Transcript skyblog 2少女

一个人的荷花
作者：汪彦弘 《解放日报》2005年8月26日
荷花，夏日的一种风景。它少了点浮躁，多了点宁静。近日去无锡, 听
说左近有一处“锦园”的荷花，分外诱人。一日清晨，我独自一人悄悄
地溜出住处，朝着那片心仪的荷花地走去。园内，一条小道直通荷花深
处，我驻足、徘徊、徜徉其间，耳目共赏，心境出奇的平和，一扫夏日
的烦躁，人仿佛置身于水墨丹青之中，物我两忘。小道的左边，一地荷
花，右边也是一地荷花。只是一边白色，一边红色，盈盈一地方数亩。
然而，晨曦中的锦园，空寂无人，唯有荷叶簇拥，飒飒有声；小荷尖尖 ，
娇羞万状。
一池白荷，如水中嬉戏的天鹅，翘首顾盼；一池红荷，似无数少女，在
水上舞台频频起舞。硕大的荷叶，像一把把雨伞。娇羞的花朵，风情万
种：有的苞蕾紧裹，有的含苞欲放，有的花蕊初绽，有的花瓣怒放，也
有花尽瓣谢唯留大大的莲蓬。荷花的颜色，深浅有致，其中有数十根细
细的浅黄色的花芯，蜜蜂正围着它，依次吻遍，然后飞向另一朵。大片
的蜻蜓，在碧连天的荷花上空飞舞。水上的蜻蜓，全身黑色，肚中间有
一条金色的腰带，一对翅膀是水晶色的，它像一队护花使者，始终徘徊
在荷花四周。小道尽头，一条廊檐横卧，漫步其间，一侧是无垠的太湖，
浩浩汤汤；一侧便是满地荷花，尽收眼底。
一个人的荷花，是一种意识，一种感觉，一种陶醉。我真想折一枝长长
荷叶，如擎着一把阳伞，这才是一种拥有；我真想摘一朵尖尖荷花，如
捧着一分心意，这才是一种满足。周敦颐的《爱莲说》高古韵远，王维
的“莲动下渔舟”诗意盎然，李苦禅的“墨荷”笔墨酣畅，以及朱自清
的《荷塘月色》意象纷呈。只是，我不是画家，无法描摹它的神韵天籁；
我不是诗人，写不出它妩媚与妖娆；我只是想把“濯锦翻红蕊”摄入镜
头，作为永远的珍藏；又不忍心真的去摘荷花，带回去，作为霸占的炫
耀。我在心里，一遍遍地描摹与刻画。其实，它早已定格在我的印象之
中，成为了一个诗意的文化符号，无法抹去。当然，也只有身临其境，
才能感受那般气氛与魅力。
荷叶，碧绿一片如染，错落参差。荷花，白的无瑕，红的娇嫩，婷婷玉
立一般。耳畔，风声飒飒；眼前，荷叶摇曳轻摆；花蕊，暗香浮动——
—这就是我印象中写意与写实俱美的夏日荷花。
参考译文(来源：http://www.debuluo.com/space-300493-do-blog-id-107425.html)
Lotus, a view exclusive to the summer, makes you less fidgety and more serene. On my recent visit to Wuxi, I was told of a Lotus Garden
called Jingyuan, particularly attractive and fortunately close to my room. The next morning I found myself unable to overcome the temptation, so I
sneaked out straight and made my way to the garden. Along a winding path, I reached the depth of lotus, the center of the garden, where I now
stopped, now wandered about for appreciating the beauty, pleasant to my eyes and to my ears as well. Before I was aware of it, my mind grew
unexpectedly mild and left no room for the fidgetiness, a commonplace hold on my mind in summer. Bit by bit, the boundary line blurred between
objects and people, and I came to fancy myself as part of a piece of traditional Chinese painting in ink and wash. The path was lined with lotus
flowers, red on one side and white on the other, which stretched themselves for hectares. Amidst a couple of streaks of sun rays notwithstanding, all
in the garden was silence except for the occasional rustle heard from heaps of lotus leaves, above which the buds, in delicacy, shyness or others,
were vying to shoot up.
In the lotus pond, the flowers in white seemed to be a flock of swans which often raised their heads to gaze around while playing merrily
in the water; and those in red appeared to me countless lasses who were dancing gracefully on water stage. The leaves, large and green, were likened
to umbrellas, and the buds, delicate and shy, assumed a diversity of profiles, say, some refusing to expose themselves, some starting exposing
themselves, some having themselves decorated with a couple of tender pistils, some struggling to stretch their petals as wide as possible, and still
others retaining big seed lops after the petals had withered and fallen. Although varying in shade of color, the flowers remained exquisite, among
which there was a flower with dozens tiny and yellowish of cores, all of which were sequentially caressed by a bee before he headed for another
flower. Above the vast expanse of azure leaves were a company of dragonflies on flight, and above the water was some dragonflies black all over
except for a golden belt around the abdomen and a pair of crystal wings. These creatures, as if a squad of escorts, loitered about to protect the lotus.
When I found myself at the end of the path, what greeted my eyes was a pavilion that commanded a panoramic view of either side of the garden:
vast and mighty Taihu Lake, the flowers lying in riotous profusion all over the pond.
Everyone’s view of the lotus would present itself as one form of consciousness, feeling and intoxication. I was torn by the idea of
breaking a large and long lotus leaf and holding it like a parasol. Anyhow, it deserved to be termed as possession in its real sense. Also I was dying
to pick up a tiny and tender flower and hold it with all care and caution in my hands. Probably no words other than satisfaction could not fail to
express my feeling then. Zhou Dun-yi, in his essay titled On My Love of Lotus, praised it for elegance, simplicity and profundity; Wang Wei
capitalized on lotus to bring the unique poetic atmosphere over the line of“Lotus stirs as fishing boat wades”; Li Ku-chan made lotus merry and
lively in Lotus, one of his ink and wash paintings; and Zhu Zi-qing represented lotus in diversified images in his household essay Lotus Pond at a
Moon-light Night. To me, it was really a pity that I was neither a painter nor a poet, so I could not manage to portray its natural verve on the painting
nor to retain its seducing charm on the paper. Therefore, I was bent on taking a camera shot to record the scene where the red lotus flowers stir as the
pond water ripples, in an attempt to make it what could deserve cherishing forever. Worse still, I could not bear to pluck any flower and take it home
as the reminder of my monopoly over it. And as such, I repeated having it portrayed and carved on my heart. To tell the truth, it has now been
registered for good on my impression about it, having evolved into a poetic cultural symbol that defies any removal. Certainly true is both its charm
the atmosphere produced cannot be perceived without your personal experience.
Lotus leaves appear a vast expanse azure as if having been dyed uniformly, but the multiplicity of their heights give a sense of rhythm.
The lotus flowers, in flawlessly white or tenderly red, stand slim and graceful. The breeze rustling is caressing my ears, the leaves waving to greet
my eyes, a fit of faint fragrance floating from pistils is finding its way to my noses. This is no other than my enduring memory of the summer-time
lotus whose beauty can recommend itself for either painting or writing.
