Transcript active listening

How to gain information
Objectives:
Positions vs. Interests
Needs/motives determine behaviors.
1. Without information, without communication; without
communication, without negotiation;
2. Perception as a sense-making process to the environmental
stimuli.
3. How to gain information? 1) asking questions; 2) listening;
observing for signals
4. How to improve your behaviors and performance in
negotiations?
Perception & assumption
Perception is the process by which individuals “tune in” to their
environment.
stimulus
attention
recognition
translation
Behavior
perception
People as perceptual stimuli are more complex than simple sights, sounds,
or colors. People differ in physical characteristics (e.g. height, weight,
age, sex, race, dress, speech patterns) and emotional expressiveness
(facial gestures, body posture, hand movements, tone of voice).
Perceptual distortion:
stereotyping (attributes assigned to people solely on the basis of their
membership, or “in-group/out-group mentality”)
halo effects (one attribute of an individual assigned to its group
membership as a basis for classification)
selective perceptions (quick judgment on limited information)
projections (out of a need to protect our own self-concept)
perceptual defenses
(out of the instinct for self-preservation)
The communication package
Albert Mehrabian, a contemporary writer on nonverbal communication, has
determined from his research that as much as 93% of communication is nonverbal.
(Albert Mehrabian, Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and
Attitudes, 2nd ed. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, 1981, pp. 76-77)
The communication package
Verbal
Visual
vocal
tactile
hearing, sight, touch, smell, taste
olfactory
The role of language
In negotiations, language operates at two levels:
the “logical” level and the “pragmatic” level.
It is not only what is said that matters, but how it is said, and
what additional, veiled, or subsurface information is intended,
conveyed, or perceived in reception.
Chances for miscommunication abound.
Inquiring
1 The use of questions as a technique for clarifying
communications and eliminating noise and distortion.
2 Questions are essential elements in negotiations for securing
information.
Asking good questions enables a negotiator to secure a
great deal of information about the opponent’s position,
supporting arguments, and needs.
Manageable questions cause attention, get information,
and start thinking; unmanageable questions or questions
that cause difficulty, give information, and bring the
discussion to a false conclusion.
Nonverbal behavior
“Actions speak louder than words.”
“You’re a bad liar.”
“A picture is worth a thousand words.”
“Behavior is action--- communication is the generation of
meaning.”
Ex.
Have one member of the class stand in front of the group
without speaking for one minute, and ask the person to try
not to communicate. Ask the rest of the class to observe
during this time and to write down any messages they get
from the person. What messages did you get? Was the person
able to not communicate?
In interview situations, we try to communicate competence and
confidence, We do this through our mode of dress, our grooming,
posture, rate of speech, gesture, and facial expressions, to name a
few nonverbal modes.
The nonverbal behavoir
Cognitive map
Nonverbal
behavior
characteristics
Nonverbal
communication
Nonverbal
repertoire
Paralinguistics
Kinesics
Proxemics
Haptics
Physical characteristics
Nonverbal
skills
Functions
Sensitivity
Receptivity
Acccurate
comprehension
Sending clear
messages
paralinguistics
Paralinguistics or paralanguage: “with
language”, “accompanying speech”
= how you are saying it.
1. a bridge between nonlinguistics and “verbal”
linguistics (e.g. grammar, vocabulary,
pronunciation)
2. the “greasy” parts of speech: hesitations,
vocalizations, laughing, crying, sighing,
uh-huh, shh, pitch, articulation, rhythm,
resonance, tempo, volume, yelling,
whispering, moaning, whining, belching,
yawning, snorts, sniffs
Nonverbal communication(Power to the pupil)
Eye say, eye say, eye say,
Let’s throw linguistics away.
Just look into these eyes,
Observe the pupil size,
They’ll tell you when to fight and
when to play
Pupils generate the heat
Hearts begin to miss a beat
Interactions start to thrive
And people really come alive
When pairs of pupils in vibrant
silence meet.
Cast aside the MPI
For extroverts can surely lie
Adopt the seeker’s role
Into the window of the soul
Behold the wonders of the telltale
eye
1.
listening
We have two ears and only one tongue in order that we may hear more than
speak less. (Diogenes, 320 B.C.)
2.
