Transcript Shepherding Children Class #2

Shepherding Children – Review of the Goal of Shepherding
In our first lesson, we looked at four
foundations for shepherding children:
Your/the Parents’ Relationship with God
The Source of Truth
A Child’s Nature
A Shepherd’s Goal
Shepherding Children – The Heart of a Child
Last lesson: The Goal of Shepherding.
This lesson: The Heart of a Child—where we
start talking about specific steps and
understanding how to reach the goal of
parenting.
Let’s start with an unruly child. This is Samuel. Samuel does
not want to go into his Sunday School class. He refuses to
listen to his mom and pulls away when she takes his arm. “No,
don’t touch me!” he yells. He dodges his mom when she
reaches for him again.
As bad as this is, mere compliance is not the goal. The goal is
to reach Samuel’s heart and to start helping him to see why he
does what he does and why he wants what he wants. We do
this so that Samuel can start recognizing his need for a Savior.
Only then can we start affecting real meaningful change in
Samuel’s life.
So how do we do this?
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
What should the parent or teacher do?
-sit the child down and lecture the
child?
-brush it off as “just a passing stage”?
-work backwards from behavior and try
to understand what is going on inside a
child’s heart?
There are questions that need to be asked.
What was going on?
What were you thinking and feeling?
What did you do in response?
Why did you do it and what were you seeking?
What was the result?
Our Creator, Who understands shepherding and
understands children better than anyone, says that
actions come from the heart.
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
A. The need to get to the heart.
What are you trying to achieve as you shepherd?
1 Samuel 16:7
7 But the LORD said to
Samuel, “Do not look
on his appearance or
on the height of his
stature, because I
have rejected him. For
the LORD sees not as
man sees: man looks
on the outward
appearance, but the
LORD looks on the
heart.”
Friends
Obedience
Experiences
Grades / Test Scores
Unique Talents
Beauty
Athletics
Clothes
Music
Physical Strength
Manners / Social Skills
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
A. The need to get to the heart
Mark 7:21-22
21 For from within, out of the heart of
man, come evil thoughts, sexual
immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22
coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality,
envy, slander, pride, foolishness. 23 All
these evil things come from within, and
they defile a person.”
thoughts, attitudes,
emotions,
motivations, will,
conscience, mind
evil
thoughts
Wickedness
sexual
immorality
deceit
sensuality
theft
murder
envy
adultery
slander
pride
coveting
Foolishness.
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
A. The need to get to the heart
1 Corinthians 4:5
5 Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time,
before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things
now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of
the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation
from God.
Determining the underlying desires will help to know the
appropriate teaching for the situation. Learning to deal
with “heart issues” and behavior has a more long-term
effect on the child. Simply dealing with the behavior alone
is a temporary solution.
Much of counseling for children involves addressing
behavior only.
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
B. Our Lord’s attitude about the heart
Matthew 15:7-8
You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he
said: “‘This people honors me with their lips, but their
heart is far from me;
Matthew 23:27
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are
like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear
beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all
uncleanness.
“Superficial parenting that never addresses the heart
biblically produces superficial children who do not
understand what makes them tick. They must be
taught how to understand their behavior in terms of
heart motivation.” Ted Tripp
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
B. Our Lord’s attitude about the heart
Mark 7:21-22
21 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil
thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22
coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander,
pride, foolishness.
23 All these evil things come from within, and they defile a
person.
Heart Questions by Paul Tripp (This takes time!)
1. What was going on?
2. What were you thinking and feeling while it was
happening?
3. What did you do in response?
4. Why did you do it? What were you seeking? (the goal)
5. What was the result? Did you get what you wanted?
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
B. Our Lord’s attitude about the heart
All of a child’s responses can either be toward God or
away from God.
Every act is a form of worship. Either we are worshipping
ourselves (or an idol of our choosing), or God.
God’s Word along with the Holy Spirit expose this and
make it evident.
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
Our heart is like a throne. We are going to let something rule our hearts.
It will either be our desires or it will be God. We will either please God or
we will please our self. God does not tempt us, but rather we are lured by
what we chose to rule our hearts. We do what we do, because we want
what we want. James 1:13-15; 4:1-10
GOD
Pleasing God
My
Desire
Pleasing Self
How does a child respond when he/she doesn’t get it (i.e. the desire)?