（来源：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4d74d9280100e5cf.html）
小组译文
Lotus, a scenery exclusive to the summer, lets you cast off fickleness and embrace tranquility instead. Lately I visited Wuxi where the
neighboring-located “Splendid Garden” wins a name particularly for its tempting lotus. Sneaking out of my dwelling quietly by myself in
an early morning, for which with irresistible passion, I headed for the dreamboat in the garden. A winding path led me to the depth of
lotus, the center of garden, where I couldn’t help stopping by, wandering about and strolling on the beautiful scenery. The feast to my
eyes and ears took along an extraordinary sense of peacefulness, leaving no room for commonplace fidgetiness in a flat summer. The
boundary line gradually blurred between objects and people, with me fancying myself as an inseparable part of a traditional Chinese
painting in ink and wash. The path was lined with lotus flowers, red on one side and white on the other, which vividly stretched
themselves for hectares. Yet all but silence in the garden that secretly grew amidst the interspaces of mild sun rays, except for random
rustle performed by clustered lotus leaves, above which the buds, in delicate shyness, were vying to shoot up.
The white lotus filling the pond seemed to be a flock of swans which keep their heads up and gaze around while playing merrily in the
water; and the red lotus appeared to me countless lasses dancing gracefully on the water stage. he leaves, large and emerald, closely
resembled to umbrellas. the flowers, delicate and shy, appeared exceedingly fascinating and charming, say, some tightly wrapped, some
in bud, some in early blossom, some in full blossom, and still others having withered away and leaving the seeds only. The color of lotus
is exquisite, shading from deep to light. Among the lotus there was one with dozens of slender and yellowish pistils, all of which were
sequentially caressed by a bee before he headed for another flower. A company of dragonflies were dancing in the vast expanse above
the verdurous leaves. And those above the water were black all over, except for golden belt around the and a golden belt around the
abdomen and a pair of crystal wings. These creatures were inspecting all along as a squad of escorts to protect the lotus . When I found
myself at the end of the path, there was a veranda across. While I was rambling through, what unfolded before my eyes was gorgeous
view: on one side was the vast and mighty Taihu Lake; on the other side was the panoramic view of lotus covering the pond.
Companied alone, the image of lotus would present itself as one form of consciousness, feeling and enchantment. It would be the real
sense of possession if I can break and hold a parasol-like lotus leaf as my wish; it would be the real feeling of satisfaction if I can pick up
a heart-shaped lotus bud just like enjoying a blessing. Even the artists in the past had the intention to possess the image of lotus in their
own talented ways. On My Love of Lotus, an essay written by Zhou Dunyi, was elegant, unsophisticated and profound; the line “Lotus
sways as fishing boat floats” created by Wang Wei provided one of the most poetic senses ever in the history; Li Kuchan’s Lotus, a
classical series of Chinese ink paintings, established a unique painting style of untrammeled and unrestrained; Zhu Ziqing’s Lotus
Pond at a Moon-light Night was distinguished for its diversified imaginations of lotus. As for me, however, it is really a pity that I am
neither a painter nor a poet, so I could not manage to portray the natural fascination of lotus, not to mention depicting its enchanting
charm in words. Meanwhile, not being hard-hearted enough, I could not hurt the lotus and grasp it home as flaunt. Therefore I could
merely treasure the damask-like lotus pond eternally by shooting down it in my camera. Even so, I still had the image portrayed and
carved in my mind over and over again. As a result, it actually has been seared on my memory, having evolved into an inerasable culture
symbol of poetry. Well, it is certainly true that only by staying with the lotus on the scene all by himself, could one indeed experience the
consciousness, feeling and enchantment of lotus, whatever techniques are adapted to keep it.
Lotus leaves, integrated virid in a vast expanse as if dyed naturally, shaded in lively distinguished heights like green waves. Lotus flowers,
in contrast, stood still gracefully with the soul of a beauty in flawless white or tenderly red. Around me was breezing rustle mildly
whispering upon my ears, lotus leaves shaking and dancing as if greeting in sight, and the soft but intense fragrance from the pistil
floating, permeating to my noses. There is nothing ever comparable to my everlasting memory on a pond of lotus in summer that could
exceed any intricate portray in idealistic and realistic painting or writing.
（来源：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4d74d9280100e5cf.html）
Para.1
荷花，夏日的一种风景。它少了点浮躁，多了点宁静。
原译：Lotus, a view in summer, makes you less fidgety and more serene.
句尾加一个instead可以更好地体现两种状态的转变.起强调作用.
一种风景在此处应该带有”独特的,特有的”之意,用以为全文对荷花的描写做下铺
它少了点…多了点…在这里并不是指荷花本身少了浮躁,多了宁静,而是指荷花的
由于是使观赏者少了点浮躁,多了点宁静,因此在这里我们将原译中的make
改译：Lotus,
a scenery exclusive to the summer, lets you cast off
you
fickleness
and embrace tranquilityto一词,强调其独特性.同时用scenery代替
instead.
垫,因此在翻译时我们加入exclusive
存在让欣赏它的人能够不那么浮躁,转而内心宁静.且这种转变是自然而然的,因
less…more…的句式替换掉.
view,更能体现”风景”之意.
此将makes
you改为lets you更能避免一种被动性.
cast off
摆脱；抛弃；解开(缆绳)等.
在这里表示荷花使人们得以抛开内心的浮躁.
embrace
vt. 拥抱；信奉，皈依；包含
vi. 拥抱
在这里用embrace可以表现出人们脱离浮躁而获得宁静的意思.
Para.1
近日去无锡, 听说左近有一处“锦园”的荷花，分外诱人。一日清晨，我独自一
人悄悄地溜出住处，朝着那片心仪的荷花地走去。
原译： On my recent visit to Wuxi, I was told of a Lotus Garden called
Jingyuan, particularly attractive and fortunately close to my room. The
next morning I found myself unable to overcome the temptation, so I
sneaked out straight and made my way to the garden.
分外诱人原译用particularly
心仪的在原译中,作者用fine
attractive虽然意思表达的很恰当,但有失精炼,且
oneself
unable
to overcome the temptation来表示,但
改译：Lately
I visited
Wuxi
where
the
neighboring-located
“Splendid
听说原译为I was
左近指附近(nearby).原译为close
told of…我们认为有失文雅.既然是听说,说明此处非常出名,因此
to my
room,我们认为这样译不太恰当,也不够精
attractive一词过于常用,因此我们改为tempting(指吸引人的,诱惑人的).
次短语其实捎带贬义,用来修饰纯美的荷花似乎不够恰当.在这里我们根据改译后
Garden”
wins aaname
particularly for its tempting lotus. Sneaking out of
我们改译为wins
炼.因此改译为neighboring-located,指此地坐落于我的住所附近,且用结合词更能
name for,体现此地因为享有盛名而为作者所知晓.
的句式,选择插入语for
which
with in
irresistible
irresistible
passion for,
my
dwelling quietly by
myself
an earlypassion=with
morning, for
which with
体现文学性.
表示我对园中荷花的向往.
irresistible
passion, I headed for the dreamboat in the garden.
同时,由于原译没有能够表达出心仪的荷花之意,改译中我们增译的dreamboat(梦
中人,理想之物,爱人),突出作者对荷花的喜爱之情.
