Transcript Bio 27 October 15 Chapter 7: Love, Relationships, and

WHAT IS LOVE?
Passionate vs. Companionate Love
• Passionate Love: a state of
extreme absorption with
and desire for one another
– Accompanied by increased
heart rate, perspiration,
blushing, and great
excitement
– Typically short-lived (months)
• Companionate Love:
characterized by friendly
affection and deep
attachment
– Communication and
understanding of one another
can enhance sex life
FALLING IN LOVE
The (brain) chemistry of love
• Neurotransmitters
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Norepinephrine
Dopamine
Phenylethylamine (PEA)
Oxytocin
• Loss of romantic love
may be associated with
tolerance of
neurotransmitters
• Endorphins: morphinelike brain chemicals that
promote a sense of
security & peace;
increased in long-term
relationships
Falling in Love
• Proximity
– Mere exposure effect
– Greater proximity often reflects shared interests
(like taking a class together)
• Similarity: homophily
– People who fall in love tend to have similar beliefs,
values, attitudes, interests, and intellectual abilities
– Also tend to pair with people whose physical
attractiveness is similar to our own
– People are also more likely to end up relationships
with someone of a similar age, educational status,
religion, race, and ethnicity
Role of Similarity in Relationships
Falling in Love: Reciprocity
• Reciprocity
– When someone shows
they like us, we tend to
like them back
– Increases in selfesteem
– Increases likelihood of
relationship enduring
Falling in Love: Physical Attractiveness
• Physical Attractiveness
– Belief that “what’s
beautiful is good”
– Offer status by
association
– Most important in early
stages
– May be an indicator of
physical health
– Males tend to place
greater emphasis on
physical attractiveness
ISSUES IN LOVING RELATIONSHIPS
The relationship between love and sex
• Relationship between the two is not always
clear
– “Hook-ups” and “friends with benefits” vs. dating
– Can also have a dating-like relationship without
sex
• Questions to consider:
– Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?
– Do men and women have different views of sex
and love?
Sexual Orientation & Attitudes About
Love and Sex
• Stereotype: same-sex
relationships as
primarily sexual
• Sex differences among
lesbians and gay men
are consistent with
general sex difference
in attitudes toward love
and sex
– Gay men are more likely
than lesbians to
separate love from sex
– Lesbians more likely to
postpone sex until
intimacy has been
established
Jealousy in Relationships
• Jealousy-prone person
– Low self-esteem
– High value on wealth, popularity,
and physical attractiveness
• Negative consequences
– Precipitates partner violence
– Stifles relationship development
– Raises anxiety, depression, and
anger
• Sex differences
– Women more likely to
acknowledge feelings of jealousy
– Men tend to focus more on
sexual involvement with another
MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIP
SATISFACTION
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction
• Factors associated with
high marital
satisfaction:
– Parents of both spouses had
happy, successful marriages
– Spouses have similar
attitudes, interests, and
personalities
– Both spouses satisfied with
sex life
– Couple has an adequate and
steady income
– The woman was not pregnant
when the couple married
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction
• Characteristics of high
quality relationships:
– Supportive communication
– Companionship
– Sexual expression and
variety
– Seeing partner as best friend
– Maintaining frequent positive
interaction
Sexual Variety
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Not important to everyone
Communication is critical
Be spontaneous
Plan for intimate time
Don’t worry about frequency “standards”
Discovering Your Partner’s Needs
• Ask questions
– Yes/No questions
– Open-ended questions
– Either/Or questions
• Self-disclosure
• Discuss sexual
preferences
• Give permission
• Learn to make
requests
Taking Responsibility For Your Own
Pleasure:
• Make requests specific
• Use “I” language
• Expressing and receiving complaints
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Choose right time and place
Temper complaints with praise
Avoid “why” questions
Limit to one complaint per discussion
Express your feelings
Focus on future changes
Saying No
• Three step approach
– Show appreciation for invitation
– Say no in a clear, unequivocal fashion
– Offer alternatives
Communication Patterns in
Relationships
• Gottman’s constructive communication tactics
– Leveling and editing
– Validating
– Volatile dialogue
• Gottman’s destructive communication tactics
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Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Belligerence
Final Reflection
Based on what you have learned
today, what do you feel is the most
important thing you can do differently
to improve your current romantic
relationship if you have one or a future
romantic relationship?