official)
• Couple Communication –
language/nicknames
• Overlooking/downplaying perfection
Growth: Stage 5 & 6
5. Revising
Communication:
• Evaluation stage
• Realization
*not always a step
in the process
6. Commitment
The Development of Romantic Relationship
Navigation
Navigation: the ongoing process of staying
together despite obstacles.
•Preventative maintenance and repair (auto
terminology)
•Continuously adjust, work through old and
new problems
Navigation Continued
• Relational Culture
– Private world rules, understandings, meanings
and patterns of acting and interpreting that
partners create for their relationship.
– Couples develop rules and rituals as to how to
communicate anger, sexual interests or how to
celebrate special occasions, birthdays and
holidays.
• Placemaking
– Process of creating a comfortable personal
environment that reflects the values, experiences
and taste of the couple as one.
The Development of Romantic Relationship
Deterioration
• 5 stage sequence
– Intrapsychic Processes
• Dissatisfaction of relationship
– Dyadic Process
• Breakdown of established patterns, rules and rituals that
make the relational culture
– Social Support
• Phase of looking for support through friends and family
– Grave-dressing Process
• Burying the relationship and accepting the end
– Resurrection Process
• Moving on with other intimate relationships
Guidelines for Communicating in
a Romantic Relationship
A.
Engage in dual perspective
A.
B.
C.
Getting to know the other person well and using that
knowledge to guide the communication choices
Practice Safe Sex
Manage Conflict Constructively
A.
Romantic relationships require special attentions
A.
D.
If not mastered, could lead to domestic violence
Adapt Communication to Maintain long-distance
relationships
A.
Three reasons they fail:
A.
B.
C.
Lack of daily sharing
Unrealistic amounts of time together. (every moment should
be perfect)
Unequal effort invested