Transcript The Sense of Structure Writing From the Reader`s

The Sense of Structure
Writing From the Reader’s
Perspective
By George D. Gopen
Benjamin Lok
9/21/06
Outline
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Why should this interest me?
Gopen’s Approach
Sentences
Paragraphs
Summary
Who would benefit from this talk/book?
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Writers of technical papers and proposals
Writers who write X, but get reviewers that
complain of Y
Writers for whom English is not a primary
language
Approach
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The problem with writing is that:
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We have an idea X
We write down a set of words w
Mentally we associate w -> X
When we ‘proofread’ w, we mentally get X
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Because of the association
Not necessarily because w -> X
How can we solve this?
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We can’t
Approach
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However, we can try to raise the percentage chance
that a reader will associate w->X
By understanding what readers comprehend
when reading w
Note: This means that some people will still
believe w!->X
Gopen’s Approach
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Study writing from the reader’s perspective
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Fewer rules!
Example:
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In the second study, people performed the task twice.
Study participants, in the second study, twice performed the task..
From the reader’s perspective, which sentence gave us more
information?
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Why?
While we’ve been taught writing rules are paramount, it really is
secondary in impacting what the user comprehends.
So what is primary?
Not word choice.
Word order!
85% word order, 15% word choice
Emphasis
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Although Fred is a nice guy, he beats his dog.
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Although Fred beats his dog, he’s a nice guy.
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#3
Fred beat his dog, but he’s a nice guy.
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#1
Fred is a nice guy, but he beats his dog.
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#4
#2
Evaluate: Stress point, and dependent/independent clauses
Important things to consider:
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Dog lovers always hate Fred
You can make Fred unlikable
Carrot
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Confidence - the message you are writing will
be the same message the reader is reading
Efficiency - spend less time with your writing
Persuasion - subtly shape reader’s perceptions
Tools not rules. You won’t be forced to
memorize anything!
Motivating Examples
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Gopen is a writing instructor and consultant
Studies what people perceive when the read a passage.
Example: Which is correct?
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A. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake, which is broken.
B. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake which is broken.
C. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake that is broken.
D. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake, which is broken.
Answer:
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A&C grammatically correct, B&D grammatically wrong
The issue? The which/that rule is hard to remember
One Motivating Example
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Example 2: Which is correct?
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My sister, who plays the violin, is visiting me this summer
My sister who plays the violin is visiting me this summer
What is the difference?
What does this tell us about the writer/reader
relationship?
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Ahh, the writer already KNOWS how many sisters he/she
has
“Filling in the ignorant reader” is the academic task of the
writer
No!
Sentences
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A sentence by itself is:
Rarely good nor bad
 Neither correct nor wrong
 E.g. stick a sentence in from the Gettysburg Address
into Dr. King’s “I have a Dream” speech
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What matters?
Context Counts
 Word Order counts
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Links to Movies/Songs
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You attend a concert. Freeze a moment in time
about 15 minutes into the concert. What do you
expect in the next minute?
Movies –
Watchers/Listeners/READERS have expectations
 If you break expectations
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They get confused (the muddled feeling you get)
 They distrust you (this is difficult to recover from)
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Reader Expectations of a Sentence
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Word Order Counts!
Talk welcome this to
 Welcome to this talk
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Why?
Reader expects certain conventions
Readers of English expect that the action of
a sentence will be articulated by its verb
Therefore: always make sure that the verb of a
sentence is the action of what are you saying.
Reader Expectations of a Sentence
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Readers of English expect that the action of a
sentence will be articulated by its verb
Therefore: always make sure that the verb of a
sentence is the action of what are you saying.
Note what is perceived from the following:
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What would be the student reaction accorded the imposition
of such a requirement?
How would the students react to such a requirement?
How would the students react if the Dean imposed the new
requirement?
The main question is: what is the authors intent? This
is formalized by the verb
Reader Expectations of a Sentence
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Readers of English expect that the action of a
sentence will be articulated by its verb
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Persuasion example:
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We are firing you because you failed to meet your sales quota,
as required by clause IV(b) of your employment contract.
Discontinuation of your employment contract has become
necessary because of noncompliance with clause IV(b).
Which is easier to take? For everyone? How much
easier? Is their a ceiling/floor?
Whose Story is This Anyways?
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Readers expect the a clause will tell the story of whoever or
whatever shows up first
Why?
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The order of arrival significantly affects synthesis
Example: Jack loves Jill.
What does the reader process?
What about:
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The mind synthesizes words as they arrive
Jill is loved by Jack
The point is when starting a sentence, ask yourself: Who is the
story about?
What else does this imply:
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You shouldn’t wait to tell the reader the subject
What are you waiting for?
