Transcript LESSON 6 Parent and Surrogate Parent Authority

LESSON 6
Under Construction
PARENT AND SURROGATE
PARENT AUTHORITIES USE OF
COMMANDS
Dynamic Interaction Between Authority Figures And Youth
SEQUENTIAL STAGES IN THE SCENARIO OF:
COMMANDS-PROHIBITIONS, COMPLIANCE, PERFORMANCE, and REACTIONS
1. Commands And Prohibitions:
1. Harsh
2. Abrupt
3. Peremptory
4. Moderately Peremptory
5. Pressure
6. Mild Pressure
7. Influence
8. Strong Suggestion
9. Moderate Suggestion
10. Mile Suggestion
11. Strong Request But
Permissive
12. Moderate Request
13. Mild Request
14. Polite Request
15. Ultra Polite Request
2. Compliance- Defiance:
3. Performance:
1. Explosive Defiance
1. Far Exceeding
2. Hostile Argumentative
Expectations
3. Annoying Debate
2. Superior Work
4. Manipulative Noncompliance
3. Above Average
5. Rationalizing Non4. Exactly Meeting
compliance
Expectations
6. Protesting Unfairness
5. Average
7. Objecting Due to Distaste
6. Below Average
8. Negotiating Delay
9. Proclaiming Dependability
7. Inferior
10. Conformity
8. Neglect
11. Indicating Willingness
9. Intentional
12. Indicating Pride in
Sabotage
Compliance
13. Expressing Strong Interest 10. Violent
14. Extreme Enthusiasm
Destructive
15. Expressing Honor and
Defiance
Pleasure to Serve
4. Reactions:
1__ Approval
2__
3__
4__ Passive
Approval
5__
6__
7__ Neutral
8__
9__
10__ Passive
Disapproval
11__
12__
13__ Disapproval
14__
15__
1. A. COMMANDS
FIRM COMMANDS
1. HARSH: Main verbs are usually brief and at the beginning of the sentence, e.g. "DO, GET, GO, COME, MAKE, ETC.". This
type of command is often used with curse words, labeling the person with extremely negative attributes, and spoken in loud,
harsh voice tones, with extreme threats. Usually used with the sound of extreme urgency and implying extreme cost for
non-compliance, and implying personal involvement or extreme importance to the authority.
2. Abrupt: Brief, action, main verbs are at the beginning of the command. "Do this! Get over there now! Be here in five minutes
or else . . .! Find it right away or else you're grounded, etc.!" Usually this form includes a sense of urgency, a deadline or
time condition, and threats of severe punishment. This is usually accompanied by negative labeling and the assumption of
unwillingness to comply.
3. Peremptory: In this case the form is strongly obligatory, e.g. "You + shall or will" + an action verb, indicating there is no choice
of when, whether to or how to do what is commanded. There is a sense of urgency and a sound of impatience. Sometimes
punishment or negative consequences are specified in case of failure to respond exactly when and as commanded.
Rebuttal or discussion is precluded.
4. Moderately Peremptory: The emphasis is at this level is upon one's authority over the child. Initial phrases are such as: "You
must or will have to; It is imperative that you," followed by an action verb. There are often brief, moderate specifications for
carrying out the command, sometimes small allowances for conditions or contingencies are included. Usually, moderate
threats of punishment or negative consequences, such as, "if you don't, you will not get to , you will have to, I will make
you,. . . ." The implication is that it should be done exactly and without question simply because the person has the
authority to command it. "You'll do it because I say so, because I am your parent.
5. Pressure: The emphasis is on a sense of obligation. "You + should or ought to." "It is the right thing to do. Anyone with a
sense of responsibility should feel bound to!" The implication is that non-compliance would be an indictment of the child's
character and they should be viewed as guilty for non-compliance, should be looked down on, ostracized, seen as
unworthy, etc.
