Transcript islamic parenting strategies

ISLAMIC
PARENTING
RAISING UPRIGHT CHILDREN
Dr. Alizi Alias,
University of Gloucestershire
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Dr. Alizi Alias,
University of Gloucestershire
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Dr. Alizi Alias, University of
Gloucestershire
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Dr. Alizi Alias, University of
Gloucestershire
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Dr. Alizi Alias, University of
Gloucestershire
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DALIL AL-QUR’AN
‫اس‬
َ ‫يَا أَيُّ َها الَّ ِذ‬
ً ‫س ُك ْم َوأ َ ْه ِلي ُك ْم ن‬
ُ َّ‫َارا َوقُودُ َها الن‬
َ ُ‫ين آ َمنُوا قُوا أ َ ْنف‬
…ُ ‫ارة‬
َ ‫َو ْال ِح َج‬
 “Hai orang-orang yang beriman, peliharalah
dirimu dan keluargamu dari api neraka yang
bahan bakarnya adalah manusia dan batu…”
 Al-Tahrim 66: 6
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TAFSIR
 1. ‘Ali bin Abi Thalib radhiyallaahu ‘anhu berkata, “Ajarkanlah agama
kepada keluarga kalian, dan ajarkan pula adab-adab Islam.”
 2. Qatadah rahimahullaah berkata, “Suruh keluarga kalian untuk taat
kepada Allah! Cegah mereka dari berbuat maksiat! Hendaknya
mereka melaksanakan perintah Allah dan bantulah mereka! Apabila
kalian melihat mereka berbuat maksiyat, maka cegah dan laranglah
mereka!”
 3. Ibnu Jarir ath-Thabari rahimahullaah berkata: “Ajarkan keluarga
kalian untuk taat kepada Allah ‘Azza wa Jalla yang (hal itu) dapat
menyelamatkan diri mereka dari api Neraka.”
 4. Imam asy-Syaukani mengutip perkataan Ibnu Jarir: “Wajib atas kita
untuk mengajarkan anak-anak kita Dienul Islam (agama Islam), serta
mengajarkan kebaikan dan adab-adab Islam.”
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DALIL AL-QUR’AN
َ ‫اجنَا َوذُ ِريَّا ِتنَا قُ َّرة‬
ْ ‫ون َربَّنَا َه‬
َ ُ‫ين يَقُول‬
َ ‫ َوالَّ ِذ‬
ِ ‫ب لَنَا ِم ْن أ َ ْز َو‬
‫ين ِإ َما ًما‬
َ ‫اجعَ ْلنَا ِل ْل ُمت َّ ِق‬
ْ ‫أ َ ْعيُ ٍن َو‬
Dan orang orang yang berkata: "Ya Tuhan kami, 
anugrahkanlah kepada kami isteri-isteri kami dan
keturunan kami sebagai penyenang hati (kami),
dan jadikanlah kami imam bagi orang-orang
yang bertakwa.
 Al-Furqan 25: 74
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TAFSIR
 1. Ikrimah: Orang2 yg beriman tidak
mengharapkan Allah mengurniakan mereka
isteri-isteri dan anak-cucu lawa atau berpangkat,
tetapi berharap agar dikurniakan mereka yang
taat kepada-Nya
 2. Hasan al-Basri: Allah melihat kpd seseorang
hamba Muslim itu apabila isterinya, saudaranya,
anak-anaknya, teman-temannya taat kpd Allah..
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 Khalifah Umar mendapati ramai drp
peniaga2 susu telah berlaku khianat –
campur air dlm susu yg dijual.
 Arahan melarang mereka melakukan
dan amaran hukuman
 Seorang anak menegah ibunya
melakukan demikian: “Amirul Mu’minin
mungkin tidak melihat, tapi tuhan Amirul
Mu’minin Maha Melihat
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FASA2 PERKEMBANGAN
ِ َّ ِ ‫ون‬
‫ارا‬
َ ‫ َما لَ ُك ْم ََل ت َ ْر ُج‬
ً َ‫ّلِل َوق‬
Mengapa kamu tidak percaya akan kebesaran Allah? 
ْ َ ‫ َوقَ ْد َخلَقَ ُك ْم أ‬
‫ارا‬
ً ‫ط َو‬
Padahal Dia sesungguhnya telah menciptakan kamu 
dalam beberapa fasa perkembangan.
