Transcript Place Revision PPT 2

Four “Tricks” of the Trade
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The power of Verbs
Active vs. Passive Verbs
The Zoom Technique
Creating the right mood
Mark Twain’s Original Passage:
They presently emerged into the clump of sumac bushes,
looked warily out, found the coast clear, and were soon lunching and
smoking in the skiff. As the sun dipped toward the horizon, they pushed
out and got under way. Tom skimmed up the shore through the long
twilight, chatting cheerily with Huck, and landed shortly after dark.
--- Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Passage without Mark Twain's art:
They presently came out of the bushes. The coast
was clear, so they got in the skiff. They had lunch and
smoked. As the sun went down, they went out on the
water. Tom moved along the shore. He talked and then
came back to shore shortly after dark.
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE TWO?
Mark Twain’s Original Passage:
They presently emerged into the clump of sumac bushes,
looked warily out, found the coast clear, and were soon lunching and
smoking in the skiff. As the sun dipped toward the horizon, they pushed
out and got under way. Tom skimmed up the shore through the long
twilight, chatting cheerily with Huck, and landed shortly after dark.
--- Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Passage without Mark Twain's art:
They presently came out of the bushes. The coast
was clear, so they got in the skiff. They had lunch and
smoked. As the sun went down, they went out on the
water. Tom moved along the shore. He talked and then
came back to shore shortly after dark.
VERB POWER,
BABY!!!!!!
Phil went down the road.
Now let your imagination run wild. Rewrite the sentence changing only
the word WENT to make Phil seem:
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Very happy…
In a hurry…
Distracted…
Worried…
Terrified…
As if he might be a thief on the run…
As if he might be headed to a wild wonderful party
Exhausted from the toughest day of his life…
FIRST DRAFT
Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese
could be heard across the water bugling like
tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two
children were hidden behind a massive maple
tree. Watching quietly, they hoped to see
the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny
giggles escaped their whispers of excitement.
Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese
could be heard across the water bugling like
tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two
children were hidden behind a massive maple
tree. Watching quietly, they hoped to see
the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny
giggles escaped their whispers of excitement
• LOOK AT EVERY VERB
• MAKE PASSIVE SENTENCES ACTIVE
• SHOW, DON’T TELL
Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese could
be heard across the water bugling like tuneless
trumpets. Near the shore, two children were hidden
behind a massive maple tree. Watching quietly, they
hoped to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny
giggles escaped their whispers of excitement.
FINAL DRAFT
Rockwell Lake echoed with the sounds of Canada geese.
Their honking bugled across the water like tuneless
trumpets. Two children hid behind the massive maple
tree. They silently watched, hoping to see the
first goslings hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their
whispers of excitement.
Zoom Technique
Imagine that the comma controls a
telescopic lens that zooms in on images.
Start with the basic sentence:
“The rhapis palm sat in a large white
container.”
Now zoom in on the branches of the palm. Without any
word of transition, only a twist of the lens represented
by a comma, the sentence can now read:
“The rhapis palm sat in a large white
container, the branches stretching into
the air.”
Now place a comma after “air” and zoom in closer on
the branches:
“The rhapis palm sat in a large white
container, the branches stretching into
the air, fibrous joints knuckling the
otherwise smooth surface.”
SETTING THE MOOD
• Read the following three word pictures of a
sunset.
• Choose the description that best fits the
mood of a MYSTERY STORY, a Creepy
story, and a happy story.
• Then, list the words for each example that
sets the mood. Watch the adjectives and
verbs especially.
ONE
The day was dying. The sun sank wearily toward the horizon. Its light
began to fail, leaving a faded rose color across the sky. Long shadows
crept like slow snakes over the ground, changing the bright green of the
grass to gray. Soon only our flickering fire would light the scene.
TWO
The sun’s last light blazed cheerfully across the sky. My mother’s
face glowed with the reflection of the color. She smiled, welcoming
the end of the long day. Shadows danced across the lawn and soon
the porch was in a haze. Fireflies darted in and out of the trees,
sparking their tiny stars around our home. Before long we would
light the fire and toast the marshmallows.
THREE
The sky turned an angry, blood-like red. Its crimson color dripped
down the side of the old, crumbling wall near our house. From the
woods, where the darkness was deepest, we could see the flitting of
bats. The day dies, and I shivered as a slight breeze wound around
me like a snake. Oh, when would we light the fire to chase the dark?