Transcript Sp. 121 Ch. 12 Interpersonal Contexts

Sp. 121 Ch. 12
Interpersonal Contexts
Communication in Friendships
Communication in the Family
Communication in Intimate Relationships
Types of Communication In Friendships
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Short vs. Long term
Task vs. Maintenance Oriented
Low vs. High Disclosure
Low vs. High Obligation
Infrequent vs. Frequent Contact
Friendships, Gender and
Communication
• Same-Sex: differs for men & women (activities for
and with you vs. talking about personal matters)
• Opposite-Sex: Mutual Romance
Strictly Platonic
1 Desires Romance, fears other doesn’t
1 Rejects Romance, fears other doesn’t
• Gender Considerations: sex role- either can be masculine
or feminine
sexual orientation- can value shared interests
and/or lack of romantic complications
Communication in Successful Friendships
• Friendships come with expectations, & when not met, we
consider them violations.
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Share joys and sorrows
Listen-even when not very interested (Ch. 7 & 10)
Maintain Confidences-discretion is expected
Help
Stand up for each other-defends rights, honor, & reputation
Honor Pledges/Commitments-vital even if small things
Treat with Respect-act to affirm each person’s dignity
Have Balanced Exchanges- Social Exchange Theory (cost/reward)
p.284
– Have Connection & Autonomy-time with & without them, &
Freedom for own, different choices (Ch. 9)
– Apologize and Forgive- good apology & true forgiveness = repair for
relationship (Ch. 9)
Contemporary Families
• Today families have many arrangements.
– Traditional: Nuclear family-Mother, father,
child(ren)
• May or may not live with extended family
– Nontraditional: Adoption by one parent, adoption
by same-sex couple, use of surrogate mother, us
of sperm donor, blended families (one or both
previously married w/ child(ren), GLBT within
family, etc.
Family Communication
• Families are based on, formed and maintained with
communication.
Shared Narratives- reinforce shared goals, teach values, &
stress concerns. (Stressing positive storytelling & using “we”
language helps function & satisfaction.)
Rituals- Expected, repeated behaviors (for celebrations or
everyday life)
Rules- each family creates; can be explicit (clearly spoken) or
may need to be hinted.
Stepfamilies- unique rules-what to avoid or not; stepchildrenavoid talking more with stepparents & amount of sharing
affected by highly authoritarian or highly permissive parents.
Rules govern talking w/people outside family (strangers and/or
use of Internet)
Family Communication Patterns-as Systems
• All families are systems with members interacting to
form a whole.
• System characteristics shaping how members
communicate:
– Interdependence: each event shapes future
interaction
– More than the sum of its parts: members interact
differently alone than with family
– Systems within the larger system: combinations
for each set of interacting members; more
members=more combinations
Family Patterns: Family Openness and
Conformity
• Conversational orientation: degree family favors
open climate & discusses wide variety of topics
– High conversational orientation=communicate
often w/few limits on topics; talk w/children for
relational reasons. Conflict may be integrating &
compromising. Conversation is rewarding; kids
have more interpersonal skills for later
relationships. (Koesten, 2004)
– Low conversational orientation=interact less
w/fewer private thoughts exchanged
Family Patterns: Conformity
• Conformity orientation: degree of stressing uniform
attitudes, values, and beliefs
– Commun. w/children for control & escape motives as well
as affection.
– High conformity = Hierarchical; often some have more
authority than others.
– Low conformity = family interests subordinated to
individual interests
Examining Conversation & Conformity Orientations
= 4 Family Types
• Consensual = high in both conversation openness & conformity
(pressure to agree <hierarchy> but interest in being open, too
• Pluralistic = high in openness & low in conformity (unrestrained &
each person evaluated on own merits)
• Protective = low openness & high conformity (obey authority &
reluctant to share thoughts/feelings)
• Laissez-faire = lack of involvement w/each other; decisions are
individual
Relationships within Families
• Spouses/Partners: (Looking at Gender-related
communication = 4 categories)
• Masculine comm.= highly instrumental, task-related
topics, low in expressive (emotional) content
• Feminine comm.= high in expressiveness, low in
instrumentality
• Androgynous comm.= both emotional & instrumental
messages
• Undifferentiated comm.= low in both instrumentality
and expressiveness
Gender type & Couple Satisfaction
• Gender-typed pairs (same types)=lower satisfaction
than
– Androgynous pairs
– Stereotyped feminine wives w/extremely masculine
husbands = lowest satisfaction & love (Helms, et al
2006)
• Similarity also important. Similar instrumental &
expressive scores (undifferentiated couples) were about
as satisfied as Androgynous ones.
• Different expressive scores in gender typed couple =
lower marital quality
• Conflict w/Spouses/Partners =can be aggressive or can
ignore conflict (withdraw). Both are harmful
Parent-Child Communication Dimensions
• Interaction Patterns: More persons=more dyads
– Enriching but complicated
– Blended families: children from prior marriage
• How do siblings interact w/ blood vs. step siblings?
• How do parents interact with all?
• What happens when new child related to all arrives?
• Managing Connection-Autonomy Dialectic:
2 incompatible forces exist at same time (Ch. 9)
– Adolescents
• Often challenge rules/beliefs = discipline, family roles (tasks),
topics allowed
• Establish nonfamily relationships
• Weaken family bonds
• Healthy boundaries (privacy & freedom) & flexibility both needed
to negotiate new balance of openness/closedness=parents &
children (how often to communicate, etc.)