Is the child willing to sin in order to get it (i.e. the desire)?
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
Example : Johnny has been told that he is to always
make his bed before breakfast. Today, Mom discovers
that Johnny’s bed has not been made.
Mom thinks, “Is it laziness? Is it rebellion? Is it due to
distraction by some desired pleasure? Do I have all the
facts?”
One act of disobedience can be the result of varying
different heart issues.
It is critical to determine the heart issue and not just
focus on getting the task done.
I. Getting to the Heart of a Child
How would the idol be different in the following
scenarios?
“It’s too hard to get the wrinkles out.”
“I’m sick of cleaning my room. Jenny doesn’t have to
make her bed.”
“Dad asked me to help him in the basement with the
leaking pipes, right away.”
“I’ll get to it--can I just finish this level on my game?”
Discipline would be appropriate but how we counsel him
will vary depending on the heart issue.
We need to help him see how his desires lead him to do
wrong and expose the idol of his heart/what he is
worshiping.
II. A Home that Helps to Shape the Heart
A. Loving God first
Matthew 22:37-38
37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your
heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the
great and first commandment.
Matthew 6:33
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all
these things will be added to you.
GOD
Pleasing God
“God Centered”
My
Children
Pleasing My Children
“Child Centered”
II. A Home that Helps to Shape the Heart
B. Following God’s plan for the family
Genesis 2:24
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his
mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall
become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were
both naked and were not ashamed.
The marriage is permanent--the parenting is
temporary
God was the head of the family, Adam was the head of
Eve, and they two would have authority over their
children. As a child grows up and gets married, he
or she establishes a new and separate and
permanent relationship with that spouse
A Home that Helps to Shape the Heart
Child-Centered Home
Where children learn to:
*Interrupt adults talking
*Use manipulation and rebellion to get their way
*Dictate the family schedule
*Take precedence over spouse’s needs
*Have equal or overriding vote
*Demand excessive time or attention
*Escape the consequences of sinful and irresponsible
behavior
*Speak to a parent as though peers
*Be the dominant influence in the home
*Be entertained or coddled out of a bad mood
*The child perceives that the entire family exists to
please him and make him happy.
God-Centered Home
Where children learn to:
*Know the joy of serving others
*Cheerfully obey the first time
*Not interrupt parents or adults
*Not manipulate others
*Know that they will not always get their way
*Work their schedule around the parent schedule
*Have input into decisions but not an equal vote
*Understand a parent has other God-given
responsibilities
*Suffer natural consequences for sinful and
irresponsible behavior
*Honor the parent as the authority
*Esteem others more important than selves
*Fulfill household duties (chores)
*Protect themselves from bad influences
*Not argue on disciplinary issues
*The child perceives that the husband is the head of the
family and the wife is submissive to her husband.
Theirs is the primary relationship.
Lou Priolo
III. Applications
Grandparents may joke about “spoiling” the grandchildren. In what ways might
a grandparent be training a child to be self-centered, in a sense “sabotaging” the
parents?
In homes where there has been a divorce, and custody issues exist, consistent
discipline between the two homes is desperately needed. Look over the
characteristics of a child centered-home and decide which of those problems are
likely to show up in this situation.
What characteristics of the child centered home do you notice in your family?
What changes do you need to make in your home to become more God centered?
As a parent finds areas that need improvement and implements changes in the
home, it would be wise to explain to the children that he/she (the parent) was
previously wrong to allow these behaviors and habits to develop. This can be true
of a children’s ministry leader, too.
A parent will also need to communicate to the children that it is his/her (the
parents) desire to please God by making these changes in the home. A parent
would then need to ask forgiveness and model to the children his/her submission
as a parent to God’s Word. Again, this can also be true of a children’s ministry
leader, too.
