Transcript Writing in Plain Language - Texas Department of Assistive and

Presented by
Jola Edwards
Policy Technical Assistance
Center for Policy and Innovation
Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services
1
It’s about communicating.
What is it?
Why should
I use it?
How do I do
it?
2
Just Say It.
Plain
language
makes it
easy for
readers to:
 Find
 Read
 Understand
 Act on
INFORMATION
3
Plain Language is a
worldwide movement.
 Sweden
 Government
 UK
 Business
 European Union
 Healthcare
 Canada
 Legal
 Australia
 Mexico
 United States
4
“Clear writing from your
government is a civil right.”
—Former Vice President Al Gore, 1998
5
Why use plain language?
 Saves time
 Reduces
mistakes
 telephone calls
 litigation
 frustration

 Saves money
 Is more easily translated
 Is more accessible
6
Example of cost savings:
In 2007, after rewording its letters, Arizona's
Department of Revenue received about
11,000 fewer
phone calls
than in the
year before.
7
Testimonial from the federal government
“The focus on PL let everyone
know that it is OK to be clear, that
we don't have to hide our
message behind big words and
bureaucratic language.”
(Veterans Benefits Administration)
8
The Wizard of Id
9
Web Accessibility Content
Guidelines (WCAG) 2.0:
Guideline 3.1 Readable:
Make text content readable and
understandable.
—World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)
http://www.w3.org/TR/2008/NOTE-WCAG20-TECHS-20081211/G153
10
The Plain Language Process:
1. Identify your audience
2. Organize to meet their
needs
3. Write using plain
language techniques
11
The Plain Language Process:
4. Create a user-friendly
design
5. Test your document to
see if it is really
“plain.”
12
Document Design:
Which would you rather read?
Diagnostic Procedures
At the beginning of the process are the application and diagnostic procedures upon
which you base your eligibility decision. Your role as the counselor is to initiate, analyze,
and evaluate information considering the overall process. It may be helpful at this stage
to "begin with the end in mind"—in other words, consider what outcomes are needed
from each piece of the process to move to the next step.
At application and throughout the diagnostic interview, you have the first opportunity
to investigate the impact of disability on the consumer. Investigating this kind of
information in the diagnostic interview is a complex process of probing and exploration.
You must be prepared with the right questions and focus on the outcome to ensure that
you can gather pertinent information, if it is not readily available.
You may consider part of the interview as a service orientation in which you explain
your role of counselor as direct provider of services, arranger or coordinator of services,
and consumer advocate.
The consumer must glimpse what is possible, even if the person does not yet fully
understand the role he or she will play in becoming successful. Depending on the level of
participation possible from the consumer, you should also explain any further diagnostic
procedures, the eligibility process, and decision making that influences further planning.
A sensitive, thorough interview is necessary, since one outcome may be that you find no
indication of a disability and recommend that the person seek services from another
source.
The level and extent of evaluations you request to supplement the interview should be
based on your diagnostic appraisal. Conserving funds and time dictates obtaining only
the amount of information needed to evaluate the individual consumer. Again, "beginning
with the end in mind" helps you to clarify the decisions you must make for eligibility when
you first meet the consumer. The application, diagnostic interview, and subsequent
diagnostic procedures are the first of several cornerstone pieces of a sound plan of
services to reach the agreed-upon outcome.
Having sound diagnostic information leads you to determining eligibility. The
diagnostic interview is a significant vehicle for collecting information because it allows the
consumer to provide you with needed social and vocational history. If you have not
sufficiently developed this piece, you may fail to realize the need for a medical,
psychological, educational, or vocational evaluation, a failure that could lead to a poor
eligibility decision or developing a less than optimal plan for employment. You must see
the diagnostic interview as a critical part of planning and decision making. Your role is to
listen effectively and to ask questions as necessary.
Diagnostic Procedures
At the beginning of the process are the application and
diagnostic procedures upon which you base your eligibility
decision. Your role as the counselor is to initiate, analyze,
and evaluate information considering the overall process.
It may be helpful at this stage to "begin with the end in
mind"—in other words, consider what outcomes are needed
from each piece of the process to move to the next step.