 Al-Tawbah 71: 13-14
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ْ ُ‫ب ث ُ َّم ِم ْن ن‬
‫علَقَ ٍة ث ُ َّم يُ ْخ ِر ُج ُك ْم ِط ْف ًًل ث ُ َّم‬
ٍ ‫ ُه َو الَّ ِذي َخلَقَ ُك ْم ِم ْن ت ُ َرا‬
َ ‫طفَ ٍة ث ُ َّم ِم ْن‬
ُ ‫شدَّ ُك ْم ث ُ َّم ِلت َ ُكونُوا‬
ُ َ ‫ِلت َ ْبلُغُوا أ‬
‫شيُو ًخا ۚ َو ِم ْن ُك ْم َم ْن يُت َ َوفَّ ٰى ِم ْن قَ ْب ُل ۖ َو ِلت َ ْبلُغُوا‬
‫ون‬
َ ُ‫س ًّمى َولَعَلَّ ُك ْم ت َ ْع ِقل‬
َ ‫أ َ َج ًًل ُم‬
“He it is Who created you from dust, then from a sperm
drop, then from a clot, then He brings you forth as a
child, then that you may attain your maturity, then that
you may be old-- and of you there are some who are
caused to die before-- and that you may reach an
appointed term, and that you may understand.”
 Ghafir 40: 67
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Developmental Psychology–
Fiqh Perspective
 Ahliah al-Wujub Naqisah
 (Prenatal stage)
 Ahliah al-Wujub Tammah/Kamilah
 (From birth to mumaiyyiz)
 Ahliah al-Ada’ Naqisah
 (From mummaiyyiz to bulugh- )
 Ahliah al-Ada’ Tammah/Kamilah
 (From bulugh to death, as long as he/she is
`aqil)
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When is the starting point of
Islamic Parenting?
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0-2 YEARS
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REFLEXES
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PERCEPTUAL DEVELOPMENT
 Vision
 Visual acuity: Clear for 8-10 inches; Good
vision by 6 months
 Visual preference
 Depth Perception
 Visual Cliff experiment (Walk & Gibson, 1961)
 Other Senses
 Auditory memory
 Direction of sound
 Taste & Smell
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BRAIN DEVELOPMENT
•
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PSYCHOMOTOR DEVELOPMENT
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Perkembangan Sosial
 Attachment - the emotional bond
between an infant and the primary
caregiver.
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Secure - willing to explore, upset when
mother departs but easily soothed upon
her return.
Avoidant – unattached; explore without
“touching base.”
Ambivalent - insecurely attached; upset
when mother leaves and then angry with
mother upon her return.
Disorganized-disoriented – insecurely
attached and sometimes abused or
neglected; seemed fearful, dazed, and
depressed.
Dr. Alizi Alias, University of
Gloucestershire
Menu
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Menu
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 Trust versus mistrust - first stage of
personality development in which the
infant’s basic sense of trust or mistrust
develops as a result of consistent or
inconsistent care.
 Autonomy versus shame and doubt second stage of personality development
in which the toddler strives for physical
independence.
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ISLAMIC PARENTING
STRATEGIES
 Exposure to basic colours/shapes, Islamic pictures,
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pictures of natural beauty
Exposure to objects with differing distance
Exposure to different and contrasting faces
Exposure to activities requiring the usage of hands and
legs – but don’t force
Touch
Nafqah zahir
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 Auditory: Azan, Qur’anic readings, natural sounds,


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arranged sounds
Taste and smell: breastfeeding, tahnik, fruits/vegetables,
natural smell, perfurme
Touch: shave hair
Others: Aqiqah, good names, khitan
Issue: Barakah
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ُ ُ‫اّلِلُ أ َ ْخ َر َج ُك ْم ِم ْن ب‬
‫ش ْيئ ًا َو َجعَ َل لَ ُك ُم‬
َ ‫ون‬
َ ‫ون أ ُ َّم َها ِت ُك ْم ََل ت َ ْعلَ ُم‬
َّ ‫ َو‬
ِ ‫ط‬
‫ون‬
َ ‫ار َو ْاْل َ ْفئِدَة َ ۙ لَعَلَّ ُك ْم ت َ ْش ُك ُر‬
َّ ‫ال‬
َ ‫س ْم َع َو ْاْل َ ْب‬
َ ‫ص‬
 “It is He who brought you forth from the
wombs of your mothers when you knew
nothing; and He made for you
hearings, visions and the hearts
(af’idah( So that you may give thanks.”
