Transcript Tools for Writing Informative sentences

Tools for Writing
Informative Sentences
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Topics of Discussion

Use strong, active verbs
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Use active instead of passive voice
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Avoid verbs disguised as nouns
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Use dependent clauses
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Avoid prepositional phrases
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Active Verbs
At the core of every good sentence is a
strong, precise verb.
At the core of most confusing,
awkward, or wordy sentences lies a
weak verb.
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Active vs Passive Voice
Frisky ate my homework.
Frisky = Doer / subject of sentence
ate = Active Verb
homework = Object of action
My homework was eaten by Frisky.
homework = Object as subject
was eaten = passive verb
by Frisky = Doer object of preposition
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Active or Passive Voice?
The metropolis has been scorched by the
dragon’s fiery breath.
The technicians demanded longer coffee
breaks.
The explosion was caused by a kerosene
lamp.
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When Passive Works …
Use active voice unless you have a good
reason for choosing passive
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Emphasize the receiver of the action
The solution was heated to the boiling point
and then reduced in volume by 50 percent.
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When Passive Works …
Use active voice unless you have a good
reason for choosing passive
Passive Voice: A number of problems are indicated by
these results.
Active Voice: These results indicate a number of
problems.
Further analysis showed / suggested /
yielded ….
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Avoid Weak Verbs

Convey practically no sense of action
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do, make, perform, have
forms of the verb to be

Reduce the verbs function as the power source

Avoid nouns that are really verbs in disguise

Substitute verbs that create a clear sense of action
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Verbs Disguised as Nouns
Make a recommendation
Recommend
Formulate an argument
Argue
Arrive at a conclusion
Conclude
Perform an analysis
Analyze
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The Dependent Clause

Amplifies or qualifies the statement in the
main part of the sentence
 Highlights
the importance
 Suppresses the incidental
 Links ideas together


Shows how ideas are related
Start with a subordinating conjunction or
relative pronoun
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The Dependent Clause
Subordinating
conjunctions
So
Where
Before
Although
Than
Though
After
Since
When
Because
As
Whereas
If
Unless
until
While
Relative
Pronouns
Who
What
Which
That
Why
How (many)
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The Dependent Clause
The project was not completed on time because the
machine parts were stolen.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
A helium nucleus has two protons whereas hydrogen has
only one.
Energy supplies will dwindle unless we conserve.
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The Dependent Clause
Where are the parts that I ordered?
The uranium nucleus, which contains 92 protons, is
unstable.
Most people don't know who their senators are.
What the aerospace industry needs now is more
friends in Congress.
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Avoid Prepositional Phrases
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Less informative alternative to dependent clause
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Treat all ideas as grammatically equal
No discrimination
 No emphasis among qualifying details


Reader left to interpret what you are trying to say
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Avoid Prepositional Phrases
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in progress
on the floor
beside the garage
between the cities
of data-processing equipment
to a Martian
by walking on hot coals
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Avoid Prepositional Phrases
In their specifications for engine parts,
titanium is often requested by engineers
because of its resistance to the effects of
high temperatures. (6)
Because titanium resists high temperatures,
engineers often request it in their engine
part specifications.
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Editing Approach
What to look for…..
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Circle the prepositions
Determine the doer
Determine the action
What to do …..
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Use dependent clauses instead of
prepositional phrases
Use active voice instead of passive
Use strong verbs
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Rewrite avoiding prepositional phrases
Uncertainties in the market for American cars is of concern to
leaders of the industry, due to the increases in the costs of
labor and raw materials. (8)
In the design of components for warp drives for starships,
increasing attention is being given to the employment of
dilithium crystals because of their high power output in
relation to their weight. (9)
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