Transcript Pieces Of The Whole - Positive Communication Systems

Pieces of The Whole
Using Transformative Mediation and
Communication Skills in High Conflict
Dialogues
Mardi Winder-Adams
Positive Communication Systems
www.poscs.com
Goals Of Transformative Mediation
 What are the major goals of transformative mediation?
 What specific tools are used in transformative mediation
sessions?
 What is the role of the mediator in transformative
mediation?
 What are the roles of the parties in transformative
mediations?
Transformative Tools In Other Settings
 Parenting Coordination
 Parenting Education
 Group Meeting Facilitation
 Family Communication Training
 Professional Development Workshops
 Negotiation Training
 Negotiation Consulting
 Coaching
 Daily Communication
 Effective Management
Just What Tools Transfer?
 Reframes
 Summaries
 Neutral language
 Thoughts Not Feelings
 Open Ended Questions
 Closed Questions For Clarification
 Active Listening Techniques
 Recognition and Empowerment
 Mindset of Resolution and Problem Solving
Creating A Safe Environment
Creating a physically safe environment
 Location
 Time
 Space
 Furniture
Creating an emotionally safe environment
 Neutral language
 Impartiality in words and actions
 Recognition
 Empowerment
Managing The Emotions
 The importance of true neutral language
 Focus on thoughts not feelings
 Emphasis on the present and future, not dwelling in the past
 Relevance of the parties contribution to the discussion
 Healthy emotions
 The damage of venting
 Modeling and mindset development
 Can do vs. can’t possibly do
 Starting with the opening message
Open Questions Vs. Closed Questions
 Why do parties in conflict prefer closed questions and avoid
open questions?
 What is the value of a closed question?
 What is the value of an open ended question?
 Rewording closed questions to get to the interests
Circular Questioning Techniques
 From the Milan Associates and the Milan model
 Challenging previously held hypothesis regarding the
conflict/issue/problem/discord
 Asking individuals within a system to explore the circular
connectiveness of the group rather than focus on the linear
relationships that most people draw (how others see the issue)
 Used to develop a systemic understanding based on perceived
differences that exist within a system
 Can show patterns of connection with regards to members of a
system by similar thoughts, behaviors, actions and perceptions
Neutralizing High Conflict Language
 Modeling for the parties
 Restating comments using quotes with exploration and
clarification
 Restating for the benefit of the speaker
 Restating for the benefit of the listener
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You are a liar.
That is another example of a racist remark.
I am always doing all the work and getting none of the credit.
You always were a terrible parent to the children.
Reframes – The Magic Bullet
 Captures the emotion, content and then a recognition component
for moving forward
 Allows the parties to focus on what is needed rather than what is
NOT desired
 Highly effective in allowing parties to understand they are being
heard
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You are a liar.
That is another example of a racist remark.
I am always doing all the work and getting none of the credit.
You always were a terrible parent to the children.
Active Listening Techniques
 Observing body language and actions
 Responding appropriately to cues
 Addressing emotions and thoughts
 Clarification
 Building understanding and rapport
 Modeling
Recognition
 "means the evocation in individuals of acknowledgment and
empathy for the situation and problems of others." (Bush and
Folger, 1994, p. 2.)
 Recognition is given, not demanded or necessarily
recipricated
 How can recognition be developed outside of the mediation
process?
 What techniques are useful in developing recognition
between the parties/participants/members?
Empowerment
 "empowerment means the restoration to individuals of a
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sense of their own value and strength and their own capacity
to handle life's problems.“ - (Bush and Folger, 1994, p. 2)
Occurs throughout the conversation/discussion/mediation
Is internal not external
Can only occur when parties are making their own decisions
and developing their own understanding
How is empowerment developed outside of the mediation
process?
Transformative Mediation Techniques
In Everyday Life and Business
 Parenting Coordination
 Consulting and Coaching
 Effective Communication Skills training
 Daily interactions
 Developing Policy
 Working in Teams
 Parenting Education Classes
 Interpersonal Skills Development Classes
 Barrier Analysis In Companies