Developing a Plan
At application and throughout the diagnostic interview, you
have the first opportunity to investigate the impact of disability
on the consumer. Investigating this kind of information in the
diagnostic interview is a complex process of probing and
exploration. You must be prepared with the right questions
and focus on the outcome to ensure that you can gather
pertinent information, if it is not readily available.
You may consider part of the interview as a service orientation
in which you explain your role of counselor as
 direct provider of services,
 arranger or coordinator of services, and
 consumer advocate.
The consumer must glimpse what is possible, even if the
person does not yet fully understand the role he or she will
play in becoming successful.
13
Accessible design is
universal design
 Informative headings
and subheadings
 Left-aligned, ragged
right
 Line length of 65
characters or less
 Bulleted or numbered
lists
 Tables
 White space
14
What are
some of the PL writing techniques?
 Action verbs rather








than nominals
Active rather than
passive voice
No extra words
Simple words
Well-placed words
Breaking up noun chains
Simple tables
Well-structured lists
Personal pronouns
 Question and Answer







format
Present tense
Shorter sentences
One topic in each
paragraph
Fewer sublevels
Words, not slashes
Parallel phrasing
“Must” instead of “shall”
15
Action Verbs Rather than Nominals
A nominal is a verb that has been changed
into a noun.
Nominal
DARS conducted an investigation of the complaint.
Action Verb
DARS investigated the complaint.
16
Just say No to Nominals!
 Nominals
 Action Verbs
 perform an assessment of
 assess
 give consideration to
 consider
 make payment
 pay
 conduct a review of
 review
 issue a report
 report
17
Why use action verbs
instead of nominals?
Too many nouns
Active verbs
 Abstract
 Concrete
 Wordy
 Concise
 Sluggish
 Lively
18
“Prefer the concrete word to the abstract.
. . .abstract expression and the excessive
use of nouns are almost the same thing.
The cure [is to clear away] noun rubbish.”
—H. W. Fowler, “The King’s English,”
1908
19
Exercise 1: Edit to Clean Up the
“Noun Rubbish” ( = Nominals)
Before entering into a contract for consumer goods or
services, the division
 conducts an assessment of the need for the good or
service, and
 makes a determination of how to measure contract
quality and performance.
Exercise 1
20
Active Voice
 Uses normal word order in a sentence:
subject—verb—object
 Tells “who” “did what” to “whom.”
Example:
Sally wrote the rule.
21
Passive Voice
object becomes the subject.
 The doer of the action (the usual subject)
 The
 disappears, or
 moves to the end of the sentence in a "by" phrase.
 The verb uses a form of "to be" with the
past participle.
Examples:
The rule was written.
The rule was written by Sally.
22
If overused, passive voice
• makes the reader
work harder
• creates sluggish,
foggy writing
23
Active voice is more
Concise!
Direct!
Lively!
24
Never say never. . .even
about passive voice. . . .
 Use it when
 you don’t want to identify the doer
 the doer is unknown, unimportant, or
obvious
 the law is the doer
Example:
The rule was repealed in 2009.
25
Never say never. . .even about
passive voice.
 OR, use it to mention the object at the first of a
sentence to link up with something mentioned in
the preceding sentence.
Example:
A consumer may designate a representative.
The representative may be authorized to sign
documents or speak for the consumer.
26
Never say never. . .even about
passive voice.
Passive voice can thus sometimes
improve the flow of ideas in a
paragraph.
But use it knowingly and sparingly.
27
Exercise 2—Passive Voice
 Support functions that are defined in the BEAT
plans are provided by the BEAT Team. Logistical
checklists are contained in the BEAT plans to
guide department team members during
recovery operations. BEAT plans must be
reviewed by department managers and team
members at least twice annually in conjunction
with the BEAT exercises.
Exercise 2a How many passive verbs?
28
Exercise 2—Passive Voice
 Support functions that are defined in the BEAT
plans are provided by the BEAT Team.
 Logistical checklists are contained in the BEAT
plans to guide department team members during
recovery operations.
Exercise 2b Rewrite in active voice
29
Time for a break!
30
No Extra Words
 Cut out
1. unnecessary repetition
2. wordy phrases
3. extra prepositional
phrases
4. unnecessary adjectives
5. clutter words
31
Unnecessary Repetition
Before
Billable activities include
 meeting with the consumer to gather
information and document the assessment
for the consumer’s care plan, and
 meeting with the consumer to gather
information and document the
reassessment for the consumer’s care
plan.