"When the eyes say one thing and the tongue another, a practised one relies
on the language of the first." (Hindustani Proverb)
3.
The strategy and the planning of the negotiation (90% of the iceberg
submerged beneath the water); the tip of the iceberg is the negotiation itself.
75% of this tip involves active listening and 25% communicating ideas,
proposals, suggestions, alternatives and what you want from the negotiation.
4.
Tao Te Jing: Those who know do not speak, those who speak do not know.
5.
From listening comes wisdom, and from speaking repentance.
6.
True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of
love. (Scott Peck, 1978)
7.
Listening in a conversation is as important as talking.
Implications?
Three forms of listening
passive listening: a mere reception of the message, without feedback to
the sender about the accuracy or completeness of reception.
acknowledgement: When acknowledging, the receiver occasionally
nods her head, maintains eye contact, or interjects responses like “I
see,”, “mm-hmm,” “interesting,” “really,” “sure,” “go on,” and
the
like.
active listening (successful reflective responding) :
When the receiver is actively listening, he restates or paraphrases
the sender’s message in his own language, e.g.
“I don’t know how I am going to untangle this messy problem.”
(You’re really stumped on how to solve this one.)
“Please, don’t ask me about that now.” (Sounds like you’re
awfully busy right now.)
“I thought the meeting today accomplished nothing.” (You were
very disappointed with our session.)
Active listening
• the music behind the notes.
• Listening well means being able to understand the full import of what is
being said and to obtain the whole picture, so that it is posssible to respond
with the fullest amount of information at hand. It requires of the listener a
mental, emotional and physical commitment to understand what the other
person is saying. This means not simply looking at the person whilst they
are speaking, and conveying an interest, but also understanding what they
are saying, from their point of view rather than your own.
• Characteristics:
1) a greater emphasis on listening than on talking.
2) responding to personal rather than abstract points (personal feelings, beliefs, and
positions rather than abstract ideas).
3) following the other rather than leading him into areas we think we should be
exploring (exploring his frame of reference rather than forcing ours upon
him, at least until we fully understand his position).
4) clarifying what the other has said about his own thoughts and feelings
rather than close questioning or telling him what we believe he
should be thinking or feeling.
5) responding to the other’s feelings in his communication.
Helicoptering
•
•
•
•
•
"I have heard this all before and I know what he or she is going to be saying next
so I shall switch off."
Levels of Listening
1.
Head level. Intellectual level: a relatively straightforward interaction of
communication between two people.
2.
Feelings level. Our feelings can help or get in the way.
Helicoptering: involves the ability to maintain all the elements of active
listening that have been mentioned, as well as mentally having almost a
third eye which is hovering above the conversation, the meeting or the
telephone conversation and observing the negotiation as it develops.
Helicoptering resembles a video camera watching the whole process. Your
"third eye" is the camera. Imagine what it would be recording if it were
plugged on the wall watching the interaction.
Seeing the whole
Helicoptering is the part that distinguishes hearing from real or active listening, for it
demands that you maintain contact with the other person, respond and initiate, whilst
at the same time being able to beam up and view the conversation as a whole.
Perception of personality and vocal characteristics
Vocal cues
speakers Stereotyped perceptions
Breathiness
Males
Younger, more artistic
Females More feminine, prettier, more petite, more
effervescent, more high strung, and shallower
Thinness
Males
Did not alter listener’s image of the speaker.
Females Increased social, physical, emotional and mental
immaturity; increased sense of humor and sensitivity.
Flatness
More masculine, more sluggish, colder, more
withdrawn.
Nasality
A wide array of socially undesirable characteristics.
Tenseness
Males
Older, unyielding, cantankerous.
Females Younger, more emotional, feminine, high strung, less
intelligent.
To be continued
throatiness
Males
Females
Older, more realistic, mature; sophisticated, well
adjusted.
Less intelligent; more masculine;
orotundity
Males
More energetic, healthy, artistic, sophisticated, proud,
interesting, enthusiastic. “Hardy and aesthetically
inclined”
Increased liveliness, gregariousness, esthetic sensitivity,
proud and humorless.
females
Increased rate
More animated and extroverted.
Increased pitch Males
Females
More dynamic, feminine, variety, aesthetically inclined.
More dynamic and introverted.
Observing