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Readers expect the grammatical subject to
be followed almost immediately by the
grammatical verb
Ex. The combination of such confidence in
understanding situations and such unwillingness
– or perhaps inability – to step forward and be
assertive was completely new to her
Completely new to her was the combination of
such confidence in understanding situations and
such unwillingness – or perhaps inability -- to
be step forward an be assertive.
What are you waiting for?
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Readers expect the grammatical subject to be followed
almost immediately by the grammatical verb
Make the first word is the subject
Make what the subject does the second word
A side effect: If you don’t readers will less likely
remember what you place between a subject and
verb!
Example: Participants, in the second study, took twice
as long to complete the task as those in the first study.
A reminder… so what?
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So what if I don’t follow these guidelines?
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SUBJECT VERB…
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Save the Best for Last
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Humans like to save the best for last
Like eating! Dessert is last!
Tool: Readers of English expect the material most to
be emphasized in the sentence will appear at a moment
of full syntactic closure, called a Stress Point (SP).
Corollary: Readers of English expect that every Stress
position will be filled with material intended to receive
significant emphasis.
Ex. Jack loves Jill
What do we expect is the author’s main point?
What do we expect to follow?
Emphasis Example
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I went downtown yesterday, and I had a car accident.
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I went downtown yesterday. I had a car accident.
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Car accident is by far the most important.
When I had the car accident yesterday, I was downtown.
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Car accident is most important.
Downtown yesterday, I had a car accident.
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Both are equivalent, and the author clearly intended it.
When I went downtown yesterday, I had a car accident.
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Weird that both seem equivalent!
Being downtown was the most important part.
Again, order matters, not word choice.
Summary
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Word order is important
Subject should be the first word
Verb should follow
Stress point should in the last part of the
sentence.
Foreshadowing: You can manipulate the
reader!!!
Another Emphasis Example
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Please Score: 0-100:
Overall, although the proposal is scientifically sound,
the preliminary results are not persuasive.
Although the preliminary results are not persuasive,
overall this proposal is scientifically sound.
Overall, this proposal is scientifically sound, but the
preliminary results are not persuasive.
The preliminary results are not persuasive, but overall
this proposal is scientifically sound.
Avg scores 30, 70, 40, 60.
Topic Position
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Tool: Readers expect the material at the
beginning of a sentence to provide a
connection backward to the previous
sentence.
Look at a paragraph’s topic positions!
Backward-Linking old information + Whose
story = CONTEXT
Subject->SP relationship
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Tool: Readers expect the material at the
beginning of a sentence to contextualize them
for the new and important material to be
presented later in the sentence.
Tool: Readers form that context by answer two
questions: (1) Whose story is this? And (2) How
does this sentence link backward to the sentence
before it?
How am I to use this to help me write?
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Tool: Make sure that your subject and stress points
in a paragraph are connected!
Paragraphs connect sentences
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Eg. Asbestos insulation installers who have
inhaled asbestos fibers over a period of many
years regularly contract these diseases.
What is the most important things?
Could be installers, asbestos fibers, insulation, over a
period of many years
 You control things. AND the reader expects things
(SP).
 If you don’t the odds of them picking up on what
you meant drop considerably
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But it feels too restrictive!
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You can add phrases, etc. however you just need
to know how they will be perceived
Boredom does not rise from structure, but from
content
Lots of freedom!
If your Topic and Stress points are full of stupid
and boring things, perhaps your idea is too.
Take Home Points
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Write most sentences as:
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Subject -> Verb ->Stress Point
Whose Story – Action – Stress
Take Home Points
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Paragraph
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The *point* of your paragraph should be in the first two
sentences (almost always)
The point of your entire paper should be at the end of the
first paragraph
Subject1 -> Verb1 ->Stress Point1. Subject2 -> Verb2 >Stress Point2.
 Stress Point1 should be clearly related to Subject2.
Controlling movement->controlling thought
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Controlling the whose story let’s you say what is the ‘star’ of
the text. Controlling the stress points means you control
what is important.
Bad Advice
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Myth: “Write the way you speak”
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Instead: “Write the way your readers read”
Myth: “To see if your writing is good, read it out loud”
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Longer sentences are harder to write, not read!
Myth: “Avoid the verb to be and other weak verbs”
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You only reinforce the w->X linkage, not whether someone will
comprehend w->X
Myth: “To make it better, make it shorter”
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Speaking has more information (verbal/nonverbal cues)
Verbs gain meaning through context. This is more important
Myth: “Vary the way you begin sentences to keep your reader
interested”
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Linkages, plus beginning of a sentence is just too important for variety
sake. What is the role of your writing?
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http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0205296
327/104-79592755021534?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=2
83155
Remember: Writing is a part of the thinking
process.