32
Unnecessary Repetition
After
Billable activities include meeting with the
consumer to gather information and
document the following for the consumer’s
care plan:
 the assessment, and
 the reassessment.
33
2. Wordy Phrases
Phrases that use many words to do the work
of one or two.
 at this point in time
 during the period when
 due to the fact that
 in the event that
 notwithstanding the fact that
34
Wordy Phrases
 at this point in time
now
 during the period when
when
 due to the fact that
since, because
 in the event that
if
 notwithstanding the fact that
although
35
3. Too Many Prepositional
Phrases
create wordiness and add extra nouns (and thus
abstraction).
 In general, writing that is
 “LEAN” averages 1 preposition
for every 10–15 words.
 “FLABBY” may have 1 preposition
for every 4–5 words.
 Watch out for too many “of’s” in a sentence.
—Bryan Garner’s Modern American Usage
36
Too Many Prepositional
Phrases
 Flabby:
… but only such services as are needed [for such
individual] [by reason] [of his condition] [of being
disabled]. (4)
 Lean:
… but only those services the consumer needs
because he or she has a disability. (0)
37
Too Many Prepositional
Phrases
Flabby:
 If the location [of the land] is [in a state] other [than
the state] [in which] the tribe’s reservation is located,
the tribe’s justification [of anticipated benefits] [from
the acquisition] will be subject [to greater scrutiny].
7 prepositional phrases
38
Too Many Prepositional
Phrases
Lean:
 If the land is [in a different State] [than the tribe's
reservation], we will scrutinize the tribe's justification
[of anticipated benefits] more thoroughly.
3 prepositional phrases
39
4. Unnecessary Adjectives
 [considerable] difficulty
 [pertinent] information
 [personal] opinion
 [integral] part
 [future] plans
 [new] innovation
 [violent] explosion
 [absolutely] necessary
40
5. Clutter Words
 The office has not [yet] received the report.
 The worker denied [any] knowledge of the
new forms.
 The governor is [now] serving his third term.
 The program will close [down] on July 1.
41
Every word that is
unnecessary only pours
over the side of a
brimming mind.
—Cicero
42
Exercise 3: No Extra
Words
Vocational rehabilitation services for eligible
individuals involved in pursuit of education are
currently the responsibility of the Division for
Rehabilitation Services and not the responsibility
of state colleges and universities.
Exercise 3
43
Simple Words
Understood
quickly &
easily
Prefer the
Anglo Saxon
word to the
Latin
derivative
44
Latin
Derivative
prior to
Anglo
Saxon
before
subsequent to after
acquire
get
adjacent to
beside
conceal
hide
45
Simple, Everyday Words
Not these,
utilize
assist
numerous
individual
methodology
initiate
shall
obtain
But these:
 use
 help
 many
 person, consumer
 methods
 begin, start
 must
 get
46
Example of a Simpler Word
Before:
 The counselor assists the consumer
with making an informed choice.
After:
 The counselor helps the consumer
make an informed choice.
47
Our national tendency is to inflate and
thereby sound important. . . . But the secret
of good writing is to strip every sentence to
its cleanest components.
—William Zinsser,
On Writing Well, 1998
48
49
Exercise 4: Simple Words
Any employee utilizing air transportation may be
authorized by the supervisor prior to the trip to engage
a rental vehicle in the destination city when the
expenditure
 will be less than taxi fare, or
 empowers the traveler to accomplish agency
business more efficiently.
Exercise 4
50
Well-Placed Words
Keep related words close together:
 subjects, verbs,
& objects
 modifiers &
the things
they modify
51
Well-Placed Words
Before:
Accommodations that were established
during phases 6 and 7 as prescribed in the
business plan to ensure that the individual
is able to maintain a successful long-term
business are reviewed monthly.
52
Well-Placed Words
After:
Accommodations were prescribed in the
business plan to ensure that the consumer
can maintain a successful long-term
business. The accommodations were put
in place during phases 6 and 7 and are
reviewed monthly.
53
Breaking Up
Noun Chains
 DARS program division contract procurement
responsibility resides with . . .
