Transcript international online dating

Marriages and Families:
Changes, Choices and Constraints
Seventh Edition
Nijole V. Benokraitis
Chapter Eight
How Often Do We Date?
A majority of Americans age 18 and
older either are dating or would like to.
Dating has declined among people
under age 18, but 24% of high school
students say they date frequently.
How we meet people and what we call
dating has changed over the years.
Why Do We Date?
Sociologists consider dating a “marriage
market” in which the participants look at the
assets and liabilities in each partner and
decide which is the best for what they have
to offer.
Dating fulfills a number of specific functions
that vary according to a person’s age,
social class and gender. Functions may be
manifest or latent.
Manifest Functions of Dating
Maturation
Fun and recreation
Companionship
Love and affection
Mate selection
Latent Functions of Dating
Socialization
Social status
Fulfillment of ego needs
Sexual experimentation and intimacy
Big business
The Dating Spectrum
In traditional dating, males and females follow
clear, culturally defined gender role scripts,
at least among the middle class.
Bat Mitzvah and Bar Mitzvah in the Jewish
community.
“Going steady” and “getting pinned” were
popular after WWII. A couple was pinned
when her boyfriend gave her his fraternity
pin.
“Going with” or “going together” means a
couple is dating exclusively.
Contemporary Dating
Much more casual and usually happens in
groups. Teenagers now a days “hang out”.
“Getting together” is more intimate and
structured than hanging out. The specifics
are more spontaneous.
“Hooking Up” is a little more serious and
usually involves a physical encounter. It is
a vague term and can mean anything from
kissing to having sex.
Traditional and
Contemporary Combinations
Proms and Homecoming Parties-still
among the most popular dating events
for young people.
Dating in later life. Dating after divorce
or after being widowed can be
therapeutic and intimidating.
Online dating has become more popular
in recent years as well.
How do we meet people
Personal Ads-published in mainstream
magazines, the web etc
Mail Order Brides-There are more than
200 international services that provide
men seeking an international bride.
There is still a lot of controversy over
this type of business.
How do we meet people?
Professional matchmakers-make a
living by matching people up.
Speed dating- The idea is to meet as
many people as you can in a very
short time.
Cyberdating
Millions of people turn to the internet to
find the right person these days.
There are pros and cons to trying to
find a dating partner in this way.
Choosing Whom we Date:
Choices and Constraints
In the US we think we can marry
whomever we want, and we can to an
extent, but there are many forces at
work in helping us make that decision.
We are affected by many things like our
religion, family and socio economic
status.
Homogamy and Filter Theory
According to filter theory we sift eligible
people according to specific criteria
and thus narrow the pool of potential
partners to a small number of
candidates.
Homogamy refers to dating or marrying
someone with similar backgrounds
that we have.
Homogamy and Filter Theory
These are some of the things we use to “filter” potential mates:
– Propinquity-geographic closeness
– Ethnicity and Race-to some these are still important
factors in finding a partner.
– Religion-cam also affect dating and marriage
relationships.
– Social Class-we tend to stay with groups within our own
social .
– Physical Appearance-no matter how we want to look at it,
appearance does matter.
– Age-we generally marry someone close to our own age in
most situations.
– Values and Personality-we look for am partners who are
much like us.
Heterogamy: Expanding the
Marriage Market
As US society becomes more diverse and
multicultural, marrying across traditional
boundaries is bound to happen.
Some “"new kinds" of relationships include
–
–
–
–
Same Sex Relationships
Social Class Cross Relationships
Interfaith relationships
Interracial and interethnic relationships
Theories of Mate Selection
Social Exchange Theory posits that
people will begin and remain in a
relationship if the rewards are higher
than the costs.
Equity Theory-an intimate relationship is
satisfying and stable if both partners
see it as equitable and mutually
beneficial.
Dating Violence
Just as there can be abuse in married
relationships, there can be violence in
dating relationships. The violence is
usually born out of the struggle for
power in the relationship with mostly
women losing.
Not only violence, but rape can happen
just as easily in a dating relationship.
A Global View
Most traditional cultures do not have the open
court ship abilities that we have in this
country. In some very traditional countries
children are betrothed to someone when
they are very young and a marriage is seen
as a contract between two families.
These traditional marriage arrangements are
changing in some traditional cultures,
especially the ones who have more
educated young people.
There are consequences of
Date Rape
The victim in many cases blame
themselves. Not only do they end up
blaming themselves, but often others
blame the victim as well.
This makes it extremely difficult to tell to
a judge and a jury what really
happened.
Why We Break Up?
According to one poll nearly half of Americans
adults have gotten the romantic heave-ho
at least twice in their lifetime.
There are numerous reasons for break ups
that include: Individual reasons
(communication problems, different
interests, emotional and physical abuse.)
Structural reasons which include: Moving
away, economic hardships that trigger
unemployment and fights about money.