Transcript Separation-Individuation: Psychological Understanding of

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www.ExodusInternational.org
Separation-Individuation
Psychological Understanding of Sexuality
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. April 2000
Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
[email protected]
220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, S.F., CA 94104
Tel (510) 794-8898
Fax (510) 475-1473
Reference One
Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic
Elizabeth R. Moberly, (1983 56 pages)
Published by
James Clarke & Co, Cambridge England
British Pound 2.95 (USD $ 9.00)
Homosexuality:
A New Christian Ethic
Shifts focus of debate from symptoms to
root causes
Psychoanalytic Interpretation
“the homosexual condition involves
legitimate developmental needs, the
fulfillment of which has been blocked
by an underlying ambivalence to
members of the same sex.”
Homosexuality:
A New Christian Ethic
She sets the separation between
“homosexual-orientation” from
“homosexual-activities”
She coined the term
“Defensive Detachment”
“Defensive Detachment”
“Same-Sex Ambivalence”
“An Approach Avoidance Conflict”
For Males and Females
Male and Female Homosexuality
“Defensive Detachment”
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Why Defensive Detachment?
From “Attachment” theory of John Bowby
With Attachment, there is Detachment
How a child-toddler learns autonomy
– Identity Formation and Development
– A Dynamic process of Attaching-Detaching
• The “Psychological-Birth” of an infant
Family Tree Diagram
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son separates from mom
for psychological
individuation successfully
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son attaches with dad
for Gender-Identity
formation sucessfully
Son-1
Son-2
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son separates from mom
for psychological
individuation successfully
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son attempts to attach
to father for GenderIdentity formation
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son’s attempts to attach
to father was rebuffed
and he experiences
rejection and hurt
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Detachment Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son’s attempts to defend
against more pain from
rejection by defensively
detaching from father’s
relationship emotionally
Son-1
Son-2
Reference Two
Reparative Therapy
of Male Homosexuality
A New Clinical Approach
Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D. (1991, 355 pages)
Published by
Jason Aronson Inc. New Jersey, London
$32.00
Reparative Therapy
of Male Homosexuality
“Reparative”
Homosexuality as a “Reparative Drive”
“Defensive Detachment”
Failure of the Father-Son Bond
Failure of the Father-Son Relationship
Reference Three
The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant
Symbiosis and Individuation
Margaret S. Mahler,
Fred Pine & Anni Bergman
(1975 308 pages)
Published by
Basic Books, Inc. Publishers, New York
(Hardcover USD $45 Paperback $22)
The Psychological Birth of the
Human Infant Symbiosis and Individuation
• Beginning of Gender Identity is 21 months
– Boys turn to fathers to gender identify (p. 106)
– Boys struggles with castration anxiety
• Task of becoming a separate individual for
little girls are more difficult than boys
– Girls turn to mother upon discovery of sexual
difference
– Girls blame, demand, ambivalent toward mom
Gender Identity Disorder: Age of Onset
• “Onset of Cross-Gender Interests and activities is
usually between ages 2 and 4 years” (DSM IV)
• Average age for a clinical referral is 3.5 yrs(Rekers, G.)
• Only a very small number of children with Gender
Identity Disorder will continue to have symptoms
that meet criteria for Gender Identity Disorder in
later adolescence or adulthood.
• Most children with GID display less overt crossgender behaviors with time, parental intervention,
or response from peers.
Gender Identity Disorder: Age of Onset
• “By late adolescence or adulthood, about threequarters of boys who had a childhood history of
Gender Identity Disorder report a homosexual or
bisexual orientation, but without concurrent
Gender Identity Disorder.” (DSM IV)
• Most of the remainder reports a heterosexual
orientation, also without concurrent Gender
Identity Disorder.
• The corresponding percentages for sexual
orientation in girls are not known.