 Responsibility for procuring contracts for DARS
program divisions resides with . . .
54
Simple tables make it easy
 take in complex ideas at a glance
 locate specific provisions
 save words
 clarify logic and structure
55
Simple Tables
Find the table in this sentence:
We must receive your completed application
form on or before the 15th day of the second
month following the month you are
reporting if you do not submit your
application electronically or the 25th day of
the second month following the month you
are reporting if you submit your application
electronically.
56
We must receive your completed application form on or before the following dates:
Method of
Date we must receive it
submitting
your form
electronically the 25th day of the second
month following the month
you are reporting.
other than
the 15th day of the second
electronically month following the month
you are reporting.
57
Well-Structured Lists
Well-structured lists
 make it easy for the
reader to
find all the items
follow the steps
 add white space for
eye appeal
58
Find the list in this
sentence:
The student applicant should submit an
official copy of his or her transcript, two
letters of recommendation from
professors, a statement of financial need,
and a short biographical statement to our
grants office by April 15.
59
Did you find this?
To apply, submit the following items to our grants office
by April 15:
 an official copy of your transcript,
 two letters of recommendation from professors,
 a statement of financial need, and
 a short biographical statement.
Of course you did!
60
Personal Pronouns
 engage
Yes, Virginia,
readers
you can say
 simplify verbs
“we” & “you.”  reduce
wordiness
 provide a less
official tone
61
“You” hits home with the reader.
62
Simpler Verbs with “You”
3rd person:
The counselor assesses the consumer.
2nd person:
You assess the consumer.
or
Assess the consumer.
63
Example of Third Person
When the counselor becomes aware of a lawsuit, the
counselor
 provides the consumer with a copy of DARS7500,
and
 reviews it with the consumer to answer any
questions.
64
Example of Second Person
When you become aware of a lawsuit,
 give the consumer a copy of DARS7500, and
 review it with the consumer to answer any questions.
Less wordy, isn’t it?
65
How to Use “You”
Use “you” for the person who follows the policy.
Example from DARS Policy Manual:
As soon as you have access to the electronic
case management system, create a pseudo
PIN.
66
How to Use “You”
If you are writing to the consumer,
 use “you” to refer to the consumer, and
 use “we” or “us” to refer to the agency.
Example:
You may request a duplicate certificate when you need
one by contacting us.
67
Identify who “you” refers to in
your document.
Examples
 If you are the VR counselor, you must . . . .
or
 In this chapter, “you” refers to the VR counselor.
68
Example: More than 1 “You”
 Use the following guidelines to help people with
physical disabilities when an evacuation has been
ordered.
o If you are a floor safety coordinator, you must
1.
2.
check on employees in your area who have special needs
during an evacuation, and
ensure that each employee with a disability has an
evacuation buddy and a back-up buddy who will help the
person in the evacuation.
69
Example, continued
 If you are an evacuation buddy,
o attempt to rescue or evacuate a disabled employee
only
1.
2.
if you have had rescue training, or
if the employee is in immediate danger and cannot wait for
professional help;
o always ask the person
1.
2.
3.
how you can help,
how you can best move the person, and
whether there are any special considerations, or items you
need to bring with you.
70
Example: Excerpt from CFR
§ 3501.16 Does my permit or lease grant me
an exclusive right to develop the lands covered
by the permit or lease?
No. Your permit or lease gives you an exclusive
right to the mineral, but not to the lands.
—Bureau of Land Management
71
Wordiness, fixed by “you”
Before:
Business and Consumer Purchasing staff members
must complete DARS1308, Conflict of Interest
Certification, by September 1 each year. The original
of the completed DARS1308 is kept in the Business
and Consumer Purchasing staff member’s personnel
file and a copy is kept by the staff member’s
supervisor.
(46 words)

72
Wordiness, fixed by “you”
After:
You must complete DARS1308, Conflict of Interest
Certification, by September 1 each year. The original
form is kept in your personnel file, and a copy is kept
by your supervisor.
(30 words)
73
Exercise 5: Personal Pronouns
Edit the following paragraph to use “you” for the applicant.
The applicant will be the primary source of information
regarding his or her circumstances for the purposes of
determining eligibility and need. If the counselor needs to
secure information from other sources, the counselor will ask
the applicant to authorize the release of information.