Para.1
园内，一条小道直通荷花深处，我驻足、徘徊、徜徉其间，耳目共赏，心境出
奇的平和，一扫夏日的烦躁，人仿佛置身于水墨丹青之中，物我两忘。
原译： Along a winding path, I reached the depth of lotus, the center of
the garden, where I now stopped, now wandered about for appreciating
the beauty, pleasant to my eyes and to my ears as well. Before I was
aware of it, my mind grew unexpectedly mild and left no room for the
fidgetiness, a commonplace hold on my mind in summer. Bit by bit, the
boundary line blurred between objects and people, and I came to fancy
myself as part of a piece of traditional Chinese painting in ink and wash.
原译中作者用reach表示自己沿着小道到达荷花深处,而原文指一条通向荷花深处
原文中驻足,徘徊,徜徉其间,在原译中作者没有体现.在改译中我们用定语从句,后
作者在原译中用unexpectedly
人仿佛置身…之中,指作者感觉自己似乎与这荷花盛开的美好景象融为一体,因此
改译：
A winding path led memild表示心境出奇的平和,但unexpectedly指出乎意
to the depth of lotus, the center of garden,
原译中fancy
的小道指引我至此,因此我们改译是采用拟人手法,将小道拟人化,译为lead
接三个介词by,
料的,意外的,似乎用来修饰荷花给我所带来的内心宁静稍显不当.因此我们改译
myself
about,
as on,分别修饰三个动词,这样更能体现作者沉浸在荷花的美
past
of…的表达方式非常恰当,但我们认为在这里无需用I
where I couldn’t
help
stopping
by, wandering about and strolling onme
theto,
这样更显文章的灵活生动.
之中.
为an
came
extraordinary
to fancy…,而是可以直接ing形式修饰这一自我的想象,这样更能体现句子的
peacefulness.
beautiful
scenery.sense
The of
feast
to my eyes and ears took along an
整体性和流畅性.因此改译中我们用with引导,并增译形容词inseparable表示作者
extraordinary
sense of peacefulness, leaving no room for commonplace
原译用leave
感觉自己与这一美景已经不可分割.
no
room
fidgetiness
in a
flat for表示一扫夏日的烦躁,我们认为这是一个非常恰当的用词,
summer.
boundary
line as
gradually
blurred
耳目共赏,作者译为pleasant
to The
my eyes
and ears
well,我们认为这样译稍
因此改译中沿用此表示.但作者用了一长串修饰fidgetiness,显得冗长和不必要,而
between
objects and people, with me fancying myself as an inseparable
显累赘且不够文学化.耳目共赏,即是荷花的美对于耳目都是一场视觉盛宴,因此
commonplace本身可做形容词,因此我们将其直接修饰fidgetiness则简明扼要.
part
of afeast
traditional
Chinese
in ink
and wash.
改译为a
物我两忘作者用the
to myboundary
eyes andpainting
line
ears更生动且文雅.
blurred
between
objects and people表示,
我们认为这是非常好的翻译,特别是动词blur的使用,灵活生动.因此改译中沿用.
Para.1
小道的左边，一地荷花，右边也是一地荷花。只是一边白色，一边红色，盈盈
一地方数亩。
原译：Both sides of the path was lined with lotus flowers, with only red
on the left and white on right, which stretched themselves for hectares.
改译：The path
这一句的句式选择上我们认为原译过分累赘和重复,显得生硬.虽然在中文意思中
原译中stretch
oneself
was lined
for hectares用得非常生动,拟人手法,我们认为在这里很
with lotus flowers, red on one side and white
on
the other, which vividly stretched themselves for hectares.
似乎强调一地…也是一地…一边…另一边…,但在英文表达中需要根据英语语言
恰当,因此沿用.但原译未能表现出盈盈的意思,在这里指荷花充满生机地生长出
习惯,适度调整句式.因此我们直接翻译为The path was lined with lotus
数亩地,因此增译形容词vividly,表现荷花的生命力.
flowers,将也是的意思省略.同时省略左边..右边..的累赘表达,直接翻译为red on
one side and white on the other,这样即简明地表达了作者的意思.
Para.1
然而，晨曦中的锦园，空寂无人，唯有荷叶簇拥，飒飒有声；小荷尖尖 ，娇羞
万状。
原译：Amidst a couple of streaks of sun rays notwithstanding, all in the
garden was silence except for the occasional rustle heard from heaps of
lotus leaves and the buds, in delicacy, shyness or others, were vying to
grow.
娇羞万状,指含苞欲放的小荷欲开不开的羞涩和灵动,原译中用了一个较为复杂的
然而一词,原译中没有表现出来,但我们认为这个预期的转折不可以忽略,因此用
飒飒有声,指荷叶生长在一起,风吹动时发出叶片碰撞的声音.原译中用occasional
小荷尖尖指荷叶之上的荷花含苞待放,为了体现极富张力的生命力,我们将原译中
改译：Yet all but silence in the garden that secretly grew amidst the
yet作为句子的开头,表示转折.同时可以后接all
虽好,但我们认为occasional似乎有偶然,机遇的意思更多,而在这里荷叶的声音应
的grow改为shoot
插入形式,但我们认为在这里可以将两部分结合起来即可.因此改译为in
up.前者过于平庸,无法体现生动性.后者有发芽,暴涨,迅速生长
but表示后句中的唯有,这样也可
interspaces
of mild
sun rays, except for random
rustle performeddelicate
by
以体现句子的连贯性.
该是随意的,肆意随风发出的,因此我们改译为random.
之意,用来修饰小荷再恰当不过.
shyness即可.
clustered
lotus leaves, above which the buds, in delicate shyness, were
vying to shoot up.
同时,我们增译secretly
原译中用hear
且由于小荷是生长在荷叶之上的,因此我们将原译的and
原译用vying
to表示荷花的竞相生长,非常恰当,因此改译中沿用.
from修饰荷叶的声音,但我们认为这里可以用更为生动的词,因此
grow修饰silence,用拟人手法,使句子更加生动地表现出园
the buds改为above
中的空寂.
改译为performed
which
the buds…这样就是句式更为灵活,且也能够体现荷花与荷叶的层次感.
by,这更能体现荷叶的生命力,且为文章平添几分灵动感.
Para.2
一池白荷，如水中嬉戏的天鹅，翘首顾盼；一池红荷，似无数少女，在水上舞
台频频起舞。
原译：In the lotus pond, the flowers in white seemed to be a flock of
swans which often raised their heads to gaze around while playing
merrily in the water; and those in red appeared to me countless lasses
who were dancing gracefully on water stage.
原译中countless
改译：The
一池白荷原译为In
翘首顾盼应该是持续的状态,指的是头一直保持着向上的姿势同时四处观望,而原
一池红荷原译为and
white lotus
lasses
the
those
lotus
filling
who
inpond,
red,
the
were
pond
但因为上文我们把“一池白荷”改译为The
the
dancing
flowers
seemed
gracefully句式略显累赘,因此我
into
white,我们认为这样的翻译
be a flock of swans
whichlotus
keep filling
their
heads
upheads
and gaze
around
while
playing
in the
略显累赘,不够精炼,并且”一池”表明荷花数量多铺满水面,而原译中没有体现出
译中译为often
white
们改译中省去who
raised
were而直接译为countless
thetheir
pond,主语已变成the
to gaze
around,意为”时常抬起头来看”,意
white
lasses
lotus,若“一池红荷”继续
dancingmerrily
gracefully,
让
water; and the red lotus
to heads
me
lasses
dancing
这点,因此改译为The
思有所偏差,因此我们改译为keep
使用those会导致指代不明,因此我们改译为and
整个长句看上去更加精炼.
whiteappeared
lotus filling
their
thecountless
pond…简单勾画出一池白荷的景
up
the
and
redgaze
lotus.
around.
gracefully on the water stage.
