Transcript The Psychology of Love -

April 15, 2016
Day #3 of 8
Types of Attachment
&
Communication
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1
Love & Loss
Day #3 of 8
April 15, 2016
 3 Types of Attachment Formation
Mary Ainsworth
 Attachment Formation &
Adult Relationships
 Men’s vs. Women’s
Communication Styles
Deborah Tannen
2
ATTACHMENT
…is the tendency of human infants
and animals to become emotionally
close to certain individuals and to be
calm and soothed while in their
presence. A person who was soothed
in the presence of a specific other
person and felt calm around them,
could be said to feel an attachment.
From: http://psychologydictionary.org/attachment/
3
ATTACHMENT
…let’s take another look at
the twins,
Brielle and Kyrie.
4
Brielle
Kyrie
In isolation:
Brielle was fussy
and not
gaining weight.
With Kyrie:
Brielle became
more calm and
thrived.
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CORTISOL
THE STRESS HORMONE
6
Brielle
Kyrie
In isolation:
Brielle had
higher levels
of cortisol.
With Kyrie:
Brielle had
lower levels
of cortisol.
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The Autonomic Nervous System
It is the interface between our
central nervous system and our
internal organs, glands, and
smooth muscle tissue.
It serves to monitor and regulate
our internal environment.
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The Autonomic Nervous System
Parasympathetic
Branch
 Relaxed & Safe
(response to the old/familiar)
 Adapted/Habituated
 Bladder Walls
contract
 Bladder Sphincter Muscle
is not contracted
 Conserve energy
(Sleep/Feed & Breed)
 Lacrimal gland secretes
 Lower levels of cortisol
 (Parasympathetic Overshoot)
after intense excitement
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Sympathetic
Branch
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Excited & On Alert
(response to the new/unfamiliar)
Novelty Effect – Orienting
Bladder Walls
are not contracted
Bladder Sphincter Muscle
contracts
Burn energy
(Fight/Flight & Freeze)
Dry/burning eyes
Higher levels of cortisol
Brielle
Isolation was
unfamiliar:
Brielle was more
excited and on alert.
Kyrie
Being with Kyrie was
familiar and safe:
Brielle became more
relaxed.
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The Autonomic Nervous System
Parasympathetic
Branch
Sympathetic
Branch
Relaxed & Safe
Excited & On Alert
We each have a baseline level of arousal.
Different factors
influence our level of arousal
B = f(P x E)
…and for each task, there is an
optimal level of arousal at which
we will perform our best.
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THE LEVEL OF
PHYSIOLGICAL AROUSAL
LOW = relaxed
HIGH = on alert
Parasympathetic Branch
Sympathetic Branch
B = f(P x E)
Arousal = (Person x Environment)
Environment
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SITUATION FACTORS
HIGH & LOW LEVEL OF AROUSAL
TASKS
HIGH level of arousal tasks = new,
dangerous, face-to-face contact with
strangers, service-oriented jobs,
commission-based pay…
LOW level of arousal tasks = Old
(familiar), safe, contact with
things/machines/files only, productoriented jobs, interval-based pay…
THE LEVEL OF
PHYSIOLGICAL AROUSAL
LOW = relaxed
HIGH = on alert
Parasympathetic Branch
Sympathetic Branch
B = f(P x E)
Arousal = (Person
Person x Environment)
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PERSON FACTORS
INTROVERSION & EXTROVERSION
Introverts = Have a HIGH baseline level
of arousal. They reach the optimal level of
arousal with very little stimulation. They
tend to seek lower levels of stimulation
than extroverts. Seek Low-Arousal tasks.
Extroverts = Have a LOW baseline level
of arousal. They reach the optimal level of
arousal with a lot of stimulation. They
tend to seek higher levels of stimulation
than introverts. Seek High-Arousal tasks.
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We contact.
18
We contract.
19
Our
Inner
“Goldilocks”
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ATTACHMENT
To what or to whom
are we likely to
become attached?
Let’s look at
an early relationship
interaction.
21
EDWARD TRONICK’S
“DANCE OF SYNCHRONICITY”
&
THE STILL FACE
22
3 Types of Temperament
ALEXANDER THOMAS,
STELLA CHESS & HERBERT G. BIRCH
Observed 141 children at
2 months, 6 months, 1 yr., 2 yrs., 5 yrs., 10 yrs.
Easy
Slow to Warm Up
Difficult
Spirited
On today’s information page,
see the link to:
Mary Kurcinka
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3 Types of Attachment Formation
Mary Ainsworth
Secure
(Anxious) Avoidant
Anxious Ambivalent Resistant
A video clip on our Day #3 Information Page
The Strange Situation – Mary Ainsworth (3:15)
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Mary Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation”
 Parent & Baby play
 Parent as a secure base - Parent sits while Baby plays
 Stranger Anxiety - Stranger enters and talks to Parent
 Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves – Stranger lets Baby play & comforts if
needed
 Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, Stranger
leaves
 Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves
 Stranger Anxiety and Ability to be soothed by stranger - Stranger enters, comforts if
needed
 Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, lets Baby
return to play
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Four Attachment Types
Secure Attachment: A child who is securely attached to its caregiver will explore freely while
the caregiver is present, will engage with strangers, will be visibly upset when the caregiver
departs, and happy to see the caregiver return.
The child will not engage with the stranger if the caregiver is not in the room.
Anxious-Ambivalent Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-resistant attachment
style is anxious of exploration and of strangers, even when the caregiver is present. When the
caregiver departs, the child is extremely distressed. The child will be ambivalent when she
returns and will seek to remain close to the caregiver, but will be resentful, and also resistant
when the caregiver initiates attention.
Avoidant Anxious-Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-avoidant attachment style
will avoid or ignore the caregiver and show little emotion when the caregiver departs or
returns. The child will not explore very much, regardless of who is there. Strangers will not be
treated very differently from the caregiver. There is not much emotional range displayed
regardless of who is in the room or if it is empty.
Disorganized/Disoriented attachment: Characterized in Ainsworth's "strange situation"
task as a child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the form of
wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory patterns of
interaction with a caregiver.
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Temperament
&
Attachment Style
Nature or Nurture?
27
Identical Twins
Separated at Birth
Twin Female Teenagers
A
B
28
Attachment Style
. . . and memory.
29
Attachment Style at age 1
was measured in 53 Children
29 Secure and 24 Insecure
(Ambivalent & Avoidant)
Memory for events at age 3
was measured in these same
children
for
good events & bad events
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND
THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
Child
Attachment Type
at 12 months