MODERATE COMMANDS
6. Mild Pressure: The emphasis is upon the authority's personal right and capacity to influence or to make a
strong recommendation. "I advise you to." or "You had better!" "I really feel that this is important
7. Influence: Emphasis upon weight of authority's personal preference, or the child's personal character or own
interests. "I want you to." "You should want to." Sometimes room is made for negotiation or compromise
based on relative interests and/or values of each.
8. Strong Suggestion: At this level the suggestion indicates an ability on the child's part, but questions the child's
willingness. Sometimes the suggestion is made politely allowing the person to make a choice, but the
implication is that non-compliance will suggest unwillingness and that that will be held against the child. "You
could; Could you" (spoken with emphasis).
9. Moderate Suggestion: This level Indicates an assumption of ability but there are no undertones of personal or
moral accountability for being unwilling to comply. It is used as a means of commanding without the sound of
authority. It is merely directing one's attention to what needs to be done or implying the authority's desire that
`the job' get done, preferably by you if you are able at this time. `You can.' `Can you?' Spoken matter-offactly with the expectation the it will be done without question but if not, there will be no consequences.
10. Mild Suggestion: This is a mild form of directing one's attention to tasks available or there to be done. `You
might' is used instead of you can; you might and you may.' People sometimes (and often with a tone of putdown or sarcasm) refer to the thing that needs to or should have been done: `This needs to be done' or `I
noticed those bags have not been moved!' The implication is that the authority hopes the child will feel
responsible or want to cooperate, and if so this would be met with recognition of the child's good will.
PERMISSIVE COMMANDS
11. Permissive but Strong Request: Permission. Used with the assumption that the person is motivated
to do the task. `You may,' Sometimes this is modified to a much more polite form with the addition
of `if you like or prefer.' This involves a positive attribution and is supposed to motivate the child to
want to be recognized in this manner.
12. Moderate Request: This request is presented as a question permitting the possibility of refusal. No
attempt is made to overcome a mild lack of motivation, thus making it possible for the subordinate to
seem to present himself as positively motivated, because there is no negative consequence, if he
chooses to comply. Stated as: "Will you take care of that? Won't you please help out here? Here is
something you could do." The option to choose not to do it or choose to do something of higher
priority to oneself is open without any negative consequence.
13. Mild Request: This request is presented with a question which is meant to imply how much the
subordinate cares for the authority. "Would you?", "Wouldn't you like to?", "Could you?", "Couldn't
you please, just for me?" Compliance, therefore, suggests solidarity with the authority rather than
obeisance, but non-compliance only suggests that the two of you are not that close or not that
synchronized in terms of personal interests or priorities.
14. Polite Request: Requests presented with an implied question of ability or freedom from other
encumbrances, really leave the widest margin for possible departure from what is requested and
therefore are most likely to reveal the child's true motivations and interests uncontaminated by
imposed agendas of the authority or parent. Spoken plaintively in contrast to 9. "Can you, if you
don't mind" or "Could you, if, when, and as you feel like it." This is sometimes stated more indirectly
and prefaced with a suggestion that the person can or has natural inclination to do something. "I
know you are good at such and such, so would you like to...?"
15. Ultra-Polite Request: Extremely mild and polite requests. This form is used at a point of maximum
uncertainty where the authority doubts the legitimacy or his right to command or even request such
an act. "You would be doing me a great favor if"; "I wonder if you would, could, or-"; "I wish you
would;" "If it would not inconvenience you or trouble you. . .". This is sometimes used as
lighthearted sarcasm toward either party as goad to compliance but without any negative
consequence.
COMMAND LANGUAGE
Below, you will find a list of commands that are ranked in levels from HARSH to
ULTRA POLITE REQUEST. Each level has illustrative examples. Your task is to
identify the types of commands you use and when you use them. After you have
viewed the list, describe, in the blanks below the commands you feel you use and
the types of situations or occasions in which that command language is used.
Describe the persons involved in these situations and describe their roles or styles
of interacting. Indicate the frequency of occurrence of each category of levels of
commands that you use. Add comments or your own version of the command that
will help clarify what is happening in this interaction.
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