Gender-Identity Development
Separation-Individuation
• Successful Gender-Identity develops after
an early dynamic relationship (SeparationIndividuation) of child with Mother & Father
• Both Mother and Father are important for
healthy gender development of their kids
• Dynamic psychological relationship begins when
child walks & talks (Separation-Individuation)
– Where Gender-Identity Imprinting begins
Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999
Object-Relations
Separation-Individuation
theory suggests there is a critical phase
when a child will have to separate from
mother to attain gender individuation
For gender identity to be formed, child
must successfully attach to the same-sex
parent emotionally
Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999
• Defensive Detachment theory
– Dr. Elizabeth Moberly
• Defensive Attachment theory
– Dr. Melvin Wong, Licensed Psychologist (Calif)
• Father-Son Separation: Emotional Detachment
• Mother-Son Enmeshment: Close emotional
attachment, results in imprinting of
mother’s gender-personality characteristics
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son separates from mom
for psychological
individuation successfully
Healthy Relationship
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son attempts to attach
to father for GenderIdentity formation
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son’s attempts to attach
to father was rebuffed
and he experiences
rejection and hurt
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Detachment Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son’s attempts to
defend against more
pain from rejection by
defensively detaching
from father’s
relationship
Son-1
Son-2
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Begins
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son has no choice but
to re-attach with mom
for emotional security
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Continues
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son has no choice but
to re-attach with mom
for emotional security
Forming Defensive
Attachment
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Intensifies
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-1
Son-2
Son generalizes
defensive detachment
to defensively attach to
girls and women: Nonaggressive & softer
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Intensifies
Father
Mother
Daughter
Girl 1
Girl 2
Son-1
Son-2
Generalization
intensifies. Father
becomes a stanger
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Intensifies
Father
Mother
Daughter
Girl 1
Girl 2
Son-1
Son-2
Generalization
intensifies. Men are
unfamiliar
Girlfriend
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Solidifies
Grandma
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-2
Son-1
Men are objectifiedcurious-sexualized
Girl 1
Girl 2
Girlfriend
Unhealthy Relationship
Defensive Attachment Solidifies
Aunt 1
Grandma
Father
Mother
Daughter
Son-2
Son-1
Men are objectifiedcurious-sexualized
Girl 1
Girl 2
Girlfriend
Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999
• Mother-Daughter Separation: Individuation
• Father-Daughter Attachment: Gender-Identity
“Confirmation” process
– “I am not mother, but I am myself as a wanted girl”
• Father-Daughter Detachment: Confusion
• Mother-Daughter Attachment-Enmeshment
– Defensive Attachment: “I am wanted as a girl”
– “I am not mother, so I must not be like her”
• Rejects Gender-Identity with mom for Individuation
Gender-Identity-Imprinting Stage
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D.1999
• Imprinting: An Opportune-Window of time
for Gender Identity to take place
– Successful attainment: Secure Gender Identity
– Attainment failure: Incomplete Gender Identity
• When Imprinting period is passed, child
becomes more vulnerable in Gender Identity
• Non-Gender-Imprinted child: Seeks attainment
indiscriminately due to desperation: Mother
Fathers’ Characteristics
• Inexperience-Distracted: “Teenage Dads”
– Dads’ orphaned, fostered, disconnected
– Dad’s role was insignificant: “ego-centric”
• Having children “Out-of Wedlock”
• Physically abusive
– Fear-Shame-Blame based “Parenting”
– Sexual-Genital based teasing: “Put-Downs”
• Survival: Dads’ Identity at expense of son
Mother’s Characteristics
• Inexperience: “Teenage Moms” Immature
– Husband unable to meet her Emotional Needs
– Her role is not involved enough: “Grandma”
• Having children “Out-of Wedlock”
• Emotional Enmeshment: “Favorite Child”
– Unable to help sons-daughters detach from her
– Sexual-Boundary Exposure: Intended or not
• Survival: Mom’s identity at expense of kids
Conclusions
• Homosexual orientation is a complex
Psychological-Emotional issue
• Understanding Root causes is more
important than just symptoms removal
– Psychoanalytic-Psychodynamic Therapy: “In”
– Behavioral Modification: “Out”
• There is a strong theoretical base for therapy
• Psychotherapy can assist in recovery (not to
minimize God’s ability in making changes)
Separation-Individuation
Psychological Understanding of Sexuality
Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. April 2000
Melvin W.Wong, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
[email protected]
220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, S.F., CA 94104
Tel (510) 794-8898
Fax (510) 475-1473
Until the whole world Knows
www.ExodusInternational.org