Memory for Memory for
Good Event Bad Event


Secure 
Insecure 
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND
THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
Child
Attachment Type
at 12 months

Memory for Memory for
Good Event Bad Event

Secure  Very Good

Very Poor
Insecure 
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND
THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
Child
Attachment Type
at 12 months

Memory for Memory for
Good Event Bad Event


Secure  Very Good
Very Poor
Insecure  Very Poor
Very Good
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Attachment Formation
&
Adult Relationships
34
35
REJECTION SENSITIVITY
is related to poor attachment formation.
 Insecure Attachment Formation
 Mania love style
 More focused on
Safety & Belongingness needs
36
Rejection Sensitivity
 If Relationship Involvement is
Low…
…The person will likely terminate the
relationship at any sign of rejection.
37
Rejection Sensitivity
 If Relationship Involvement is
High…
…The person will likely become
jealous, controlling, hostile, and
then abusive at any sign of rejection.
38
“…nearing our
half-year
anniversary.”
39
Communication Styles
40
41
42
Written Question
43
LOVE
&
COMMUNICATION STYLES:
WOMEN’S AND MEN’S
DEBORAH TANNEN
 Expressive
 Instrumental
44
FEMALE COMMUNICATION
- EXPRESSIVE  The person already feels intimate
(willing to share concerns) and
expresses (shares) thoughts,
emotions, and behaviors as a means
to express and enhance the intimacy.
 Sharing a concern is
an expression of intimacy.
 Silence = no intimacy.
45
MALE COMMUNICATION
- INSTRUMENTAL –
 The person wants to change the
universe (solve a problem or
increase status) communication is
an instrument (a means) to change
things.
 Silence = no problem.
 Sharing a concern may
decrease status.
46
HOMECOMING
GREETINGS
AND
COMMUNICATION
STYLES
John Prine’s Angel from Montgomery
humorous
video
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go to
workoneach day,
Men’s
Brains
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say?”
47
LOVE & SEX
AND
COMMUNICATION
STYLES
48
LOVE & SEX
1st
Female Love Male Sex
2nd
Sex
Love
“Sex” as a mode of communication:
Expressive of love felt or Instrumental in getting love
Two versions of “The Love Song”
Female & Male
49
LOVE or SEX?
#1
Female Love
Male Sex
Which is most special?
50
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52
ROMANCE
DESIRE
&
“THE BASES”
53
TO INCREASE
ROMANCE & DESIRE
INCREASE
THE NUMBER OF
“BASES”
See Gottman’s 7 Principles on our Day #3 NotePages.
54
TREASURE
MOMENTS
TOGETHER.
55
“May you
find your
treasure
everyday!”
61
The End.
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