Transcript Don’t tell us the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let

“Don’t tell us the old lady screamed.
Bring her on and let her scream.”
Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain)
Show Not Tell
You’ve heard me say it over and over.
You’ve seen examples galore.
You’ve been practicing with writing
poetry and prose.
• Is focused, descriptive
writing coming natural to you yet?
• Hmmm, not so much, you say?
• Then how can you become
even better at using what
you’ve learned in all your writing?
First, know the difference between
showing and telling:
• Telling is abstract, passive, less involving.
• It’s competent, but not je na sai quoi
• It’s a grade of 3
How do you recognize telling?
1. Those ubiquitous adverbs:
You learned them on Grammar Bytes, and they
are parts of our speech. They are allowed in
our writing, but don’t let adverbs take over.
Let me illustrate:
“You ruined by book,” he said angrily.
You’ve been told he’s angry and why;
but can you see, hear, taste, smell,
touch what the writer is seeing as he writes?
How about this?
Henry slammed the book shut and hurled it at
the couch. The pages ruffled open, exposing
words against dark black covers. He jumped
up so fast his chair skidded across the floor
and dented the new drywall. You ruined my
book, he shrieked.
Do you see what strong verbs and
specific and concrete details can do?
• I didn’t have to tell you Henry was angry.
• I didn’t even use the word angry, angrily, mad, etc.
• By showing his actions after his dialogue you know it’s him
talking and that he’s mad.
• Readers like to be involved; they like to figure things out and
be part of the action. . Show them; let them see, hear, taste,
smell, feel what you want them to experience.
• This is true for poetry or stories or essays
“To be or not to be…” Hamlet used it, but
he was disturbed at the time.
2. If possible, avoid forms of this verb: am, is, are, was,
was being, will have been,
could have been, et al.
It’s the deadest of all the dead verbs.
• Too many of these dead verbs make your readers want to “end it
all” when it comes to reading your work.
• You don’t need to totally avoid this little verb; just don’t make it
do your “heavy lifting” when a stronger verb is much more
accurate and descriptive.
(see, I just used it)
Let’s see if we can practice:
• The room was perfect.
• Really?. What do you see,
hear, smell, feel…?
Have you been told or shown?
•
•
•
•
Edits and revisions needed:
dead verb (was),
label (perfect) rather than a clearer adjective.
not even a specific detail—what room? kitchen, living
room, bedroom?
Take a few minutes to write a sentence or two to show
us what your perfect room would be. Here’s your telling
sentence: The room was perfect. Here’s your empty
room. Fill it in with specific and concrete details and
strong verbs and then let’s share some of your
“decorating skills”
Don’t look, seem, or feel.
• Whoa, Mrs. Harrell, I thought you’ve been telling
us to do just that! No, not exactly.
• These words are disguising themselves as strong
verbs, but they’re linking verbs (BTW, I expect you to
know all about linking verbs). In our sentence “You
ruined my book, he said angrily,” if you substitute
“He looked angry; He seemed angry; He felt
angry.” You’ve avoided the adverb, but have you
shown anything? No; you’ve merely told us
something. Remember, show the reader; let him
or her interpret and see for themselves.
Helpful hint:
• Study movies. Movies are visual. How do you know
someone is upset, angry, happy, sad, frustrated, etc? You
see facial expressions, movements, actions, gestures, etc.
Of course words and gestures help, but mute the sound
and see if you can “tell the story” by what is shown.
Foreign films, and even Shakespeare are more fun to watch
if actors show their dialogue.
Remember the 2012 Oscar winner?!
Remember our Greek clip of “Ransom of Red Chief”?
Quick Tips for Show not Tell
•Review your handouts on specific and concrete details, sensory language,
synesthesia, metaphors and analogies, universe of language words, etc.
All the work with words, writing, and revisions we’ve been doing relates to this.
•Use specific details (who, what, when, where, how many, etc)
•Use sensory images (concrete details)
•Use fresh similes and metaphors, not cliches
•Vary sentence structure
•Use strong verbs
•Don’t pad too much (don’t over-show or spend time
describing what’s not important to your main idea or focus) Sometimes less is more.
•Don’t be afraid to use some telling. A mix of both works. Keep your writing
alive! Clean out the stream, but leave that piano in the tree. (“Writing Workshop”
poem from You as a Writer handout…remember?)
Now for practice activities
• Practice handouts I’ll provide
• Twenty telling sentences from website for fun
practice and extra credit (6th handouts section)
• Examples from famous authors that I’ve put
on the website (6th handouts section)
• “Show not Tell” Read Arounds in class
Mrs. Harrell’s slide show used ideas from Rebecca Kaplan and Shirley Jump