象.
Para.2
硕大的荷叶，像一把把雨伞。
原译：The leaves, large and green, were likened to umbrellas.
改译：The leaves, large and emerald, closely resembled to umbrellas.
emerald
原译使用be
likened to“被比作…”句式来表达荷叶像雨伞,但是用被动式来表
adj. 翠绿色的；翡翠的
示”像”这一状态显得生硬,
因此我们使用closely resembled to这一句式来替换,
让句子更加通顺自然.
原译中用large and green来修饰荷叶,不仅表现出中文里的”硕大”,green更填
补了画面的色彩,但是我们认为green一词太过general,并不能体现出池中荷叶
赏心悦目的翠绿,因此我们用emerald一词来替换green,展现出更加生动的色彩.
Para.2
娇羞的花朵，风情万种：有的苞蕾紧裹，有的含苞欲放，有的花蕊初绽，有的
花瓣怒放，也有花尽瓣谢唯留大大的莲蓬。
原译： And the buds, delicate and shy, assumed a diversity of profiles,
say, some refusing to expose themselves, some starting exposing
themselves, some having themselves decorated with a couple of tender
pistils, some struggling to stretch their petals as wide as possible, and
still others retaining big seed lops after the petals had withered and
fallen.
wither
wrap
in
bud
改译：And
风情万种原译为assumed
花蕊初绽原译为having
the flowers,themselves
delicate
a diversity
and
decorated
of
shy,
profiles,
appeared
with
profile意为“轮廓，外形”.
aexceedingly
couple of tender
vt.
发芽；在萌芽状态
vi.
枯萎；凋谢；衰弱
包；隐藏；缠绕；掩护
fascinating
and charming, say, some tightly wrapped, some in bud, some
原译仅译出花朵呈现出不同形态,但并没有传达出娇羞的花朵包含着让人沉醉的
pistils,
这样翻译显得过于生硬且累赘,为了保持整句简练的风格,符合中文原句
vi.
缠绕；穿外衣；包起来
in early
blossom, some in full
blossom,
and
still othersand
having
withered
魅力,因此我们改译为appeared
中的排比样式,我们改译为in
early
exceedingly
blossom,处在整个花期的前段,即花苞初绽,
fascinating
charming,更能
含苞待放原译为starting
exposing
themselves,
同样采用拟人的手法表示花蕾将欲
away and leaving the
seeds
体现荷花迷人的魅力.
达到精炼且切合的表达.
花尽瓣谢原译为the
petals
hadonly.
withered
and
fallen, 这里使用wither一词十分
苞蕾紧裹原译为refusing to expose themselves, 虽然使用了拟人的手法把花蕾的
绽放的状态,然而这样的翻译略显累赘且有失文雅,因此我们改用in
bud这一简练
恰当,在改译中我们保留了该词的使用.
状态生动化了,然而花蕾并非不想绽放,而是时机未到,所以原译并没能准确表达
的词组,增添添文学色彩.
同样的,花瓣怒放也改译为in
full blossom,配合整句句式.
出“紧裹”的含义,因此我们改用wrap一词呈现花苞紧实的状态,原译改为some
然而原译的句式表达过于冗长繁琐,因此在改译中我们省去了一些不必要的词语,
tightly
wrapped.
并对句式进行适当调整,最后改译为having
withered away and leaving the
seeds only.
Para.2
荷花的颜色，深浅有致，其中有数十根细细的浅黄色的花蕊，蜜蜂正围着它，
依次吻遍，然后飞向另一朵。
原译： Although varying in shade of color, the flowers remained exquisite,
among which there was a flower with dozens tiny and yellowish of cores,
all of which were sequentially caressed by a bee before he headed for
another flower.
改译：
shadeThe color of lotus is exquisite, shading from deep to light. Among the lotus
slender
最后分句的原译十分精彩.
there
was one with dozens of slender caress一词既有亲吻的意思,更包含爱意,把
and yellowish pistils, all of which were
vi.
adj.
（颜色、色彩等）渐变
微薄的；苗条的；细长的
Sequentially准确表达了“依次”.
sequentially caressed by a bee before he headed for another flower.
蜜蜂的这一动作表现得淋漓尽致.
深浅有致意为颜色从深到浅过渡并精致细腻,两者间并无转折关系,因此应省去
细细的浅黄色的花蕊原译为tiny
and yellowish of cores.我们认为这一次的翻
head for
although.原译varying
译并不妥当.
in shade of color, the flowers remained exquisite.虽
前往；出发；取向于
然译出了“有致”这一含义,然而无法体现颜色从深到浅的变化,因此我们把这句
首先tiny意为微小的,很少的,中文中形容花蕊为细细的,并不是指花蕊细小的意
改译为The color of lotus
思,而应该是“细长的”的意思,因此我们选用slender一词,更加切合文意.
把“飞向”译为head
for,避免了使用fly
is exquisite, shading
to的平庸,突破条框且表达无误.
from deep to light. 把深浅
有致的含义完整地表达了.
同样的,core并不用作“花蕊”的意思,因此我们改译为pistil，意思更为确切.
鉴于原译的水准之高,此句我们保留原译,不作改动.
Para.2
大片的蜻蜓，在碧连天的荷花上空飞舞。水上的蜻蜓，全身黑色，肚中间有一
条金色的腰带，一对翅膀是水晶色的。
原译： Above the vast expanse of azure leaves were a company of
dragonflies on flight, and above the water was some dragonflies black all
over except for a golden belt around the abdomen and a pair of crystal
wings.
改译：
A company of dragonflies were dancing in the vast expanse above the
因为前面分句的句式转换,所以这一分句的主语表达也作出相应变化.用those代
而另外,在碧连天的荷花上空按空间逻辑来说应为在荷叶上方的大片空间,所以介
on flight
azure意为蔚蓝的,天蓝的.
verdurous
leaves.
And the
those
above
the water
black
all over,
在飞行中,飞机飞行中
指dancing
词应稍作更改,译为in
dragonflies避免累赘.因此改译为And
vast
expanse
abovewere
thethose
verdurous
above
leaves更符合逻辑.
the except
water. for golden
原句虽为“碧连天的荷花”,然而根据推断,这里“碧连天的荷花”指的并不是荷
belt
around the and a golden belt around the abdomen and a pair of crystal wings.
花的花朵,而是指荷叶,而荷叶是碧绿色的,所以azure用在这里不准确.我们改译
为verdurous(adj.
碧绿的；清新的；生气勃勃的).
由解析可知on flight是用于飞机航行的,在这里使用并不恰当.同时原文中使用
“飞舞”一词,因此我们改译为dragonflies were dancing来表现出蜻蜓飞舞的
轻盈动态.同时对句式作了调整,使句子更为通畅.
Para.2
它们像一队护花使者，始终徘徊在荷花四周。
原译： These creatures, as if a squad of escorts, loitered about to protect
the lotus.
loiter
as
escort
if
改译：These
creatures were inspecting all along as a squad of escorts to
犹如，好似
n.
vi.