 Al-Nahl 16: 78
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ً ‫ار َو ْاْل َ ْف ِئدَة َ ۚ قَ ِل‬
‫يًل َما‬
َ ‫ َو ُه َو الَّ ِذي أ َ ْن‬
َّ ‫شأ َ لَ ُك ُم ال‬
َ ‫س ْم َع َو ْاْل َ ْب‬
َ ‫ص‬
‫ون‬
َ ‫ت َ ْش ُك ُر‬
 “It is He who has created/developed
(ansha’a for you hearing, vision, and
the heart). But little did you give
thanks.”
 Al-Mu’minun 23: 78
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LESSONS ON AQIDAH
 Allah has the power of the development
of our 0-2 years old children. Don’t forget
du’a and tawakkal.
 Kisah: Nabi Musa dan Nabi Isa AS
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ISSUES:
 Computers: The good and the bad
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2-5 YEARS OLD
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FOUNDATION: SPIRITUAL
EDUCATION
 Religious fitrah/nature – understanding
aqidah in its simplest form
 Introduce them to Allah, His attributes
and His greatness
 Introduce them to Al-Anbiya’ and their
struggles, the role of angels and devils,
the Day of Judgement
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PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT
 Gross Skills:

Walking, running, balancing, co-ordinating.
 Fine Skills:

Fingers, toes, eyes e.g. drawing, writing,
holding, throwing, waving, catching, etc.
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ISLAMIC PARENTING
STRATEGIES
 Hygiene at home and the environment
 Avoiding/treating illnesses e.g. immunes
system, weather, medication
 Diet: Halal and tayyib – balanced, no
intoxicant
 Physical games e.g. playground,
exercise, sports
 Adab while eating, drinking, and sleeping
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 Hadith: “Cleanse your body so that Allah
will cleanse you.” (riwayat Tibrani)
 Hadith: “Indeed Allah is good and He
likes good things. He is clean and He
likes clean things. (riwayat Tirmizi)
 Issue: Cleanliness in UK
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 Hadith: "There is a cure for every
disease. Whenever an illness is treated
with its right remedy, it will, by Allah's
permission, be cured." (Muslim)
 Issue: Children’s Health
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 Hadith: "No human ever filled a
container more evil than his belly. The
few morsels needed to support his being
shall suffice the son of Adam. But if there
is no recourse then one third for his food,
one third for his drink and one third for
his breath." (Ahmad and At-Tirmidhi)
 Issue: Children’s Diet
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COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT
 Preoperational stage - the preschool child learns to
use language as a means of exploring the world.


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Egocentrism - the inability to see the world through
anyone else’s eyes.
Centration - the tendency of a young child to focus only
on one feature of an object while ignoring other relevant
features.
Conservation - the ability to understand that simply
changing the appearance of an object does not change
the object’s nature.
Irreversibility - the inability of the young child to mentally
reverse an action.
 Still depends on individuals and culture
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Dr. Alizi Alias, University of
Gloucestershire
ISLAMIC PARENTING
STRATEGIES
 Imam Al-Ghazali RH on understanding
concepts via language:
 Teach the concepts of khusyu’, tawadu’,
raja’, adil, hikmah, shaja’ah, hubb, iffah
 Start early: Use models/examples
 May not understand fully at first, but they
will when they reach 5-6 years old.
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SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT
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 Initiative vs guilt –
 the preschool-aged child strives for
emotional and psychological
independence and attempts to satisfy
curiosity about the world.
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PARENTING STYLES
 Authoritarian parents
 Control behaviour rigidly; unquestioning
obedience
 Permissive-indifferent parents
 Too little control; fail to set limits on behaviour;
neglectful & inattentive
 Permissive-indulgent parents
 Attentive & supportive; fail to set limits on
behaviour
 Authoritative parents
 Provide firm structure & guidance w/o being
overly controlling; listen to children’s opinion;
give explanations for their decisions; made clear
that parents who make & enforce rules
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Outcomes
 Authoritarian parents
 Children: poor comm. Skills, moody,

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withdrawn, distrustful
Permissive-indifferent parents
Children: overly dependent, lacking in social
skills, self-control
Permissive-indulgent parents
Children: immature, disrespectful,
impulsive, out of control
Authoritative parents
Children: self-reliant, socially responsible
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 Hadith: Rasulullah SAW kissed Hasan
dan Husain RA
 Hadith: Rasulullah SAW let them play
‘horse’ while he’s prostrating during salat
jama’ah at the mosque
 Hadith: letting Aishah RA play with dolls
 Imam al-Ghazali: Let the children play
after studying/learning
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ISLAMIC PARENTING
STRATEGIES
 Teach the meaning of life: what, why,
where, when, how?
