Transcript Communication Pitfalls

Communication
Pitfalls
James 1:19
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be
swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath...
Communication Pitfalls
Many of the communication pitfalls that
wreck relationships come from violating
these three keys.
We tend to be slow to listen but quick to
speak our minds, and in the resulting
confusion and selfishness we are very
quick to get our feelings hurt and to get
angry.
Communication Pitfalls
What we say and how we listen to
others is important to God.
He warns us that "death and life are in
the power of the tongue" and that we
must give account of "every idle word"
we speak (Proverbs 18:21; Matthew
12:36).
Communication Pitfalls
What happens if we are
quick to speak instead of
quick to hear?
Communication Pitfalls
Swift to Hear
 Proverbs 18:13
He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and
shame to him.
 It's natural to think we know what other people want or
need before they finish asking.
 And we generally assume that what we have to say is
what the other person should really be interested in
hearing.
 Listening skills are rarely taught and generally neglected.
Communication Pitfalls
 You've spent years learning how to read and write,
years learning how to speak.
 But what about listening? What training or education
have you had that enables you to listen so that you
really, deeply understand another human being from
that individual's own frame of reference?" (Stephen R.
Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,
pp. 237-238).
 We have to overcome this lack of training by focusing
on the other person and forcing ourselves to try to
understand his or her viewpoint before sharing our
own.
Communication Pitfalls
 What mind-set must we avoid in order to truly
understand another person?
 Proverbs 18:2
A fool has no delight in understanding, but in
expressing his own heart.
 We all want to, and are taught to, express ourselves.
 But when our desire for self-expression keeps us from
trying to really understand the other person, we are
being foolish and selfish.
Communication Pitfalls
 This is the opposite of the attitude the apostle Paul
encouraged: "Let nothing be done through selfish
ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each
esteem others better than himself.
 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests,
but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4).
Communication Pitfalls
What are some thing we can
do to improve our listening
skills?
Communication Pitfalls
Tips for improving our listening include:
 Smile and look the other person in the eye naturally (it's not a
stare down).
 Ask questions to show you are interested and to clarify things
you aren't sure of.
 Look for common ground.
 Try to block out distractions.
 Don't focus on rehearsing what you will say next.
 If the person expresses strong feelings, try to acknowledge them
without becoming offended or angry yourself.
Communication Pitfalls
Slow to Speak
 How did David ask God to help him with his communication?
 Psalm 141:3, New Living Translation
Take control of what I say, O Lord, and keep my lips sealed.
 Psalm 19:14, New Living Translation
May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be
pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
 Obviously David didn't mean he wanted his lips permanently
sewn shut.
 Though we can't keep our lips sealed at all times, we all want our
words to be pleasing to God.
Communication Pitfalls
 We can't get through life without communicating. In fact,
Proverbs 10:19 clarifies that it is a "multitude of words" that
generally causes the problem.
 We should avoid being overly talkative .
 Also we must be very careful to think before we speak and to
choose our words carefully.
 Whatever we say should be edifying and intended to reflect the
nature of Christ and to glorify God.
 Let's look at some of the keys God gives for good
communication.
Communication Pitfalls
What should we ask God to do to help us ?
 Colossians 4:6
Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you
may know how you ought to answer each one.
 Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble,
whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are
lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if
there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
 Romans 12:14-15
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
Communication Pitfalls
What should be the tone of our talk?
God wants us to choose our words wisely.
Blessings and praiseworthy information should
predominate our conversations.
Matthew Henry's Commentary on Colossians
4:6 explains, "Grace is the salt which seasons
our discourse, makes it savory, and keeps it
from corrupting."
Communication Pitfalls
 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything
give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for
you.
 God's Spirit is the true source of our joy, and our
reasonable response should be thankfulness. The
apostle Paul regularly let people know he was
thankful for them (1 Thessalonians
Communication Pitfalls
How should we say what
we say?
Communication Pitfalls
How To Improve Our Spoken communication include:
 Speak clearly, avoiding jargon and confusing ramblings.
 Be respectful.
 Use "I" statements ("I feel uncomfortable when...") instead of
accusing.
 Apologize when needed.
 Be forgiving.
 Don't rush or cut the other person off.
 Don't talk just to fill the silence.
 Express appreciation and encouragement.
Communication Pitfalls
What should we avoid saying?
 Many destructive forms of communication, from
profanity to gossip to offensive comments.
 Proverbs 15:1-2
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs
up anger.
 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but
the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
Communication Pitfalls
 Proverbs 25:11-12
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of
silver.
Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold
is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.
 Ephesians 4:15
...but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all
things into Him who is the head—Christ...
 When we speak softly, kindly, wisely, truthfully and
with love, we can defuse negative feelings and
promote positive relationships.
Communication Pitfalls
 Communication Check Points (motive)-Don’t communicate to
cause divisions, disagreements or hurt others
 When motives are right: 1. Don’t feel a need to argue or
discredit others about their opinions or actions; 2.Desire to help
others understand your point without alienating them;
3.Satisfied with just sharing your point; 4.Don’t insult or assault
others because of differences in opinions; 5. Promotes open
discussion, allowing the other person to be heard; 6. Will not
respond in anger with those that disagree with your point.
Next Bible Study
Topic: Can You Hear Me Now?
Scripture: James 1
References
Bible Study Guides-Practical
Answers To Real Hope-Keys to
good communication
When to Speak Up-Dr. Michael
Sedler pg.127-128