陪同；护航舰；护卫队；护送者
闲荡；虚度；徘徊
protect
the lotus .
squad if这一词组带有“好似”的意思,但多数用于表达某种场景带来的感觉,并
虽然loiter一词有“徘徊”的意思,然而它所带的消极含义并不能体现文中所表示
虽然as
且多数联接短句.这里是指蜻蜓像护花使者一样,应直接改用as(如同)连接,并对句
n.
的护花使者的庄严与责任.因此原译并不妥当.
[军]班；小队
子结构作出相应调整,更加准确且符合文法.
护花使者原译为a squad of escorts,这句翻译得很好,用词生动准确,没有生硬地把
我们认为此句并不需要限制在“徘徊”这一动作上,而可以根据前面护花使者的
“护花”插入句子中.escort一词就体现了蜻蜓保护的职责.而squad这一军事化的
比喻,这里的徘徊变可引申出“巡视,巡逻”的意思,因此我们改用inspect一词.
量词也与escort很好地搭配,生动体现了“护花使者”这一角色.
同时我们加上all along来强调“始终”这一状态.
Para.2
小道尽头，一条廊檐横卧，漫步其间，一侧是无垠的太湖，浩浩汤汤；一侧便
是满池荷花，尽收眼底。
原译： When I found myself at the end of the path, what greeted my eyes
was a pavilion that commanded a panoramic view of either side of the
garden: vast and mighty Taihu Lake, the flowers lying in riotous
profusion all over the pond.
veranda
ramble
unfold
When
另外,译者对句子的理解有偏差,“尽收眼底”应是指满池荷花尽收眼底,然后译
因此我们改译的时候对这一部分进行了较大改动.调整句式,重新断句,添加了一
on
oneI side…on
found myself
the other
at myself
theside…一侧是…一侧是…
endat
of the
the path此句翻译有亮点,体现了作者对景色的
改译：When
I found
end of the path, there was a veranda
陶醉,不自觉就漫步到了小道尽头.因此在改译中我们保留此句翻译.
n.
vi.
vt.
者却把该句在漫步其间出提前翻译为panoramic
些部分填补句子的空白,并把either
此处我们用这一简单的排比句式翻译,让原译复杂的句子建构更加精炼,无伤大雅.
阳台；走廊，游廊
漫步；漫游；闲逛；漫谈；蔓延
打开；呈现
side ofwhat
the garden省略,按中文句式在后面的
view,这是对句子本意的错误理
across.
While I was rambling through,
unfolded
before my eyes was
vi. 展开；显露
解.
翻译中体现,让句子结构更加清晰明了.
gorgeous
view: on one side was the vast and mighty Taihu Lake; on the other
廊檐横卧原译使用pavilion(
漫步其间在原译中并没有体现出来,而我们认为此句并不能省略,因为后文提及的
另外原译中用lying
in riotous
n.profusion
阁；亭子；大帐篷；展示馆)一词,由前后文可知,
over the the
pond来解释满池荷花,整句把
side
was the panoramic
view
of lotusallcovering
pond.
中文逐字翻译出来,显得生涩难懂,有点卖弄文采之意.因此我们用简练的词句
作者漫步的因为一条长廊,而非亭阁,因此用pavilion不合适,我们改译为veranda.
壮美景色正是作者漫步其间才能尽收眼底.因此我们加入while
原译用what
所以前面部分的改译为When
greeted my eyes体现景色映入眼帘之意,然而无法体现出景色的壮美
I found myself at the end of the path,
I was
there
rambling
was a
veranda
across.
While
I was rambling through, what unfolded before my eyes was a
through,
气势,因此我们改用unfold来体现画面的磅礴和逐渐展开.
lotus
covering
ramble一词符合漫步的闲情逸致.
the
pond来勾画这一画面.
panoramic
view.
而横卧指的是长廊横向而过,因此我们加上across来表现这一画面.
Para.3
语段内部逻辑分析
一个人的荷花，是一种意识，一种感觉，一种陶醉。我真想折一枝长长荷叶，
如擎着一把阳伞，这才是一种拥有；我真想摘一朵尖尖荷花，如捧着一分心意，
这才是一种满足。周敦颐的《爱莲说》高古韵远，王维的“莲动下渔舟”诗意盎
然，李苦禅的“墨荷”笔墨酣畅，以及朱自清的《荷塘月色》意象纷呈。只是，
我不是画家，无法描摹它的神韵天籁；我不是诗人，写不出它妩媚与妖娆；我
只是想把“濯锦翻红蕊”摄入镜头，作为永远的珍藏；又不忍心真的去摘荷花，
带回去，作为霸占的炫耀。我在心里，一遍遍地描摹与刻画。其实，它早已定
格在我的印象之中，成为了一个诗意的文化符号，无法抹去。当然，也只有身
临其境，才能感受那般气氛与魅力。
本段是整篇文章抒情的高潮，表达了作者想要留存眼前美景而又恨不能得的情
感。由于写作手法近乎意识流，所以在翻译成英语时要注重英语逻辑性强的特
点，因此对语段进行逻辑分析是十分必要的。
内部逻辑：
对荷花的喜爱→想要珍藏这份遗世之美→却遗憾于自己没有像艺术家一般的才
能→又不忍去折断伤害→只能摄影并且默默的铭记在心
Para.3
一个人的荷花，是一种意识，一种感觉，一种陶醉。
原译：Everyone’s view of the lotus would present itself as one form of
consciousness, feeling and intoxication.
改译：Companied alone, the image of lotus would present itself as one form of
consciousness, feeling and enchantment.
陶醉
一个人的荷花
荷花、意识、感觉、陶醉
“一个人的荷花”在这里指一人单独欣赏荷花，而原译中Everyone’s
view of the
荷花本身不能成为“意识、感觉、陶醉”，因此主语不能直接译为lotus；有根
原译为
intoxication, 但intoxication含有“中毒，喝醉”的意思，所以并不适
lotus对真正含义表达有误。我在翻译时采用了非谓语的形式，并通过把主语换
据下一句中的两个比喻可知，这里指的是荷花的意向。因此译为“image
合用于描述荷花的美。
of
成荷花将句子重心转移到“荷花”而不是“人
”上来。
lotus”更为合适
改译为
enchantment, 该词的意思倾向于“着迷，沉醉”，更符合原文的语义。
Para.3
我真想折一枝长长荷叶，如擎着一把阳伞，这才是一种拥有；我真想摘一朵尖
尖荷花，如捧着一分心意，这才是一种满足。
原译：I was torn by the idea of breaking a large and long lotus leaf and holding it
like a parasol. Anyhow, it deserved to be termed as possession in its real sense. Also
I was dying to pick up a tiny and tender flower and hold it with all care and caution
in my hands. Probably no words other than satisfaction could not fail to express my
feeling then.
改译：It would be the real sense of possession if I can break and hold a parasol-like
lotus leaf as my wish; it would be the real feeling of satisfaction if I can pick up a
heart-shaped lotus bud just like enjoying a blessing.
