Transcript Success on the Homefront Power Point

The Transformation Begins
SUCCESS ON THE HOMEFRONT
THE VALUE OF SUFFERING
 From
A Fine Young Man
by Michael Gurian
THE VALUE OF SUFFERING
“When we help our boys through adolescence, I
hope we’ll realize the value in some of the
suffering that we put them through, the
suffering they find in everyday life, and the
suffering they ask for as they seek to make the
second birth. If, always mindful of their fragility,
we lead them carefully through the pains of
adolescence, we can expect them to live less
painful and more joyful lives in adulthood.
THE VALUE OF SUFFERING
If we try to keep them from suffering the pains of
adolescence, we put them at risk of living very
confused adult lives. Adolescence is a time of
new discovery, discovery of the adult core itself.
No discovery of this magnitude is not filled with
deeply valuable pains and sorrows. Our job is
not to save the boy (unless his behavior has
become inordinately dangerous) but rather to
guide him through suffering, even if he doesn’t
THE VALUE OF SUFFERING
notice our guidance consciously, and even if he
doesn’t always agree with it. Being the parent,
mentor, or educator of an adolescent boy is, in
my mind, a more difficult task than being the
same for a little boy; confronting the value of
suffering is a primary reason.”
THE DEFINING ELEMENTS OF THE
TRANSFORMATION
 Communication
 Homework
 Extra
curriculars
 Reading as a way of life
COMMUNICATION
“Effective communication is easily discussed but
much more difficult to implement. Knowing
what to do is not the same as doing what you
know. Communicating effectively requires
narrowing the gap between what we know and
what we do.”
From Raising Resilient Children by Goldstein
and Brooks
COMMUNICATION & RESILIENCE
Communication is the foundation for developing and
strengthening the following qualities of resilience:
 Empathy
 Hope
 Optimism
 Problem solving ability
 Reflection
 Coping ability
 Ease in interpersonal situations
 Self-worth
 Appropriate risk taking
 Sense of control or ownership over one’s life
TWO OVERARCHING COMMUNICATION
GUIDELINES
 “Am I saying or doing things in a way that would
make my children the most receptive to
listening to what I have to say and learning
from me?”
 “Would I want anyone to speak to me in the
way I’m speaking to my children?”
WHAT ARE THE GOALS OF EFFECTIVE
COMMUNICATION?
Over these middle school years what do you
want your communication to assist in
developing in your sons?
 Where do you want to be at the end of the
middle school in terms of your communication
with your sons?
 What are some of the “dead end streets” you
need to avoid?

A STARTING POINT - THE FAMILY MEETING
Select a food everyone looks forward to eating.
 Select a time that works for everyone and
commit to it.
 What was the best thing that happened to you
this week?
 What was the worst experience for you this
week?
 Is there anything I/we can do to help you?

Executive Function
The cognitive system that controls and
manages other cognitive processes
like:
• Planning
• Working memory
• Attention
• Problem solving
• Verbal reasoning
• Inhibition
• Mental flexibility
• Multi-tasking
• Initiation
HOMEWORK
The Physical Environment
 The Ritual of Routines

 Not
every night is the same, but as much as
possible every Monday night is the same.
 Celebrate during breaks to reinforce what has been
accomplished.
 Encourage effective time management with the
recording of actual times.
HOMEWORK
 Your
supportive role in homework
management – “Suggested Guidelines for
Parental Involvement in Homework”
 Complete the “Home Schedule Card”
 Develop a partnership with your son’s
teachers, not an adversarial role.
 Keep asking – “Am I enabling or
empowering?”
EXTRA CURRICULARS
 How
much is too much?
 Balance
 Routine
How we spend our time communicates what is valued
as important. Extra Curriculars should reduce our
anxiety and improve our confidence.
Remember – If the greater value is placed on the
extracurricular, then the message interpreted by
the student is that it is more important.
THE IMPORTANCE OF
READING FOR PLEASURE
For example, research with children has shown that
reading for pleasure is positively linked with the following
literacy-related benefits:







reading attainment and writing
text comprehension and grammar
breadth of vocabulary
positive reading attitudes
achievement in reading
greater self-confidence as a reader
pleasure reading in later life
There is also evidence that reading for
pleasure not only impacts on reading
achievement but also increases:
 general knowledge
 a better understanding of other cultures
 community participation
 a greater insight into human nature and
decision-making
BOYS AND READING





Boys need reading to serve
functional purposes
Boys read, but their
literacies aren’t privileged
in school or home
Good vs. evil themes
“Edgy” is good!
Series books popular
where relationships with
characters carry over
HOW YOU CAN HELP
YOUR SON READ MORE
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Value and foster the reading he already favors.
Middle school is NOT too late to read together before bed.
Good time for literature! (What could be higher quality
quality-time?)
Take him to the bookstore every paycheck. Let him pick out
a book. A little edgy is okay!
No statistical benefit to reading incentives—and potential
dangers to them
The importance of text-rich environment
A “community of readers” can be talking about or sharing
books with just one family member.
Read for work and pleasure in front of your son.
THE CHALLENGE FOR PARENTS
 You
have to keep asking yourself, “Is
this the hill I want to die on?”