Christ-like Qualities
Quality
Opposite
Definition
Attentiveness
Unconcern
Showing respect for a person by giving undivided attention to what he is saying
Obedience
Willfulness
Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority
Contentment
Covetousness
Realizing God has provided everything I need
Orderliness
Disorganization
Preparing myself and my surroundings so that I will achieve the greatest
efficiency
Reverence
Disrespect
Awareness of how God is working through the people and events in my life to
produce the character of Christ in me
Forgiveness
Rejection
Giving up my right to remember, or get revenge for, a hurt done to me
Gratefulness
Unthankful
Making known to God and to others in what ways they have benefited my life
Faith
Presumption
Using God’s Word to understand how He wants me to respond to a given
situation and acting in harmony with it
Truthfulness
Deception
Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts
Security
Anxiety
Structuring my life around what is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away
Meekness
Anger
Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God
Cautiousness
Rashness
Knowing how important biblical thinking and planning is in accomplishing right
actions
Patience
Restlessness
Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to
remove it
Dependability Inconsistency
Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice
Determination Faintheartedness
Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s timing regardless of opposition
Punctuality
Tardiness
Showing a high esteem for other people and their time
Discernment
Judgment
Knowing the difference between good and evil
Quality
Attentiveness
Obedience
Contentment
Orderliness
Opposite
Unconcern
Willfulness
Covetousness
Disorganization
Definition
Showing respect for a person by giving undivided attention to what he is saying.
Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority
Realizing God has provided everything I need for my present happiness
Preparing myself and my surroundings so that I will achieve the greatest efficiency
Reverence
Disrespect
Awareness of how God is working through the people and events in my life to produce the character of Christ in me
Forgiveness
Gratefulness
Faith
Rejection
Unthankful
Presumption
Giving up my right to remember, or get revenge for, a hurt done to me.
Making known to God and to others in what ways they have benefited my life
Using God’s Word to understand how He wants me to respond to a given situation and acting in harmony with it
Truthfulness
Security
Deception
Anxiety
Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts
Structuring my life around what is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away
Meekness
Cautiousness
Anger
Rashness
Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God
Knowing how important biblical thinking and planning is in accomplishing right actions
Patience
Restlessness
Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it.
Dependability
Determination
Punctuality
Discernment
Loyalty
Inconsistency
Faintheartedness
Tardiness
Judgment
Unfaithfulness
Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice
Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s timing regardless of opposition
Showing a high esteem for other people and their time
Knowing the difference between good and evil
Using adversity to confirm my commitment to those whom God has called me to serve
Compassion
Indifference
Concern for others demonstrated by actions that help them grow and glorify God
Alertness
Thriftiness
Responsibility
Unawareness
Extravagance
Unreliability
Ability to anticipate right responses to that which is taking place around me
Not letting myself or others spend that which violates biblical guidelines
Knowing and carrying out the biblical expectations of God and those in authority
Virtue
Impurity
The purity of thought and actions that are produced in my life from obedience to God’s Word
Fairness
Partiality
Making a decision after carefully and biblically evaluating the viewpoint of each person involved
Tolerance
Prejudice
Viewing others as unique expressions of specific character qualities in varying degrees of maturity
Joyfulness
Self-pity
The satisfaction that results from genuine harmony with God and biblical relationships with others
Wisdom
Humility
Natural inclinations
Pride
Seeing and responding to life situations from God’s frame of reference
Thinking and acting in ways to show how God and others are actually responsible for the achievements in my life.
Love
Initiative
Discretion
Selfishness
Unresponsiveness
Simple-mindedness
Giving to others without having as my motive personal reward
Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it
Learning to identify and avoid words, actions and attitudes which are not honoring to God
Diligence
Slothfulness
Recognizing every responsibility is a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it
Decisiveness
Creativity
Double-mindedness
Under-achievement
The habit of making difficult decisions and basing them on biblical principles
Approaching a need, a task, an idea from a new perspective that is guided by biblical principles
Endurance
Giving up
Using God’s grace to continue pleasing Him in both routine and difficult circumstances
Sincerity
Enthusiasm
Hypocrisy
Apathy
Eagerness to do what is right with transparent and pure motives
Expressing with my words, actions and attitudes the joy and excitement of serving the Lord
Self-control
Generosity
Deference
Self indulgence
Stinginess
Rudeness
Bringing desires under the control of biblical principles
Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes
Limiting my freedom in order not to offend those God has given me the opportunity to serve
Sensitivity
Callousness
Being observant of the condition of others in order to help them please God
Idol -James 4:1
Purpose -2 Cor 5:9
Discipline -Heb 12:6
Forgiveness -Rom