Transcript Managing Conflict

Conflict
Conflict exists when individuals
who depend on each other
express different views, interests,
or goals and perceive their views
as incompatible or oppositional.
Conflict is
• Natural
• Inevitable
• Potentially constructive
Conflict
• Expressed disagreement—all conflict
is expressed verbally or nonverbally.
• Conflict can occur only between
people who depend on each other.
• Conflict involves opposition and is
more than just differences.
 The perception that our concerns are at odds

with those of another
The perception that we and another must
reconcile our differences
Principles of Conflict
• Conflict is a natural process in all
relationships.
• Conflict may be overt or covert.
 Overt conflict is out in the open and explicit.
 Covert conflict is hidden and often
unacknowledged.
• Passive aggressiveness is aggression that is
denied or disguised by the aggressor.
• Games are highly patterned interactions in which
the real conflicts are hidden or denied.
Principles of Conflict
• Conflict may be managed well or
poorly.
 It can either promote continuing
attachment or split a relationship apart,
depending on how differences are
managed .
 It involves intense emotions that we
may not know how to handle.
 Learning communication conflict skills
can help us deal with differences.
Principles of Conflict
• Conflict may be good for
individuals and relationships.
 It allows us to consider other points
of views.
 It can support our own identity by
clarifying how we differ from others.
 It expands partners’ views of each
other.
Chinese Character for Crisis
Danger
Opportunity
Approaches to Conflict
Win/Lose
One party gets
satisfaction
Lose/Win
The other party
gets satisfaction
Lose/Lose
Neither party gets
satisfaction
Win/Win
Both parties feel
satisfied
Responses to Conflict
• The exit response involves leaving a relationship
either by physically walking out or by
psychologically withdrawing.
• The neglect response occurs when an individual
denies or minimizes problems, disagreements,
anger, tension.
• The loyalty response is staying committed to a
relationship despite differences.
• The voice response is an active, constructive
strategy for dealing with conflict by talking about
problems and trying to resolve them.
Responses to
Relational Distress
Exit
Voice
Neglect
Loyality
Passive
Constructive
Destructive
Active
Social Influences on Conflict
Culture
• The majority of Mediterranean cultures
regard conflict as a normal and valuable
part of everyday life.
• Many Hispanic cultures perceive conflict
as an opportunity to be expressive and
dramatic.
• In the U. S. the emphasis on
individuality makes conflict competitive.
• In most Asian countries conflict is
condemned and a solution should be
found that benefits everyone and creates
harmony.
Social Influences on Conflict
Gender
• Women
• Men
 Enact loyalty and
 Respond with
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


voice
Are taught to put a
priority on a
relationship
Use talk to create
and sustain
closeness
Tend to defer and
compromise



exit/neglect
Place less emphasis
on talk
Minimize problems
May use coercive
tactics and force
their resolutions
Conflict causes
more physical and
psychological pain
Social Influences on Conflict
Sexual Orientation
• Sexual preference doesn’t seem to be
a major influence on how individuals
see and deal with conflict.
 Gays and lesbians appear to have fewer sexual


conflicts and to talk more openly about sexual
issues than heterosexuals.
Gay and lesbian partners have an intragender
empathy that creates less conflict.
Lesbian couples talk the most about
relationships, heterosexual couples the next
most, and gay couples the least reflecting
gender socialization.
Unproductive Conflict Patterns
• Early stages
 The foundation for destructive conflict is
established by communication that fails
to confirm individuals.
 Cross-complaining occurs when one
person’s complaint is met by a countercomplaint.
 Negative climates tend to build on
themselves.
Unproductive Conflict Patterns
• Middle stages
 Once a negative climate has been
set, it is stoked by other
unconstructive communication.
 Kitchensinking occurs when
everything except the kitchen sink is
thrown into the argument.
• Focusing on specific issues resolves conflicts
constructively.
 Marked by frequent interruptions that
disrupt the flow of talk
Unproductive Conflict Patterns
• Later stages
 Solutions become the focus
• Each person’s proposals are met with
counterproposals.
 Excessive metacommunication
• The communication patterns are discussed and never
return to the issues.
 Communication that makes up
unproductive conflict reflect
egocentrism, dogmatism and are self
perpetuating.
 Unproductive conflict doesn’t involve
dual perspective and it seals off
awareness of common grounds.
Constructive
Communication
Unproductive
Communication
• Validation of each other • Disconfirmation of each other
• Sensitive listening
• Poor listening
• Dual perspective
• Preoccupation with self
• Recognize other’s
• Cross-complaining
concerns
• Seek clarification
•Hostile mind reading
Constructive
Communication
Unproductive
Communication
• Infrequent interruptions
• Frequent interruptions
• Focus on specific issues
• Everything is thrown in
• Compromises and contracts
• Counterproposals
• Useful metacommunication
• Excessive
metacommunication
• Summarizing the
concerns for both
partners
• Self-summarizing
Guidelines for Effective
Communication During Conflict
• Focus on the overall communication
system.
• Time conflict effectively.

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Both people should be psychologically present and not
rushed.
Be flexible.
Use bracketing to keep the discussion focused.
• Aim for win-win conflict.
• Honor yourself, your partner and the
relationship.
• Show grace when appropriate.

Grant forgiveness or put aside our own needs when
there is no standard that says we should.
The
Relationship
You
The Other
Person
Honor yourself, the other, the relationship!