Siblings
• Siblings have strategies for maintaining relationships.
Confirmation, humor, social support, escape
• 3 dimensions of interaction:
- Affection, hostility and rivalry (Myers & Bryant, 2008)
- Affection usually reciprocated, but hostility & rivalry may not be.
- After separation & divorce, single-parent family siblings= higher in
affection & hostility than siblings in two-parent families. (Noller, 2005)
• Important for older siblings to maintain relationships through
behaviors:
o Sharing tasks, expressing positivity, and offering assurances
(Myers, 2003)
o Sharing family stories w/ siblings validates feelings/life choices.
(McGoldrick, 1999)
Effective Family Communication
• Strive for balance but respect boundaries.
– Enmeshed family= one w/ too much cohesion
– Disengaged family= too little cohesion, limited attachment
or commitment to each other (Olson, 2000)
• Families solve by creating boundaries, limits on
members’ actions.
– Physical (“stay out”) & Conversational boundaries – can be
how topic is handled.
– Newcomers=learn a family’s boundaries
• Healthy boundaries balance openness & closedness.
– Relational communication allows privacy and freedom
Strive for Moderate Adaptability Level
• Adapt how family functions & how members deal with
each other
– Negotiate & begin to share control w/teens
– High adaptability- more contact with GLBT children
than families with low adaptability
• Chaotic Family: Too much adaptability=erratic or no
leadership; unclear, shifting roles, & impulsive decisions
• Rigid Family: Too little adaptability= authoritarian
leadership; strict discipline; inflexible roles; &
unchanging rules
• Families function better when cohesion, conformity, &
adaptability levels are moderate. (Schrodt, 2005)
Encourage Confirming Messages
• These messages show we value the other person.
• 2 highly confirming ones for children
(Ellis. 2002)
– telling children they’re unique & valuable
– genuinely listening to what kids say is important
– More confirmation w/adolescents= more openness w/ parents
(Dailey, 2006)
• Disconfirming messages
– belittling children
– communicating their ideas don’t count
• Successful Marriages use confirming messages when
realistic. Satisfied couples use ratio of 5:1 (positiveto-negative) (Gottman, 2003)
Deal Constructively w/Conflict
• Conflict is natural & inevitable.
• Challenge is resolving effectively so
relationship is stronger, NOT avoiding it
– Physical and/or verbal aggression is not the way to
handle it.
– Couples ignoring (withdrawing)=less satisfaction.
• Family conflict management:
– Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
– Focus on Manageable Issues-break into parts
– Share appreciation as Well as Gripes
– Seek Win-Win Solutions
Family Conflicts
• Not all conflicts are resolvable.
• As long as confirming communication is used,
family commitment and satisfaction doesn’t
have to be reduced. Fight fairly.
Communication in Intimate Relationships
• Dimensions of Intimacy:
– Emotional (can be about finances)
– Physical
– Intellectual
– Shared Activities
• Can have one or even all four qualities
• Living w/o any intimacy is unhealthy.
• Fear of intimacy can cause major problems
creating/maintaining relationships.
Gender and Intimacy
• Studies saying women are more concerned with and better at
developing/maintaining intimate relationships used to be
true, but the differences are aren’t as dramatic as they used
to be. (Dindia, 2002)
• Emotional expression isn’t the only way to develop close
relationships. Today, the meaning of intimacy is more similar
than different for men and women. (Radmacher…,2006)
• No generalization applies to every person.
• Cultural shift in U.S. = fathers becoming more affectionate
with sons than previously-even if some expressed in shared
activities.
• Remember: men and women still differ in how to express it.
Culture and Intimacy
• Intimacy varies from one culture to
another.(Marshall, 2010)
• Cultural differences in intimacy are less
prominent as the world is connected by
media, travel, and technology.
• Large differences between Eastern and
Western cultured may be disappearing. (Hatfield
& Rapson, 2006)
Social Media & Intimacy
• Communication through social media=important to
create & maintain social relationships, and can be
just as personal as face-to-face. (Hans et al, 2004)
– It may develop more quickly through mediated
channels.
• Anonymity allows a freedom of expression not
necessarily in FtF meetings. (Ben-Ze’ev, 2003)
• Emailing and messaging allow more constant contact
with loved ones. (Boase, er al, 2006)
• Self-disclosure level determines intimacy level
as impersonal or interpersonal
Commitment in Intimate Relationships
• Relational commitment involves a promise
(implied or explicit) to stay in the relationship and
make it successful.
• Both language and actions measure commitment.
– Language clarifies (but has to match actions)
– Ceremonies can recognize & cement commitment.
• If looking for commitment, regular maintenance
is required.
Maintaining Intimacy
• Maintenance-related communication aims to sustain
features making relationship successful and
satisfying. (Sahlstein, 2004)
• Even long-distance relationships can maintain
intimacy via mediated channels. Tong…, 2011a)
– Social media may be more effective than FtF to improve
the quality of a relationship. (Walther…, 2010)
• Can keep working on it, presenting the an idealized
version of yourself (Rabby…, 2003)
• Partners negotiate “acceptable” online behavior for
maintaining intimacy or “netiquette”. (Helsper…, 2010)
5 Strategies for Maintaining Romantic
Relationships
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Positivity
Openness
Assurances
Sharing tasks
Social networks
– The perception of both partners working equally
hard to maintain the relationship may be more
important than the reality.