一种拥有、一分心意
句子结构
比喻的处理
这个对仗语句由两个“我真想”并列组成， 原译中将其译为 “I was torn…”
原译将这两个概念直接译为possession和satisfaction，但根据统领段落的第
在这两个分句中，作者分别将荷叶和荷花花蕾比作了阳伞和心意。但是原译中
和“I was dying…”。这种译法不仅破坏了原文的对仗美，还将作者的喜爱之
的“…holding
it like a parasol…”和“…hold it with all care and
一句可知，本段都是围绕着“意识、感觉、陶醉”来描写的。因此根据语境将
情带上了消极色彩 ，因此这两个词语都带有负面含义。除此之外，
caution…”将原比喻改的面目全非。因此我根据荷叶的实际，将第一个比喻直
其分别译为“sense
of possession”和“feeling of satisfaction”更为自然。
原译中将两
接合译为“hold
a parasol-like lotus leaf”；将第二个比喻译为“heart个分句译为了四句话，这样不仅不符合散文简洁的语言风格，还造成了译文句
子含义重心的改变。
shaped
lotus bud”，因为只有荷花在花蕾的状态时才呈现出心形，引发出作
综合以上两点，我用两个句式结构相同的虚拟语气将原文
中作者的假设完整的表达出来。
者对“心意”的联想。此外，我还将心意这个抽象概念具体化译为“enjoy
a
blessing”，从而使译文即与原文形合又与原文意合。
周敦颐的《爱莲说》高古韵远，王维的“莲动下渔舟”诗意盎然，李苦禅的“墨荷”
笔墨酣畅，以及朱自清的《荷塘月色》意象纷呈。
原译：Zhou Dunyi, in his essay titled On My Love of Lotus, praised it for elegance,
simplicity and profundity; Wang Wei capitalized on lotus to bring the unique poetic
atmosphere over the line of “Lotus stirs as fishing boat wades”; Li Kuchan made
lotus merry and lively in Lotus, one of his ink and wash paintings; and Zhu Ziqing
represented lotus in diversified images in his household essay Lotus Pond at a
Moon-light Night.
改译：Even the artists in the past had the intention to possess the image of lotus in
their own talented ways. On My Love of Lotus, an essay written by Zhou Dunyi, was
elegant, unsophisticated and profound; the line “Lotus sways as fishing boat floats”
created by Wang Wei provided one of the most poetic senses ever in the history; Li
Kuchan’s Lotus, a classical series of Chinese ink paintings, established a unique
painting style of untrammeled and unrestrained; Zhu Ziqing’s Lotus Pond at a
Moon-light Night was distinguished for its diversified imaginations of lotus.
意象纷呈
逻辑分析
名家的翻译
句子结构
高古韵远
莲动下渔舟
墨荷
笔墨酣畅
原译为“Lotus
stirs “…Lotus，one
as fishing boat
sways as
这一四字短语应分译才能表达完整，即高（高雅，典雅）→elegant、古（古朴，
原译将“墨荷”译为
原译中将“酣畅”直译为了merry
原译将这个短语的核心部分译为“diversified
andwades”，改译为“Lotus
of
lively，
his ink
images”。但是我认为之所以
并且作为了荷花的定语。但是
and wash paintings（水墨
本句引用了四个与荷花有关的著名艺术作品，目的在于承接前文中作者“真想
由于四位名家的名字在翻译成英文后会造成理解上的障碍，我采用角标注释的
在原译中译者强调的是几位名家对于荷花的赞美与描摹；而原文实际上在表达
fishing
boat floats”。原文的“动”意思是“熙熙攘攘的摆动”，所以将
stir
简洁）→unsophisticated、韵远（含义深刻）→profound。原译中将“古”
看过作品后可知，此处的酣畅并非修饰荷花的merry
and lively，而是指潇洒与
拥有”荷花之美的情感，因为先人早已用他们独有的艺术手法珍藏了荷花之美。
方法将他们的简介放在文章最后，而不在文中追加过多的定语或插入语，目的
作品本身的美是因荷而美。因此原译在句子的逻辑重心上出现偏差。在改译中，
画）”，但是实际观摩过李苦禅的墨荷后可知墨荷是以墨为色的单色国画，并
有丰富的意向是取决于看荷的人，因为只有像朱自清这样的文豪才可以写出如
因此为了逻辑上能够与前文承接而不显得突兀，我在整句前面增译了Even
在于保持文章的简洁。
我已将句子的主语改为作品，而作者以定语或插入语的形式出现。
译为simplicity，过于强调简洁，译为unsophisticated（朴实无华的，纯洁的）
（强调搅动）改译为
不羁的画风。所以改译为“…a
此华美的文章，所以我改译为“diversified
sway（摇摆，摆动）更妥当。原译中的
unique painting
imaginations”来强调作家的想象
style of untrammeled（奔放
wade 同样不合
the
且是李苦禅笔下最为著名的一类作品，显然原译没能准确表达出“墨荷”的特
点。我将其改译为“Li
Lotus，a
series
Chinese
artists in the past and
hadKuchan’s
the intention
toclassical
possess
the of
image
of ink
lotus in their
更符合《爱莲说》的思想。
适，因wade本身含义是“涉水、跋涉”，不符合“渔舟顺流而下”的动势特点，
的，自由自在的）
力。
unrestrained（自然的，不羁的）”。
paintings…”。
own talented ways.
因此改译为float（浮动，飘动）更为合适。
Para.3
只是，我不是画家，无法描摹它的神韵天籁；我不是诗人，写不出它妩媚与妖
娆；
原译： To me, I was neither a painter nor a poet, so I could not manage to portray
its natural verve on the painting nor retain its seducing charm on the paper.
改译： As for me, however, it is really a pity that I am neither a painter nor a poet,
so I could not manage to portray the natural fascination of lotus, not to mention
depicting its enchanting charm in words.
妩媚与妖娆
逻辑分析
神韵天籁
句子结构
写出…
原译中为retain…
原译中译为seducing
on the
charm，但是seducing的意思是“诱惑的，引诱的”，
paper，虽然表达出了“用纸笔来留住”的含义，但
这一句紧接前面对于名家名作的引用，表达作者虽有同先人一般对荷花的喜爱，
“天籁”在这里指的并不是声音，而是“自然之美”；神韵则指的是荷花优美
原译中虽然将“画家诗人”合译，将“无法描摹”与“写不出”合译，但是合
的气质。原译中合译为“natural
译后并未完美的体现出原句中的对仗美。所以我将后句用“not…not
是和前句的谓语动词portray对仗不够工整，改译为depicting…
verve”，但verve词义倾向于“活力、热
in words更为
to
缺无法如先人一般将荷花之美表达并珍藏的遗憾。因此要通过增译
并不符合原文意思，尤其是在前文中作者已经引用了《爱莲说》，所以这个翻
“…however,
情”，并不能表达出“优美”的含义，因此改译为“natural
mention（不用说…更不必说）”这个句型表述出来。
合适。
it is really a pity…”将这句的与前句之间遗憾的逻辑关系表述
fascination”更
译更加有悖于语境。“妩媚与妖娆”在这里所表达的意思是一种带有女性气质
出来。
好。
的美，因此改译为enchanting
charm更为合适。
Para.3
我只是想把“濯锦翻红蕊”摄入镜头，作为永远的珍藏；又不忍心真的去摘荷花，
带回去，作为霸占的炫耀。
原译：Therefore, I was bent on taking a camera shot to record the scene where the
red lotus flowers stir as the pond water ripples, in an attempt to make it what could
deserve cherishing forever. Worse still, I could not bear to pluck any flower and take
it home as the reminder of my monopoly over it.
