Transcript Communication Styles

Communication
How can I get others to
understand me?
Intrapersonal Skills
SELF
Definition - Those skills
used to communicate
with oneself
Examples:
-Self-Control
-Self-Discipline
-Self-Talk
-Accepting
Responsibilities
Interpersonal Skills
Others
Definition - Those skills
used to communicate
with others
Examples:
-Listening
-Talking
-Problem-Solving
-Understanding
Reasons Why We
Need These Skills
• They Help us to UNDERSTAND our own
behavior
• They Help us COPE with circumstances of
life
• They Help us CONTROL situations we
find ourselves in
Communication Styles
Transactional Analysis
Child-like Communication
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Easiest to recognize
Most natural to use
Immature
Least effective when
you are an adult
• Self-centered
• Many teens and
adults revert to this
style when they are
frustrated or upset
Child-like Communication
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Giving orders
Whining
Name calling
Yelling
Verbal abuse
Not listening
Interrupting
Topping
Throwing tantrums
Acting out of control
Parent-like Communication
• Has nothing to do with age
or being a parent
• Directing other’s behaviors
• Effective in getting others to
comply
• One-way or dictatorial
• Gets the point across
• Affects the behavior of
others
• Commonly used with those
using child-like
communication
Parent-like Communication
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Giving Instructions
Directing
Punishing
Demanding
Ordering
Talking down to
“Mom, get me a cookie.”
“Go get my book out of
my locker.”
• “Lend me a dollar”
Adult-like Communication
• Highest level
• Most desirable
• Most Effective
Adult-like Communication
• Desire for open- two way
communication
• Taking responsibility for
comments and actions
• Remaining calm
• Showing respect for others’
feelings and opinions
• Wanting to resolve
problems with a win-win
attitude
• Having trust in others
• Controlling emotions while
discussing
Which is the most effective style of
communication?
a. Child
b. Adult
c. Parent
Communication Hammer
Shank
Is like Non-Verbal
Communication
It is strong and can be
used to support
construction or
destruction
Communication Hammer
Claw
Is like Destructive
Communication
It is sharp and
dangerous and is
used to destroy and
tear down
relationships
Communication Hammer
Head
Is like Constructive
Communication
It is smooth and
rounded and is used
to build and help put
things together
Communication Hammer
Handle
Is like Us, the driving
force
We are in control of our
communication. We
choose to use it in a
constructive or
destructive manner.
Destructive Communication
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Threatening
Sarcasm
Interrupting
Swearing
Insulting
Harassing
Teasing
Gossip
Lies
Sexual Harassment
• Blaming
• Endless Fighting
• Character
Assassination
• Calling in
Reinforcements
• Withdrawal
• Need to be Right
• Playing the Martyr
• “You” Messages
Constructive Communication
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Timing
Asking Questions
Clarifying
Reflective Listening
Respect
Consideration
Listening
• Avoiding Intense
Emotions
• Honesty/Openness
• Positive &
Encouraging
• Keeping Confidences
• “I” Messages
“I” Messages
• Help to decrease tension and
defensiveness
• Simple structure:
– I feel __________ when _______________.
– Use feeling words for the first blank
– Use what is happening or causing the problem
in the second blank
– I feel angry when you ignore what I am saying.
Behavior Characteristics
Passive
• Always Agrees
• Buys from Everyone
• Takes the blame
• Lets others walk over
them
• Apologizes a lot
• Refers to Other’s
Opinions
Behavior Characteristics
Aggressive
• Tells others what to do
• Gets angry easily
• Forces their opinions on
others
• Demands explanations
• Critical
• Interrupts
• Sarcastic
• Runs over people
Behavior Characteristics
Assertive
• States Opinion Calmly
• Negotiates and makes
compromises
• Smiles
• Takes credit when due
• Doesn’t have to win
• Can admit mistakes
• Cooperates with others
• Listens to others
Conflict Resolution
Step 1 - Define the Problem
-Begin with the Positive
-Describe the specifics
-Express your Feelings
-Admit your part in the
situation
*Avoid changing the subject!
Conflict Resolution
Step 2 - Summarize
your feelings for
clarification
“So you feel angry
because took your
clothes without
asking.”
Conflict Resolution
Step 3 - Look for
solutions
There are many
solutions to one
problem.
Look for consequences.
Make compromises.
Each person should be
involved.
Conflict Resolution
Step 4 - End with an
expression of Love
(kindness) for each
other.
Conflict Resolution
If a resolution has not been
achieved within a short
period (30 mins or less),
put things on hold for a
set period of time.
Then readdress the problem
later.
Sessions that go too long
have very little chance of
a mutual resolution.
Verbal Drawing Exercise
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Down 2 inches
Right 3 inches
Up 2 inches
Diagonal Up and Left 2
inches
Diagonal Down and Left
2 inches
Right 3 inches
Down 2 inches
Left 2 inches
Up 1 and 1/2 inches
Right 1 inch
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Down 1 and 1/2 inches
Left 4 inches
Up 2 inches
Make a squiggly circle 2
inches around over the
top of the line
Down 2 inches
Left 2 inches
Up 4 inches
Make a smooth circle 1
inch around at the top of
the line
Draw triangles around
the circle
How Much Do
We Really Listen?
This Line represents 1 Hour of what we hear
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30 mins - we don’t hear what is said
15 mins - we don’t understand
7.5 mins - we don’t believe
3.5 mins - we forget
3.5 mins - We Remember!