Exercise 5
74
Review:
Wordy, unclear policy
In those cases when an individual is incapable of
entering a PIN, the counselor or RST may enter one.
When the counselor or RST enters a PIN for the
individual, the action must be witnessed. The witness'
name is entered on RSS in the appropriate space.
(46 words)
75
Concise, clear policy
When a consumer cannot enter a PIN, you
 enter a PIN for the consumer,
 have the action witnessed, and
 enter the witness's name in the electronic case
management system.
(29 words)
76
Want to learn more about PL?
 Plainlanguage.gov
77
A Plain English Handbook
How to create clear SEC disclosure
documents
 http://www.sec.gov/pdf/handbook.pdf
before
The foregoing Fee Table is intended to assist investors
in understanding the costs and expenses that a
shareholder in the Fund will bear directly or
indirectly.
after
This table describes the fees and expenses that you
may pay if you buy and hold shares of the fund.
78
DARS Document Design
and Style Guide
Chapter 5:
DARS
Editorial
Style Guide
 explains PL
techniques
 promotes
consistent
 grammar
 format
 mechanics
http://darsnet.dars.txnet.state.tx.us/bookshelf/dars/design/default.htm
79
In Conclusion
 Plain language techniques are not new; they are the
tenets of good clear writing that have been around
for years.
 PL is all about identifying and respecting the reader,
not burdening the reader with
 unnecessary legalese,
 bureaucratic gobbledygook, or
 flabby writing.
 It provides the best customer service to our readers.
80
Perfection is achieved,
not when there is nothing more to add,
but
when there is nothing left to take away.
—Antoine de Saint-Exupery
81
Exercise 1: Edit to Clean Up the
“Noun Rubbish” ( = Nominals)
Before entering into a contracting for consumer goods
or services, the division
 conducts an assessesment of the need for the good
or service, and
 makes a determinesation of how to measure
contract quality and performance.
Exercise 1 Suggested Answer
82
Exercise 2—Passive Voice
 Support functions that are defined in the BEAT
plans are provided by the BEAT Team. Logistical
checklists are contained in the BEAT plans to
guide department team members during recovery
operations. BEAT plans must be reviewed by
department managers and team members at least
twice annually in conjunction with the BEAT
exercises.
Exercise 2a How many passive verbs?
83
Exercise 2—Passive Voice
 Support functions that are defined in the BEAT
plans are provided by the BEAT Team.
 The BEAT Team provides BEAT plans that define
support functions.
 Logistical checklists are contained in the BEAT
plans to guide department team members during
recovery operations.
 The BEAT plans contain logistical checklists to
guide department team members during
recovery operations.
Exercise 2b Rewrite in active voice
84
Exercise 3: Be Concise
Vocational rehabilitation services for eligible
individuals involved in pursuit of education are
currently the responsibility of the The Division for
Rehabilitation Services, and not the responsibility
of state colleges and universities, is responsible for
vocational rehabilitation services for consumers
enrolled in education.
Exercise 3 Suggested Answer
85
Exercise 4: Simpler Words
Any employee utilizing using air transportation travel,
may be authorized by the supervisor prior to the trip to
engage a rental vehicle rent a car (with the
supervisor’s prior approval) in at the destination city
when the expenditure doing so saves money or time.
 will be less than taxi fare, or
 empowers enables the traveler to do accomplish
agency business more efficiently.
Exercise 4 Suggested Answer
86
Exercise 5: Personal Pronouns
Edit the following paragraph to use “you” for the applicant.
The applicant You will be the primary source of information
regarding his or her your circumstances for the purposes of
determining eligibility and need. If the counselor needs to
secure information from other sources, the counselor will ask
the applicant you to authorize the release of information.
Exercise 5 Suggested Answer
87
 "The Official Style . . . builds its sentences on a form
of the verb 'to be' plus strings of prepositional
phrases fore and aft; it buries the action of its verbs
in nominative constructions with the passive voice; it
often separates the natural subject from the natural
verb by big chunks of verbal sludge; it cherishes the
long windup and the slo-mo opening."
—Richard A. Lanham,
Revising Prose 15
(3d ed. 1992)
88