改译： Meanwhile, not being hard-hearted enough, I could not hurt the lotus and
grasp it home as flaunt. Therefore I could merely treasure the damask-like lotus
pond eternally by shooting down it in my camera.
摄入镜头，作为永远的珍藏。
逻辑分析
不忍心
…摘荷花，带回去，作为霸占的炫耀。
濯锦翻红蕊
原译为“I
[濯锦]
成都一带所产的织锦，以华美著称。古人常将荷池美景比作濯锦以表达
could not bear to…”，但是这个句法结构的意思是“忍不住”，
根据本段开头的整段逻辑分析，这个句子中的两个分句逻辑顺序应该颠倒。因
这三个短搭配是十分连贯的三个动作，逻辑紧密。因此在翻译时也不应拖沓，
原译将这个语句关系译为了两个分句，但是我将“珍藏”作为动词改译为了
而非“不忍心”，故不采用。改译为“…not
应力图终于原文的简洁。原译为“to
其美艳瑰丽。
“treasure
eternally by shooting down
pluck
it any
inbeing
my
flower
camera”，更加简洁。
hard-hearted
and take itenough,
home asI
为作者想珍藏荷花之美却苦于才疏学浅，又不忍心去摘取，则只能以摄影来留
原译中译者将这句话译为“the
lotus
flowers stir as the pond water ripples”。
住美丽。
could
the
reminder
not…”更为准确。
所以我在改译中将前后句的位置调换。并且由于“才不如先人”和
of my monopolyred
over
it.”，这样的翻译显然不够简洁，改译为
“不忍采摘”是共同的无奈，我在本句句首增译了
“…hurt
the lotus and grasp it home as flaunt. ”。原译中的pluck（采、
“Meanwhile”。
但是根据文献记载可知这句话的意思是“似锦的荷塘美艳瑰丽”。因此我将其
摘）过于生硬，并不能表达出作者对于荷花的怜爱，因此改译为“hurt”更为
改译为“the
damask-like lotus pond”（damask:锦缎，花缎）。
合适。除此之外，我还将原文中的动词“带”和“霸占”合译为 grasp it
home as flaunt，不仅更加简洁，还补充了原译所缺失的“炫耀”的含义成分。
Para.3
我在心里，一遍遍地描摹与刻画。其实，它早已定格在我的印象之中，成为了
一个诗意的文化符号，无法抹去。
原译：And as such, I repeated having it portrayed and carved on my heart. To tell
the truth, it has now been registered for good on my impression about it, having
evolved into a poetic cultural symbol that defies any removal.
改译： Even so, I still had the image portrayed and carved in my mind over and
over again. As a result, it actually has been seared on my memory, having evolved
into an inerasable culture symbol of poetry.
诗意的文化符号，无法抹去
逻辑分析
一遍遍地
定格在印象中
原译为a
poetic cultural symbol
defies
any removal，我改译为an
inerasable
原译直接将中文的副词用作动词译为repeat,
原译的动词搭配为register
forthat
good
，但是我并不理解这样用的原因，我将其
但是repeat本身的词义强调机械的
这句话强调了即使作者珍藏荷花之美的方式有限，他对于荷花的喜爱丝毫没有
culture
symbol
of poetry。因为诗意在这里其实是短语的重心，若作为定语出现
重复，不能充分体现作者用心在记忆的情感，所以我仍将其译为副词over
改译为be
seared（烙印在），因为定格若直译则不能体现出这份珍藏的分量。
and
因此而减少。他已将这份美丽铭记在心。因此翻译时应把逻辑关系“即使”增
则使重心偏移。
译出来，所以我在句首增译了
over
此外，原译中将印象直译为了impression，但是在中英文的意思中，这个词的
again，强调“再三地，多次地”。
Even so。除此之外，我还在两句之间增译了逻
含义有所不同，
辑连接词
as a result,
impression指的是事物给予人的记忆，在这里用不合适，所以
因为只有经过反复的铭记，才能使得荷花之美“定格在
印象中，成为一个符号”。
译为memory更好。
Para.3
当然，也只有身临其境，才能感受那般气氛与魅力。
原译：Certainly true is both its charm the atmosphere produced cannot be
perceived without your personal experience.
改译： Well, it is certainly true that only by staying with the lotus on the scene all
by himself, could one indeed experience the consciousness, feeling and
enchantment of lotus, whatever techniques are adapted to keep it.
那般气氛与魅力
逻辑分析
句子结构
身临其境
原译中译为
原译译为了charm
personal
andexperience,
atmosphere，
但是这样翻译并未体现出“一个人的荷花”
但是回归到整段文章，发现这句其实是
这句话若直译则会与整段衔接不上，因为他所表达的实际意思是“当然，无论
原译中将“气氛与魅力”作为主语将全句以被动语态译出。但是在这种译法下，
描摹荷花的技法有多么精妙， 也仍然要身临其境才能感受那般气氛与魅力。
原文中“只有….才能”的逻辑关系没有被译出，改译为以“only
所强调的“单独”，改译为stay
with the lotus on the scene all …can…”为
by oneself更
与第一句中的“一种意识，一种感觉，一种陶醉”相呼应的。因此根据第一句
的改译，这里同样译为consciousness,
feeling and enchantment of lotus较为合适。
”。所以在翻译时，要将遗漏的含义增译出来才能符合英语逻辑性强的特点。
结构的句型更为合适。
加准确。
我增译为“whatever techniques are adapted to keep it”
Para.4
荷叶，碧绿一片如染，错落参差。荷花，白的无瑕，红的娇嫩，婷婷玉立一般。
原译：Lotus leaves appear a vast expanse azure as if having been dyed
uniformly with the multiplicity of their heights. The lotus flowers, in
flawlessly white or tenderly red, stand slim and graceful.
碧绿,在原译中用azure,实指天空的蔚蓝色,有失精准.我们改为virid,指翠绿的,青
错落参差,原译用with
前句写荷叶,后句写荷花,有着对比之意,因此
白的无暇,红的娇嫩我们采用原译中的flawless
multiplicity
white
heights.但此词其实是指荷叶高
or tenderly
red.前
白的无瑕，红的娇嫩，婷婷玉立一般我们在翻译时根据我们句式的选择将其位
改译：
Lotus leaves,the
integrated
viridofintheir
a vast
expanse
as if dyed
者展现白的纯净,不含一丝杂质.后者体现红的柔美娇羞.
绿色的.
高低低,形成一片错落有致的景象,尽展生气,且错落有致的绿色就仿佛波浪一样,
置调换.先表现婷婷玉立于此,在表现其带着的颜色.
我们在两句之间加入in
contrast,体现荷叶的
naturally, shaded in lively
distinguished heights like green waves. Lotus
连贯而又有着不同的节奏.因此我们翻译时将参差的荷叶比喻为绿色的波浪,
动态之美与荷花的静态之美.
flowers, in contrast, stood still gracefully with the soul of a beauty in 且
碧绿一片如染,指大片的荷叶聚集在一起,仿佛晕染过后的绿色般.这里有比喻手
用shade
婷婷玉立一词,原译为stand
in修饰荷叶充满生命力的状态,改译为shaded
in lively distinguished
flawless
white
or tenderly slim
red. and graceful,我们认为没有完全展示出荷花
heights
like green waves.
