Transcript bYTEBoss vivid verbs

Spice up your Writing
Using Action Verbs
Adapted from:Strausser, Jeffrey. Painless Writing. Hauppauge, NY: Barron's Educational
Series, 2009. Print.
Dull Words Mean Dull Writing
Connect readers to your writing by using
ACTION VERBS.
The boys raced home.
The boys strolled home.
John glanced at Mary.
John stared at Mary.
Identify Hard-Working Verbs
 Action performed by subject
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The student wrote the essay.
The dog ate the homework.
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The cow jumped the moon.
 The state of the subject
 He loved his family and country.
 The teacher hoped her best student was not absent.
 The students believed they were late.
 Connect the subject to a compliment
 John is angry.
 My sister feels sad.
Read the following paragraph - Underline the verbs and identify whether they convey Claire’s physical or
mental action (state) or whether they act as connecting verbs.
Claire walked down the crowded hallway
on this first day of school. She looked quickly to
her left, and then to her right. Then, she walked
out and joined the throng of students. Was
anyone watching her? Although she wanted to
look around, she kept looking straight ahead.
However, it seemed that none of her classmates
looked at her as they walked quickly to their
classes.
Replacing Bland Verbs with Vivid Verbs
 Claire = BLAND
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We know nothing about who she is
There is no vivid mental picture
The reader is BORED and doesn’t CARE about Claire
We know she’s moving from one point to the other
We know no one is noticing her
We don’t know if this is good or bad because we CAN’T RELATE WITH HER
 Vivid Verbs
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Appeal to the reader’s sense impressions
Arouse feelings
Convey exactly what is happening
Draw the reader into the action
How to Replace Bland Verbs
Claire swaggered down the crowded hallway
on this first day of school.
More specific
Tells reader that Claire __________
What changes if we write: Claire trudged?
How to Replace Bland Verbs
She looked quickly to her left, and then to her
right.
 Quickly = writer’s attempt at spice
Is this effective?
She glanced to her left, and then to her
right.
Is a single strong verb more effective?
How to Replace Bland Verbs
 Then, she walked out and joined the throng of
students.
 Then, she rushed out and merged into the throng of
students.
 Was anyone watching her?
 You can either replace a verb with one strong verb or a
strong adverb/ verb combination: quietly admiring, silently
applauding, appreciating
How to Replace Bland Verbs
 Although she wanted to look around, she kept
looking straight ahead.
 Is it effective to use the same weak verb twice?
 Although she longed to notice their admiring glances,
she stared straight ahead.
 longed and noticed = clear picture of Claire’s thoughts
 stared - helps reader understand Claire’s situation.
How to Replace Bland Verbs
However, it seemed that none of her
classmates looked at her as they walked
quickly to their classes.
Is quickly (a weak adverb) effective?
Does this give us insight into Claire’s classmates?
However, they ignored her as they raced to their
classes.
CLAIRE - Revised
Claire swaggered down the crowded hallway on
this first day of school. She glanced to her left, and then
to her right. Then, she rushed out and merged into the
throng of students. Was anyone admiring her? Although
she longed to notice their admiring glances, she stared
straight ahead. However, they ignored her as they raced
to their classes.
What do we know about Claire?
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Walked = swaggered
Looked quickly =glanced
Walked = rushed
Joined = merged
Watching = admiring
Wanted = longed
Look = notice
Kept looking = stared
Looked = ignored
Walked quickly = raced
Joe Freeman’s Spring
Fair:
Spring had come to western
Pennsylvania unannounced. The
oaks and the maples were very
colorful and even the sedate elms
were changing the boring line of the
rundown farm houses and barns by
showing their colors. Full of the
optimism that spring brings, Joe
Freeman, jobless and broke, walked
down the streets of his hometown
smelling the scented air of the
morning. Today was a perfect day
to open the door of opportunity.
Better:
Spring had burst into
western Pennsylvania
unannounced. The oaks and
the maples were exploding
with color and even the sedate
elms were interrupting the
boring line of the rundown
farmhouses and barns by
displaying their colors. Full of
the optimism that spring brings,
Joe Freeman, jobless and broke,
strode down the streets of his
home town drinking n in the
scented air of the morning.
Today was a perfect day to kick
down the door of opportunity.
Brain Tickler: Read and identify the weak verbs then
rewrite the excerpt with these verbs
billowed, spun, trudged, raced, glared,
parched, staggered, noticed:
The sun shone brightly in the sky, its hot
summer heat made us tired and thirsty. We
continued until we came to a small country
store. We walked in and saw a huge German
Shepherd behind the counter. The dog had an
angry look in its eyes. Concerned, we turned
around and went out the door. A cloud of
dust formed behind us.
BLOG Homework:
For SUNDAY at midnight:
Re-write Claire’s paragraph again. Replace the
vague verbs with vivid ones However, this time,
write the paragraph to portray Claire as a shy
individual. Include a picture of what you think she
looks like. (Make sure it is correctly cited)