Transcript Show, Don`t Tell

Show, Don't Tell
Show, Don't Tell
Means to describe something for your readers
instead of simply telling them something too
obvious.
Ex: The boy was very frightened.
There's no wondering about it. You've been told the boy
was frightened. Nothing to imagine; nothing to figure out.
Show
Notice the difference when you SHOW
reader what frightened looks like.
the
The boy screeched and threw up his hands to
protect himself. Even though his legs felt like
they had turned to jelly, he jumped to his feet
and tried to get out of the monster's reach.
You don't have to be told that he's frightened; the words
give you a picture. This kind of writing is much more
interesting.
Another Example
The baby was crying really hard.
Again, this is too obvious.
What does a crying baby look like? What about
a sobbing baby? Whimpering baby? Fussing
baby? How are these different?
What was the baby doing to let you know she
was upset?
Better?
The baby let out a howl that could
wake the dead. Tears poured from her
eyes, and her little face turned beet
red. She pounded her tiny fists on the
floor and hurled her toys across the
room. I just knew we were in for a long
afternoon.
In this one, a word picture was painted
for the reader. It's not just spelled out.
They get a chance to picture it, to
really see it in their minds.
How do we show?
Describe what is going on by showing
- someone's physical reaction
What does her body (face, arms, hands) do?
How does he move? (Like a dead man walking,
floating on air)
- emotional response
Think of the emotion, then what outside
appearances go with it.
screaming, laughing, sniffling
wide eyes, mouth hanging open, clenched fists
You try it!
The kids were disrespectful to
the substitute teacher.
Again...
The snake got away.
Weak vs. Strong
Verbs
Verbs are action words. But...did you
know
there are both strong and weak verbs? Strong
verbs help with showing.
Weak verbs are words that have been
overused or don't add any new info to the
sentence.
They are ok; they just lack imagination.
Ex: The bunny went across the field.
Boring. How did it go across the field? Chased?
Lazy day? Newborn seeing world for 1st time?
Strong
verbs
Strong verbs add more info and paint a
word picture in the reader's mind.
They also create mature, well-written
sentences.
Ex: The bunny scampered across the field.
Better! Other options could have been
-
raced, crawled, danced, skipped
-
Flew, bolted, zig-zagged, hopped
Each of these are good options and
would change the meaning of the
sentence. How so?
Another example
My sister hurt me because I wouldn't
sit by the window.
let her
It's a little weak. We know something painful
happened, but what?
Use strong verbs to be more specific.
I squealed as my bully of a big sister pinched my
arm and kicked my shin. Guess next time I'll let her
have the window seat.
How is this one different?
You try it.
Mom did the dishes tonight, just
like always.
Again...
The raft was at the dock.
One more...
Jimmy felt sick.
More Strong Verb
Practice
Put the extra in
extraordinary!
Using boring words in writing is like eating nothing but bread and water
all your life; it gets the job done, but it's BORING!
Use verbs to make your writing come to life. There is power in
words.
You can take one character or object and change it completely
just by substituting better verbs.
Ex: Jackson hit the ball and went home.
Better: Jackson walloped the ball out of the park and trotted home!
Still better (but in a different way): Jackson’s heart stopped as he swung
wildly, missing the ball. With his head hung low and tears in his eyes, he
trudged back to the dugout. He just knew he’d always be remembered
as the boy who lost the championship game for his team.
You try it...
The students walked out of the building.
1. Make them enthusiastic.
2. Make them angry.
3. Make them relaxed.
4. Make them carefree.
5. Make them introverted, shy,
or withdrawn.
Again...
The horse came out of the barn.
1. Make it elegant.
2. Make it nervous.
3. Make it scared.
4. Make it determined to win the race.
5. Make it relaxed.
6. Make it happy to see its owner after being
away from him/her for a while.
One more time...
The children were at the playground.
1. Make them happy.
2. Make them out of control.
3. Make them playful.
4. Make them excited.
5. Make them sad.
6. Make them angry.
More Strong Verb
Practice
Make your move!
Do your best to use a verb that describes -precisely-- how each of these move.
Use thesaurus, if needed.
How many unique ones can you come up with?
Do your best to use a verb that describes -precisely-- how each of these move.
1. hot fudge
2. Angry teen
3. Snake
4. hail
5. Sky diver
6. Pole vaulter
7. Wild horse
8. Wind
9. Avalanche
10.Broom
11.Leaf
12.Ice skater
13.Penguin
14.Brass band
26.Kite
15.Plump walrus 27.Worm
16.Snowflakes
28.Comet
17.Football player 29.Feeble old
18.Stream
man
19.Tired hikers
30.Ocean storm
20.Speeding
31.Falling dishes
bullet
32.Hippo
21.Canary
33.Volcanic ash
22.Olympic runner 34.Syrup
23.Dust
35.Surfer
24.Jet
36.Sleepy toddler
25.Army tank
37.Spider