法.而原译中用appear
少女一般的纯美气质.改译为stand
a vast expanse
still azure
gracefully
as if with
having
thebeen
soul dyed
of a beauty,
uniformly.我们认为,a vast expanse of虽然能够形容大片大片的荷叶聚集的意
仿佛荷花身体里驻扎着美人的灵魂般,使得其仿佛一优雅女子玉立与水边.
思,却不够精炼和优雅.我们将其改为integrated virid,指融为一体的碧绿色,更为
恰当.
如染,原译为as if having been dyed uniformly,过于累赘且uniformly显得有些
正规和生硬.我们译为as if dyed congenially. Congenially意为”意气相投地,融
洽一致地”,我们认为在这里修饰晕染成片的绿色荷叶较为恰当.
Para.4
耳畔，风声飒飒；眼前，荷叶摇曳轻摆；花蕊，暗香浮动———这就是我印象
中写意与写实俱美的夏日荷花。
原译: The breeze rustling is caressing my ears, the leaves waving to my
eyes, and faint fragrance floating from pistils is finding its way to my
noses. This is my enduring memory of the summer-time lotus whose
beauty can recommend itself for either painting or writing.
耳畔,眼前,花蕊,三句属于并列句式,分别指荷
相比于原译,我们采用更为具体和生动的词语修饰这三种感觉.
这就是我印象中的…在这里我们认为不可以照原句翻译,而是需要强调一下作者
写意,英文中译为freehand
brushwork
in mildly
traditional
Chineseupon my ears,
改译:
Around me was breezing
rustle
whispering
painting.
花景象给作者带来的听觉,视觉和嗅觉上的三
对荷花给他带来的独一无二的享受.因此我们用there
nothing
lotus leaves shaking and dancing as if greeting inissight,
andever
the soft but
重感受.因此翻译时需要如实表现出这三种并
mildly
comparable
写实,中文译为realistic
whispering
to来表示作者所感受到的其他任何东西都无法替代的独特感受.
upon
painting
mypistil
ears指风轻柔地在我耳边低语----听觉
and
writing.
intense
fragrance
from
the
floating,
permeating to my noses. There
列结构.
greeting
而写意在英文中也有idealism的译法,写实有realism的译法.因此根据
inever
sight指荷叶摇摆舞动给我带来的视觉享受----视觉
is nothing
comparable to my everlasting memory on a pond of lotus
floating,
印象一词,原译中用enduring
一致性原则,我们译为idealistic
permeating
my noses指荷花香气暗涌浮动般冲击我----嗅觉
memory.
and
enduring有能忍受的之意,我们改为
painting
oridealistic
writing. and
in
summer
that couldtoexceed
any realistic
intricate
portray in
everlasting,有永恒的,天长地久的之意,常用来修饰恒久的感情.因此我们认为这
realistic painting or writing.
个词较为生动.
俱美,我们认为和前文一样,有着”无法比拟”的意思.因此我们译为could
exceed any intricate portray,即荷花之美可以超越任何繁复的写实抑
或写意描绘.
小组译文
Lotus, a scenery exclusive to the summer, lets you cast off fickleness and embrace tranquility instead. Lately I visited Wuxi where the
neighboring-located “Splendid Garden” wins a name particularly for its tempting lotus. Sneaking out of my dwelling quietly by myself in
an early morning, for which with irresistible passion, I headed for the dreamboat in the garden. A winding path led me to the depth of
lotus, the center of garden, where I couldn’t help stopping by, wandering about and strolling on the beautiful scenery. The feast to my
eyes and ears took along an extraordinary sense of peacefulness, leaving no room for commonplace fidgetiness in a flat summer. The
boundary line gradually blurred between objects and people, with me fancying myself as an inseparable part of a traditional Chinese
painting in ink and wash. The path was lined with lotus flowers, red on one side and white on the other, which vividly stretched
themselves for hectares. Yet all but silence in the garden that secretly grew amidst the interspaces of mild sun rays, except for random
rustle performed by clustered lotus leaves, above which the buds, in delicate shyness, were vying to shoot up.
The white lotus filling the pond seemed to be a flock of swans which keep their heads up and gaze around while playing merrily in the
water; and the red lotus appeared to me countless lasses dancing gracefully on the water stage. he leaves, large and emerald, closely
resembled to umbrellas. the flowers, delicate and shy, appeared exceedingly fascinating and charming, say, some tightly wrapped, some
in bud, some in early blossom, some in full blossom, and still others having withered away and leaving the seeds only. The color of lotus
is exquisite, shading from deep to light. Among the lotus there was one with dozens of slender and yellowish pistils, all of which were
sequentially caressed by a bee before he headed for another flower. A company of dragonflies were dancing in the vast expanse above
the verdurous leaves. And those above the water were black all over, except for golden belt around the and a golden belt around the
abdomen and a pair of crystal wings. These creatures were inspecting all along as a squad of escorts to protect the lotus . When I found
myself at the end of the path, there was a veranda across. While I was rambling through, what unfolded before my eyes was gorgeous
view: on one side was the vast and mighty Taihu Lake; on the other side was the panoramic view of lotus covering the pond.
Companied alone, the image of lotus would present itself as one form of consciousness, feeling and enchantment. It would be the real
sense of possession if I can break and hold a parasol-like lotus leaf as my wish; it would be the real feeling of satisfaction if I can pick up
a heart-shaped lotus bud just like enjoying a blessing. Even the artists in the past had the intention to possess the image of lotus in their
own talented ways. On My Love of Lotus, an essay written by Zhou Dunyi, was elegant, unsophisticated and profound; the line “Lotus
sways as fishing boat floats” created by Wang Wei provided one of the most poetic senses ever in the history; Li Kuchan’s Lotus, a
classical series of Chinese ink paintings, established a unique painting style of untrammeled and unrestrained; Zhu Ziqing’s Lotus
Pond at a Moon-light Night was distinguished for its diversified imaginations of lotus. As for me, however, it is really a pity that I am
neither a painter nor a poet, so I could not manage to portray the natural fascination of lotus, not to mention depicting its enchanting
charm in words. Meanwhile, not being hard-hearted enough, I could not hurt the lotus and grasp it home as flaunt. Therefore I could
merely treasure the damask-like lotus pond eternally by shooting down it in my camera. Even so, I still had the image portrayed and
carved in my mind over and over again. As a result, it actually has been seared on my memory, having evolved into an inerasable culture
symbol of poetry. Well, it is certainly true that only by staying with the lotus on the scene all by himself, could one indeed experience the
consciousness, feeling and enchantment of lotus, whatever techniques are adapted to keep it.
Lotus leaves, integrated virid in a vast expanse as if dyed naturally, shaded in lively distinguished heights like green waves. Lotus flowers,
in contrast, stood still gracefully with the soul of a beauty in flawless white or tenderly red. Around me was breezing rustle mildly
whispering upon my ears, lotus leaves shaking and dancing as if greeting in sight, and the soft but intense fragrance from the pistil
floating, permeating to my noses. There is nothing ever comparable to my everlasting memory on a pond of lotus in summer that could
exceed any intricate portray in idealistic and realistic painting or writing.
（来源：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4d74d9280100e5cf.html）
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