 Allah’s existence; role in this world,
human nature e.g. good vs. evil
 Teach good spoken language
 Expose to natural beauty
 Expose to good readings
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 Muhammad al-Ghazali: Exposure to
nature will cleanse the fitrah, ensure
healthy physical/spiritual development,
and develop thinking skills
 Opportunity in UK?
 Examples of good readings
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SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT
 Started to know that gender cannot be
changed
 Issue: Where does baby come from?
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Gloucestershire
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ISLAMIC PARENTING
STRATEGIES
 Encourage social interaction e.g. mosques,
Islamic activities, and school activities
 Encourage good deeds; Make them aware
of bad deeds
 Educate on collective ibadah
 Teach the differences between boys and
girls
 Teach adabs
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LESSONS ON AQIDAH
 Allah has the power over the
development of 2-5 years old children
 Western secular theories are based on
scientific observation but still have
biases in terms of methods and cultural
influences
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ISSUES
 Nursery, Maids, or Full-time mother?
 Music: The goods and the bads?
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6-12 YEARS OLD
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PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT
 Massive bone/muscle development
 Puberty: secondary sexual
characteristics
 Girls: breast
 Boys: shoulder and voice
 Girls: earlier than boys
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COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT
 Can think logically; not yet abstract
thinking
 Can classify, make analogy, etc.
 Ibn Umar cognitive development:
Prophet SAW playing riddles
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Gloucestershire
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SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT
 Industry vs inferiority –
 the adolescent strives for a sense of
competence and self-esteem.
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SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT
 Learn the do’s and don’ts in sexual
behaviour
 Learn gender-appropriate behaviour
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ISLAMIC PARENTING
STRATEGIES
 Encourage physical activities e.g.
playground, sports, bicycle, scooter,
roller-blade, skiing
 Encourage creative arts: cutting, pasting,
moulding, drawing, writing, etc.
 Self-service: tying shoelaces, brush
teeth
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Gloucestershire
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 Explain human role in this world
 Educate on amal salih
 Instill reading habits
 Teach the function of male and female
(both biology and fiqh); adab in
interacting with the opposite sex, and
why both needs each other (marriage)
 Issue: the origin of homosexuality
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Gloucestershire
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LESSONS ON AQIDAH
 Allah has the power of the development
of 6-12 years old children
 Examples: Ali, Aishah, Kisah Perang
Uhud, Usamah ibn Zayd, Sultan
Muhammad Al-Fatih
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Gloucestershire
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ISSUES
 National school, Islamic School, Both, or
Integrated School?
 To facebook or not to facebook?
 Too much exposure to secularism and/or
christianity
 Exposure to khilaf mazhab
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DU’AT PARENTING
 The family Nabi2 AS, Sahabat RA, Salaf al-
Salih RH are family of da’wah and jihad
 All amal ibadah are connected with iman;
And all amal da’wah are based on amal
ibadah
 Long-term goal for ummah, not just shortterm goal for family
 Also human being: need emotional and
social support from da’wah community
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Gloucestershire
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ACTIVITIES
 Salat jama’ah; Tilawah al-Qur’an; Zikir
ma’thurat
 Tazkirah/Usrah/Halaqah on iman,
meaning of Qur’an/Hadith, sirah Nabi
and Sahabah
 Ziarah da’wah/tarbiah/charity
 Islamic picnic/camping
 Social activities
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PARENTS NEED CRITICAL
THINKING TOO
 Nabi Nuh AS failed as parent?
 Isu 2: Nabi Ibrahim AS neglected his
son?
 Isu 3: Nabi Yaakub AS practice
favouritism?
 Isu 4: Early childhood experience Nabi
Musa vs. Nabi Muhammad
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Tasbih Kaffarah…
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