Transcript Metropolis: Buildings and Applications

The Industry Is Stuck Until
All Us Old-Farts Retire…
Pat Helland
Junior Old-Fart
Microsoft Corporation
Aging and Death Is Good for Society
My Great-Grandmother Had
a 5-Star (2 Shitter) Outhouse
My 15 Year Old Grandson Lives for
IM, VOIP, and Shoot-Em-Up Games
Today’s Students Are Trying
to Understand SQL By Mapping It to XML
When They Give a Crap About SQL at All…
Studies of SQL Gradually Moving to History Department
Slide 2
Confessions of an OLTP-Guy
I Worshipped Serializability
What’s with This Degree-2 Consistency Crap?
I Worshipped High-Concurrency
Natural Selection Would Take Care
of Believers in Optimistic Concurrency Control
I Believed This Long-Running Crap Is
an Application Problem
Didn’t Those App Developers Understand
the Truth and Wisdom of ACID Transactions?
Slide 3
Observations About My DB Friends
God Gave Us DDL
The Advantages of Tightly Defined Schema
Are Obvious to All Sentient Beings…
There’s Normalization and There’s EVIL
Anything in the Database Can Be Changed
at Any Time for Any Reason
God Gave Us UPDATE WHERE…
What’s That Funny Encapsulation Crap the
Object Weenies Keep Talking About???
Anything in the Database Can Be Changed
at Any Time for Any Reason
Slide 4
XML == The Web == Life
Documents Accrete
Day by Day, Year by Year, New Documents
Are Appended to the Web
People Are Learning to Leave Old Documents
Intact and Add New Versions…
Schema? We Don’t Need No Stinking Schema!
Documents May or May Not Have Meaningful Schema
Even If We Had One, We’d Use Extensions…
The Kids Live and Breathe XML
It Is Cool, It Is Happening, It IS the Web
We Are Going the Way of Ozzie and Harriet…
Slide 5
Entrenched Liberalism
The Liberals Conquered During the 1960s
During the 1970s,
Tolerance and Acceptance Became Mainstream
Yuppies Conquered During the 1980s
To Heck with Tolerance and Acceptance, How Do I Get My BMW?
The Parents of the Yuppies Were Intolerant of Their Intolerance
The Relational Folks Conquered During the 1980s
Tight Schema, Value-Based, Goodness, Light, and Happiness
Our Children Are Just Using the Web…
They Are Ignoring Our Brilliance…
They Don’t Understand That God Is on OUR SIDE!
We MUST Fight Them!
Slide 6
Old Farts of the
World Unite!
We Can and
Must Stop This!
Slide 7