Transcript use the editing Alphabet on p. 189 of your notebook

Secret
Knowledge
Story Revision:
Day 1
Today, you will need:
1. Paper copy of your Secret Knowledge story;
2. A correcting pen or pencil – not blue or black;
3. Your “Top Secret” organizer – for your Secret
Knowledge paper;
4. Your writer’s notebook, page 189 – Editing
Alphabet.
Goals: Revising our Secret Knowledge stories.
Skill: Making decisions after reflection and review
Share something fun about this weekend.
First, you are going to read your Secret
Knowledge paper out loud to yourself.
• Do this in a very, very quiet whisper.
• Plug your ears so that you are not distracted by
other people.
When you finish, use the editing Alphabet on p.
189 of your notebook to make changes.
If you have time, read your paper out loud to
yourself a SECOND TIME.
Now, let’s take a look at the BACKSIDE of
your “Top Secret” organizer.
• You will have to have this filled out
completely.
• Pay attention to all parts of this organizer
and do not skip anything.
You will turn this in with your final draft.
REMEMBER the parent signature!
#1 WANTED!
A few brave souls to
read the following
slides dramatically …
Big bunches
of
broccoli!
Savage packs
of peas!
Vanquished
vegetables!
Attacking
without
warning!
One of these
colossal
cows!
Bomb-proof
briefcase!
Suckfaced
survivors!
Children &
chicken
parts!
Wild
mountain
mattresses!
Fingers
behaving
badly!
The
pointing
punks!
The dirty
digits!
#2 Circle the first word of every sentence.
Watch out for first words that you repeat too
often. Consider how you might change
these.
One way to change up your sentence
beginnings is to start certain sentences with
subordinating conjunctions and dependent
clauses.
We’ll come back to this on Monday.
#3 Specific Nouns
Word choice is the heart of writing; a single word can
create an image or conjure up emotions for readers.
Strong, specific nouns can do just that.
A noun is a person, place, thing, or idea, and there
are two kinds: common and proper nouns.
However, when it comes to writing, think of nouns in
three different groups :
• Ordinary common nouns
• Strong common nouns and
• Specific proper nouns.
Ordinary Common Nouns
Strong Common Nouns
Specific Proper Nouns
house
shack, mansion, hut, cabin
White House, Hogwarts
toy
board game, model plane,
dinosaur, dolls
Twister, Legos, T-Rex, Barbie
shoes
sneakers, high heels,
platforms, boots
Nikes, Keens, Uggs
vehicle
car, motorcycle, pick-up
Toyota Camry, Tesla, Honda
CRV
candy
chocolates, caramel, candy
corns, jelly beans, gum
Snickers, M & M’s, Skittles,
Bazooka Bubble Gum
#4 Vivid Verbs
Think about the common verb "walk.”
A character in a story might walk OR she or
he might
• stroll, walking in a slow, unhurried pace.
• stride, walking with long steps.
• swagger, walking with confidence and an
attitude.
Some other examples of vivid verbs:
touch = graze, bump, grab.
cry = whimper, blubber, bawl.
see = glare, gaze, glimpse.
like = adore, admire, cherish.
dislike = loathe, despise, scorn.
eat = gorge, nibble, gobble.
#5 Your friend, the semicolon
The most common way to use a
semicolon is to connect two
independent clauses. For example:
I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I
am a cereal killer.
I stepped on a Cornflake; now I am a
cereal killer.
People say nothing is impossible,
but I do nothing every day.
People say nothing is impossible; I
do nothing every day.
Don't play stupid with me because
I'm better at it.
Don't play stupid with me; I'm better
at it.
I can only please one person per day and
today isn't your day.
I can only please one person per day;
today isn't your day.
People that don't know me think I'm shy,
and people that do know me wish I were.
People that don't know me think I'm shy;
people that do know me wish I were.
#6 Your Nemesis
Final Reminder:
Don’t act like a caveman!
Secret
Knowledge
Story Revision:
Day 2
Today, you will need:
1. Paper copy of your Secret Knowledge story;
2. A correcting pen or pencil – not blue or black;
3. Your “Top Secret” organizer – for your Secret
Knowledge paper;
4. Your writer’s notebook, page 189 – Editing Alphabet.
Goals: Revising our Secret Knowledge stories.
Skill: Making decisions after reflection and review
Share something fun you did this weekend.
Take a look at the handout called “Secret Knowledge
Paper Final Checklist.”
Let’s go through this together.
Change 1.5 line spacing to 2.0 (double) line spacing.
In yellow, highlight the chunked sentences at the
bottom of the page:
She decided / not to eat her vegetables, / not to
listen to her parents.
Draw an arrow at the bottom of the page and
write “OVER.”
Your task:
1. Use your “Top Secret” organizer and finish making
changes by hand.
•
Use a correcting pencil / pen and your editing
alphabet on p. 189 of your notebook.
2.
Refer to the yellow piece of paper stapled to your
“Top Secret” organizer and rewrite one of your
sentences (or add a sentence) so that it is
chunked like one of the models.
3.
Begin one of your sentences with a subordinate
conjunction and a dependent clause. You will have
to rewrite a sentence or add a new sentence.
When you are finished all three steps, ask for a
computer.
Secret
Knowledge
Story Revision:
Day 3
PLEASE TAKE OUT:
1. Paper copy of your Secret Knowledge story;
2. A correcting pen or pencil – not blue or black;
3. Your “Top Secret” organizer – for your Secret
Knowledge paper;
4. Your writer’s notebook, page 189 – Editing
Alphabet.
Goals: Revising our Secret Knowledge stories.
Skill: Making decisions after reflection and review
You should be finished the three steps below;
if you are, ask for a computer to start word
processing your revisions.
1.
Use your “Top Secret” organizer and finish making
changes by hand.
•
Use a correcting pencil / pen and your editing
alphabet on p. 189 of your notebook.
2.
Refer to the yellow piece of paper stapled to your
“Top Secret” organizer and rewrite one of your
sentences (or add a sentence) so that it is
chunked like one of the models.
3.
Begin one of your sentences with a subordinate
conjunction and a dependent clause. You will have
to rewrite a sentence or add a new sentence.
Finished?
Proof thoroughly. Look for…
• Fragments and run-on sentences
• Overuse of “you”
• Verb tense shifts
Proof carefully.
Why? Because…
When writing, avoid “you.”
WHY: Slipping into “you” is confusing because you
are switching perspectives. Instead of just writing
about the story, you are suddenly addressing the
reader directly, and the reader is not involved in
your story.
Question: Why is “you” used in the previous paragraph?
Answer: Because I, Mr. Erwin, am addressing you, the
students, directly.
SUGGESTION: Replace “you” with “one.” Do this when
talking about people in general.
Blah: Clearly, you must not judge people before knowing
them.
BETTER: Clearly, one must not judge people before
knowing them.
Blah: Without education, you have little chance to
succeed.
BETTER: Without education, one has little chance to
succeed.
SUGGESTION: Try to cut out the “you” phrase / clause.
Blah: As you read this essay, you will see how baseball
is like fishing.
BETTER: Baseball is like fishing.
Blah: As you can see, the author uses both metaphors
and personification to express her point.
BETTER: The author uses both metaphors and
personification to express her point.
Verb tense shifts:
I climbed out of the car, walked through the door,
and prepared to meet my friend. As I entered the
house I was shocked when large, honey-colored
dog runs and knocks me over.
Correct the verb tense shift this way:
I climbed out of the car, walked through the door,
and prepared to meet my friend. As I entered the
house I was shocked when large, honey-colored
dog ran and knocked me over.
Really finished?
October Bingo Choice
Italian Menu Writing Option